Kids These Days 42

I know I have mentioned some dumb things kids these days do. The Knife Game and the Salt and Ice one are just a couple. But I'll be damned if they haven't managed to come up with a game that is so stupid that it makes me question not only the future but the definition of the word “game.” This new shit is called the Fire Challenge and it is turning kids into S'Mores.

Now how this is played is you set yourself on fire. That's it. They stand in a shower usually, pour some alcohol or whatever else they have around that is flammable, and set themselves on fire. Look. This is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard in my life. This is a level of idiocy that my brain can't even comprehend. If I were a computer there would be a spinning pinwheel loading for hours in a sad attempt to make this something I could understand.

Me trying to understand.

There are thousands of videos of people doing this. Thousands. One was a jackass from L.A named Fernando Valencia. He ended up deforming himself from the neck to waist. “You just see fire, you can't really see nothing. Since I saw other people fail, I thought I could do the same thing but actually last longer under the flame...I can't really say nothing else besides it was a dumb idea.”

At least now he has a gigantic new scar to tell everyone about for the rest of his life. Oh, and the medical bills his parents have to pay and the way they will look at him for the rest of their lives because they raised a kid that thought setting himself on fire was a good idea.

"I'm a candle!"

I love that he saw “other people fail” as if there was a winning in this. You know how you can really win? By not being stupid enough to set yourself on fire! Animals know that fire is bad and stay away from it. I was telling Cam that if I had a kid and they did this goofy shit I would punch them while they were recovering in the hospital. Sure, I'd be in jail but everyone would understand why I did it.

When I was a kid children would play with matches. They would sometimes burn shit down and get their asses kicked. My cousin and this little boy set the side of my Grandmama's garage on fire and got destroyed by their mamas. But what they didn't do was pour something on their own bodies to make themselves more flammable! I don't get it. I just don't. And I do not think I want to. I like the idea of this making no sense to me. If I had done this when I was little you would be hearing from the new Dante. I'd be that guy you know that looked like a brown Cheeto because my mother wouldn't have wasted a dime trying to fix stupid.

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