Only In Florida 9

You know that thing when kids get in trouble and their names aren't released because they're minors? Not in Florida! 15 year old Nicholas Lucari is facing felony charges after messing with the drink of his 69 year old teacher Dale Dawson Yount. This kid is going to be in for a world of trouble.

Cue sad Hulk Music.

While in school he decided that it would be funny/cool/interesting perhaps to put a hand sanitizer, Germ-X, into his teacher's Diet Coke. That drink is already bad enough without some punk ass kid adding shit to it. The police report says that Nicholas “did willfully, intentionally, and with the intent to injure” Yount and he's been “ suspended from school pending an expulsion hearing.” The teacher starting feeling sick after having the drink and went to a hospital.

Kids These Days 4

I typed in "insane child" on Google and this was one of the first images to pop up. It needs to be replaced with an image of a child doing what apparently is the latest trend: drinking motherfucking hand sanitizer to get goddamn drunk. Kids are stupid. This is not new information. They have to be clothed, fed, and changed until hopefully they start doing that shit for themselves.

Pictured: Responsible teen.

What are you, an ass? I know that kids want to get fucked up on stuff (click here to watch a news report). They sniff glue, lick windows, and eat paint chips. I get it. Life is hard. What with growing tits, having bad skin, and having to do homework all week sometimes even on Fridays. Oh, the pain of it all! It seems that liquid sanitizer has 62% ethyl alcohol and is 120 proof. That’s more proof than they tried to use against OJ Simpson!