People Magazine has released their
Sexiest Man Alive nonsense and of course I'm not happy with it. 40
year old David Beckham won which is bullshit because his first name
is not Ryan and his last name is not Gosling. He pulled the humble
shit that people that win this type of award tend to when he was told
that he had received this. “It's a huge honor. And I'm very pleased
to accept.” As if he would say “Nah. I'm good.”
“I never feel that I'm an attractive,
sexy person. I mean I like to wear nice clothes and nice suits and
look and feel good, but I don't ever think of myself that way.”
Shut up your lying liar that lies! To me Beckham is a guy that played
soccer, or professional kickball to the rest of the world, and then
married a Spice Girl. Not even the hottest one either. Its Scary
Spice in case you're wondering. Fuck, that woman is hot. Anyhoot, I
used to see his mug on all the British tabloids when I worked at the
porn shop and thought “Fuck this guy. He's throwing off the curve.”
Then I heard him talk and felt better.
Number two on this list is Justin
Timberlake for...reasons. I'm not quite sure. Maybe because he had a
kid or has a new album coming out. I have no idea. Either way he's
here. Also, there is some country singer named Chris Stapleton.
Who?
Why? I have never heard of this guy and when I saw his picture I
started cracking up laughing. I'm sure there are some women out there
that look at this guy and swoon. They're called women that would
never date me without pissing off everyone they know and being disowned by their family.
Nick
Jonas is in tenth place while Idris Elba is in fourth. Idris needs to
be in the top three in any list even Sexiest Woman Alive. This can
can act his ass off, makes women want to betray their races, and even
escaped the evil clutches of K. Michelle. Don't know who she is?
Don't worry about it. Some chick with a huge, fake ass that he
apparently messed around with. And for everyone wanting Idris to be
James Bond, stop. He doesn't want that shit. He's too busy stealing
your girl.
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