Monday, October 6, 2014

17 Hours Of Wood

Oh, this poor bastard. 23 year old Jason Garnett of the United Kingdom ended up with a wang that wouldn't go away for 17 damned hours. He says that when it first happened he wasn't too concerned. I've had some last for hours at a time but it was usually being put to use if you smell what I'm cooking. So with a boner he headed to work at a hotel where I hope he doesn't have to tuck his shirt in because that is just an awkward situation for everyone. Later in the day he realized that it still hadn't gone down which makes me wonder how in the hell he was able to pee. Ladies, it is very difficult to use the bathroom with a boner. Not impossible. Just difficult. He ended up telling his roommate about his situation later on. I'm not close to anyone in my life to ever help out if they came to me with this problem. I have brothers whose feet I won't even look at let alone their penises. You tell me that something is wrong with your junk that is just your damned problem. Go consult a physician. You drop trough in front of me you'll end up with a whole new issue!

“You should have seen the look on his face when I told him what was wrong. He was in hysterics at first, but then he realized how serious the situation was” he said. He ended up going to the doctor and then the real nightmare began.

The hospital told him that he had priapism which means that his dick will not go down. This is the same warning that comes with things like Viagra. It has nothing to do with sex and is just your body being an asshole. They drained two pints of blood from his penis and when that had no effect they ended up using twenty four rounds of medication into it before Hulk turned back into Bruce Banner. “Seeing them stab my penis with a needle was a horrible experience, like something out of a horror film. The pain was 10 out of 10.” I would call him stupid for waiting so long but I've done worse and turned it into my short story 50 Stripes Of Gray. He says that his junk is normal now “apart from the fact that it looks like it's been through a war.” I can only imagine what it looks like. Probably like something from Lord Of The Rings. An Ork. His dick probably looks like an Ork. By the way, that is an actual picture of the guy. Not just some random image of a guy I found holding his junk with too much shit in his pockets. And this is not a picture of a broken dick. I have seen real images and they are far more disturbing than a broken hot dog. 

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