Dante Bitches About Cosmo 12 Things a Guy Thinks Article

I hate Cosmo. Besides thinking that it is secretly run by gay men that hate women and want them to hate themselves I also think it is run by women that think men are idiots and post articles pretending to be men that say idiotic things women and men believe. I saw this article called 12 Things a Guy Thinks When You Sit On His Face that was allegedly written by a guy. I am not gonna post all twelve things because each one is equally stupid.

And by the way, I didn't pick that picture of Nicki Minaj. They did. That is the picture they choose to discuss what men think about when a woman is sitting on their faces. The picked a chick with a scary fake ass making a scary face singing what only I can imagine is a scary song. Some of you only clicked on this link because of that picture. Every chair she sits on becomes a throne of lies. I am gonna write a few things that I have thought because I can only speak for other men when it comes to mistakes. And the picture I use is way hotter. Let's begin.

1) Oh you want me to go down on you...so why are you keeping me on my back? This isn't making sense.

2) I can't breathe. I need a signal for you to give me some air that isn't me throwing you off me in a panic.

3) My eye is basically in her butt. Is this...is this how all adults get pink eye?

4) I have no choice but to make her orgasm. She will not release me from her grip until then.

5) Are you coming or is my world ending? I can't even see anymore. It's just pitch black and vibrations, like an earthquake in a cave.

My turn.

Too many thoughts. If a woman is sitting on your face you should not be thinking that much nonsense. If a chick is sitting on your face you are in a magical land and chances are your penis is gonna be touched soon unless she is selfish and those women do still exist. These sound like the thoughts of someone in a 69 for the first time in which case I'd understand some of these thoughts. Whenever I've been in a face sitting situation here are the thoughts I had.

1) This is unexpected.

2) This is fun.

3) I need to adjust for air.

If you have never had your face sat on there are times where you will not be able to breathe if a chick gets too into it. You're not a man. You're not even a mouth. You are a device with which they will grind, bounce, and writhe on to achieve an orgasm. I have been scratched, cut, and punched in the head during the sexy time. Don't feel too bad about it. Some men stick their dicks in fruit to simulate a woman's vajayjay and women know this and still like some of us. Not me, but you. They like you. You can't be mad that she's riding you like a Sybian machine. Some of you just went “What's that?” Search at your own risk.

By the way, the woman above is UFC woman's champion Ronda Rousey and she could easily break me down like Ikea furniture and look hot while doing it.

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