For a few years now I've wanted to try a deprivation tank. I'd heard of them for quite a while but never knew why you'd want to use one or where they were even located. What really got me into the idea of actually using one came from the Joe Rogan Experience podcast. I'm sure that's what most people that go to one of these places says and I almost want to not give the same answer when I go.
Next week I'll be heading to Float Labs in Westwood for a two hour deprivation experience. Like I said, I'd planned to do this for a while and after making these plans with others and it not panning out I realized that I needed to just do it myself and not wait for others to join me. This is how I am with a lot of things in my life for better or for worse. I've noticed that when I include other people, or worse, tell people that I am going to do something chances are it will take longer for me to actually do or not get done at all. Once I announce myself as a form of accountability my brain shuts down action.
In one of the many times that Rogan has talked about these tanks, which he personally owns as well, this is what he had to say. “The first 20 minutes or so, for me at least, it's like a – it's like a – a sort of a seminar on my life. It shows me all the different issues in my life that I don't like and that I need to fix and things that are bothering me and things about my own behavior that could've been better and things that where I'm disappointed in myself.”
I feel that I need a clearly defined goal for doing this. Its happening no matter what. I made this appointment almost a month ago and am not backing out. I want to be better but am not exactly sure what that even means for me personally. I know some of it has to deal with how I handle people and the people I have in my life. Who needs to stay? Who needs to go? Why do I treat some one way and others another? Who is contributing and who does nothing but take?
The psychedelic aspect of this tank is a bonus. In reality I'd love to not hear or feel anything for a couple of hours and know what that's like. My brain is in a constant state of alertness and thought and having it shut off for even ten minutes seems like a dream. I know that others have their brains occupied with thoughts of their family, work, and things like that. Mine doesn't work like that. My head is always wanting to make stuff. I've recently written about the things I do and why I do them (click here for that). It'd be nice to not think of those things for a while.
I have no fear of being in a closed box for a few hours. Claustrophobia is not something I think about. I'm not concerned with any germ aspects. If those were things that made me hesitant to try the tank I would flat out just not do it and go to a massage place to try and relax and hope for the best. My mind is ready to try something new to see what's doing in my head without the use of drugs. I'm not super anti-drugs. I just choose not to do them contrary to what many think. You wouldn't believe how many family, friends, and coworkers have thought I took drugs. The way I think, behave, and create is completely drug free. Imagine if it wasn't. That's a horrifying thought. I just know that the human mind and reality is flimsy and altering it with something I can't control is an iffy idea.
The one thing I am concerned with/excited about it being a new version of me. I'm pretty consistent. If you haven't met me in 15 years chances are all you'd be surprised by is the fact that I now have tattoos. But in terms of how my life has turned out you wouldn't be shocked by anything. Back to the drugs for a moment. I've told people that we all have a door that doesn't need to be opened. A part of ourselves that we keep locked away for our safety and others. Its why I don't drink when I am upset or put myself in situations when I have been drinking that could lead to violence or anger. I don't want to open a door that I can't close. There have been times where I felt that nine tailed fox inside bubbling up and had to remove myself from situations. Now I want to confront it and find out what happens.
In a controlled environment of course.