Dante Vs. Nature 40

You are supposed to stay away from sharks. That is what the news says and I'm sure if sharks could talk they would say the same thing. Actually, they would probably say “Eat eat hunger eat eat is that a seal nope it human eat half spit rest out eat eat eat!” In Queensland aka A Part Of Australia I Will Never Go To a 9 foot cooper shark washed up on shore and instead of just kicking back into the sea completing the circle of life like I learned in that documentary called The Lion King some chicks thought that it made way more sense to just straddle the fucker.

One lady said “We believe that it has just recently died, as looking at the fin it's not bent over so it doesn't appear to have been dead for that long.” Science! I couldn't tell you shit about how long a shark had been dead based on its fin. “The seasonal migration for the species of shark is in March and April, and they migrate from New South Wales so it is possible that it was migrating and possibly got washed onto the beach in high tide.” Stupid shark.

If I saw a shark washed up on shore the last thing I would do is get closer to it. I'd chalk another win up for Team People and hoped that the sea carried it back out before it started stinking. I'm not sure why some chicks would just climb on top of it and ask for a picture to be taken. That isn't cute. Plus it'll make your ladyparts smell like shark. There are acceptable levels of stank I can take but shark stank ain't one of 'em.

So many jokes left unsaid...

After measuring the shark and nodding in agreement the wildlife folks buried the shark deep in the sand where it'll likely sprout baby land sharks. This is how it begins people! I mean, I'm no philanthropist but I know a thing or two about how sharks are created. And burying them in the craziest country in the world feet from their domain after being humped by a chick in a bikini is precisely how land sharks are made! How do I know this? Science!

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