Dante Learns The 6th Amendment

I don’t see how anyone can learn these Amendments and not eventually go crazy. We’ll see how I am by the tenth one. Right now we are at the 6th Amendment which is one that is usually heard after something honked up has already occurred in your life. No one tells you this one and hands you a plate of delicious peppermint chocolate chip cookies.

“In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense.”

Oh, you done goofed! Now, what they mean by a speedy trial, at least according to my raggedy ass logic, is that within a year of you being in the booty house you have to go to trial. Sort of. A trial cant be held off for, like, no reason. There has to be a damned good reason why you haven’t been tried. They can hold off if they cant find a witness or if the venue changes. What is this? A concert?

You're missing Guiding Light for this shit.

You also have the right to a public trial. Which I totally would want. I swear, if I ever went to court and that shit was televised I guarantee all of you that you would watch that shit like it was the moon landing! I would do a little dance into court followed by splits. Have a nice new suit, that you all paid for, every day. But if a public trial fucked with your chances of it being fair, it would not be televised and such. Boo.

Now we’re at the impartial jury phase. No one likes doing jury duty and those that do scare me. Imagine a jury of your peers, whatever that means. You cant find twelve me’s! And if you did prepare for a battle the likes of which you’ve never seen. And seriously, do you think this girl has peers?

Nope.

So far after learning six of these things, I already think that shit needs to be changed. For everything I have read or written there are eighteen things added on that do nothing but confuse me even more.

Click here for previous Dante Learns The Amendments.