Why Isn't Dante Dating? The Maddening

Any reason someone has for me to date someone I know I always have a dozen reasons why I should not for their every one. That is not to say that I don't know some women that in the past I would've been lucky to have as a girlfriend, but as of now...no. I have said in the past when someone would ask me why I wouldn't date some of the women I know and my response was “I know them too well.” What I mean by that is that I am immature and have seen some of the men they have dated and boned or heard what they did and the idea of following them skeeves me out. Not all the time but some. Mostly because my imagination is terribly vivid and some of the guys my friends have dated were far below me in terms of everything but goals.

Ah, goals.

Sometimes that is all you need to bed a woman. You don't even need to have something tangible. You can live on the couch in your mothers living room and chew your toenails while bitching about all the milk being gone but if you tell the right woman that you plan on getting a degree or about your small business that you've been planning (for the last 10 years but she doesn't need to know all that) her draws will explode off her body like a warm-up outfit at the start of an NBA game. “Oh, my god! He has such big dreams!”

I don't have goals. Not like most guys have. And most guys have those goals to get women. Its not about making themselves better for their own good. Its to look good. Its like how when Dave Chappelle said “Men don't like nice cars because they like nice cars. Men like nice cars because they know women like nice cars. Because men are hunters. And the car is the bait. It's like this, 'Hey, nice car.' 'Gotcha, bitch!'”

I don't like the word goals. I just have shit that either needs to get started, get done, or stopped. Either I am working towards those things or strongly considering it. But you won't hear me say something like “Maybe I should get a degree in...” because if I were thinking that I'd have already started doing it. You all would just have to read less of my nonsense on a daily basis. Its about accountability and I am accountable pretty much to no one. I don't even like talking about what I plan on doing. I like to do it and hand it to you. There. I did it. Now I am doing something else. Know why? I hate hearing about people telling me what they plan on doing...for years. Even when I mentioned the deprivation tank I had already made the appointment to actually do it.

I'm way off topic.

When I hear what women I know want in a guy it is the opposite of me. They aren't saying these things to be mean to me. They know just as well as I do that they will never touch me and vice versa. But still...its weird to hear someone describe their perfect guy to you and know that you are not and never will be that guy. Not for lack of trying, more so because that guy doesn't sound all that interesting. Let me run down what I hear the most.

Good job. College education. Funny. Smart. Tall. Loves his family. In shape. Active. Romantic. I miss anything?

Oh. Loves animals.

They want Martin Luther Jesus Idris Einstein Channing Gosling for a boyfriend. I have said and still say that all I care about is if a woman is nice and can talk. That's it. If you happen to be attractive that is cool but its not a prerequisite. I have had all kinds of girlfriends. Heights from mine to legal midgets. Unemployed to county officials. Mexican to Black. Smart to being shocked that they survived childhood intact. Religious to atheist. Sober to drug addict. In shape to blobs. The one thing I can say about each and every one of them was at the start we could talk our asses off to one another.

I think the reason why so many women end up unhappy or not satisfied with the guys they are with, or god forbid have kids or marry, is that they have such a high level of expectation. But what I rarely hear is what they bring to the table...unless they are upset about a man. I've actually heard women expound their college education, job, home, and the kind of car they drive to vindicate themselves. “I have all these things. Why am I single?”

Not one word about what type of person they are. You're hot? Okay. What else? If you place such a high level of expectation on someone that you want to be with you have to bring something as well. If someone asks you to bring a turkey dinner to the party you can't show up with a Lunchable and expect them to be fine with that. What do you produce? Are you comfortable to be around? You funny? Good at talking about media or are you one of those “I don't watch much TV” people that are so fun to be around at gatherings? You do any kind of art? What kind of hobbies do you have? What are you like when you're upset?

Who are you other than your clothes, possessions, and goals?

You aren't any of the physical things you possess unless you make yourself those things. If you can't act like a human being because you haven't had coffee chances are you're just a dick naturally. If you develop a twitch because you forgot your cell phone then you likely have more social issues than I do. If you've ever told a man to be a man there is a very good possibility that I hate you even though we've never met.

I fantasize a lot. Like...a lot. I was thinking after my deprivation tank experience about one of my friends. Just entertaining the notion of dating her. Wondering what would change and such. I wasn't picturing anything sexual at all, just trying to picture what it would be like if the two of us started dating.

Scenario A. We start dating and it is weird at first but eventually we settle into it. We hang out, laugh, have a good time, and when the mood strikes us we make with the kissing. Its awesome.

Scenario B. We start dating, realize it was a bad idea, and the friendship is forever weird.

Scenario C. We start dating and it is really good...until it isn't. We start fighting about shit and then not only do I lose a girlfriend, I also lose a friend.

Call me crazy. You can also call me The Greatest Man That Ever Lived. But I tend to hold friendships, for real ones, to a higher regard than I have relationships in the past. One of my ex's even accused me of the same thing in a way. So if I started liking a friend and dated that friend and lost that friend I'd be more upset than if I met some chick, dated some chick, and lost that chick. Does that makes sense? It does to me and that's all that matters really.

I want things to be cool and dating friends has the potential to ruin that. I have said this to those that wish that I would date and they say it is worth that chance. I'm not adventurous nor daring. Hell. I use words like “nor.” It would take a friend making the first move because I know me and me won't do it. Until that happens I shall continue to actively stay unattracted to people publicly while on the inside liking women I can't have.

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