Dante Learns The 9th Amendment

It has been a while since I tried to learn the Amendments and as soon as I tried learning this 9th Amendment my eyes started crossing. This doesn't make sense to me and I'm wondering if its because I am trying to make more of it than there is.

“The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.”

This is by far one of the most confusing Amendments that I have come across. It reads like psychobabble. Even explanations of it confuse me. “The Ninth Amendment explicitly bars denial of unenumerated rights if the denial is based on the enumeration of certain rights in the Constitution, but this amendment does not explicitly bar denial of unenumerated rights if the denial is based on the enumeration of certain powers in the Constitution. It is to that enumeration of powers that the courts have pointed, in order to determine the extent of the unenumerated rights mentioned in the Ninth Amendment.”

Dante Learns The 8th Amendment

I know I have not done one of these in a while but here I am continuing to learn the Amendments. Some of these I hear about but just small parts. Enough for people to prove their point while leaving out other aspects. Some of the ones that are in the Constitution are totally meant to keep British from fucking with folks or to say how we’re better than the kinds that used to run our shit. The 8th Amendment is one I know of but have never looked into thoroughly.

“Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.”

Cruel? Yes. Unusual? No.

As soon as I read that a giant question mark appeared over my head. Mostly because each of those three things happen on a daily basis and especially by the government. Let me break each part of these down.

Dante Learns The 7th Amendment

This is another one of those Amendments made because British rule was ridiculous. They were all like “I say, kind sir. Though shalt be rapped upon thine ears by our king!“ I mean, ours is at present but it isn’t as bad as they were doing it back in the day. Meaning in the grand scheme of things not all that long ago. There are people that can trace their family lineage back further than this country has been around.

“In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.”

Dante Learns The 6th Amendment

I don’t see how anyone can learn these Amendments and not eventually go crazy. We’ll see how I am by the tenth one. Right now we are at the 6th Amendment which is one that is usually heard after something honked up has already occurred in your life. No one tells you this one and hands you a plate of delicious peppermint chocolate chip cookies.

“In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense.”

Oh, you done goofed! Now, what they mean by a speedy trial, at least according to my raggedy ass logic, is that within a year of you being in the booty house you have to go to trial. Sort of. A trial cant be held off for, like, no reason. There has to be a damned good reason why you haven’t been tried. They can hold off if they cant find a witness or if the venue changes. What is this? A concert?

Dante Learns The 5th Amendment

Yet another one of those Amendments that people love to throw around. I’m seriously waiting to get to one of these that, like, no one ever uses and start using it. I’m sure there has to be one that covers people not taking your cow if it has only two spots on it or something. The 5th Amendment is funny because people only say one line regarding it but is nowhere in it.

I said the 5th...nevermind.

“No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.”

Dante Learns The 4th Amendment

On my seemingly never-ending quest to figure out what the hell the US Amendments are I have now reached the 4th which is one that people also scream about the most. This is one is super complicated and I’ll only pick through the parts that apply to me because fuck doing thorough research.

“The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.”

Once again, some of this is a holdover from when the English were ruling our asses. It pretty much meant that no one with a crown could run up in your house and be like “I have found some shit that could get you locked up so now I shall take thee to the booty house!” The honked up part is that this Amendment is only applicable to the government, not some nosy asshole that decided to snoop and find your stash of horse porn and weed. It varies in each state so you should probably know how yours operates.

Dante Learns The 3rd Amendment

In my never ending search for truth, justice, and the American way I have moved on to finding out what the 3rd Amendment is. This is one I don’t really hear anything about and I guess its either because it doesn’t serve anyone’s purpose when it comes to doing dumb shit and hiding behind it or no one knows it exists. This one won’t take that damned long to take care of.

“No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.”

Dante Learns The 2nd Amendment

The more I start to read about the Amendments contained in the Bill Of Rights the more things make sense to me. I mean, it makes sense why nothing makes sense. These things are terribly outdated and leave far too much room for interpretation. Its like the bible but more dangerous because you don’t have to believe in God to use this stuff. This entry is about the 2nd Amendment which is one of the ones we hear about the most, usually when someone feels the need to carry way too many weapons or just wanna look cool.

I’m gonna post what this Amendment says and then try and figure out how so many people get it wrong or go way too far with it. Check out this nonsense and we’ll hold hands and attempt to make sense of it.

“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.”

Dante Learns The 1st Amendment

I have lived in this country my entire life and went to school and all that nonsense. Sadly I didn't learn much in school. In all honesty I have learned more in the past three years than I did from the ages of 5-18 in the LAUSD. While listening to the news and various podcasts I realized that I don't know the goddamn Amendments. I hear about them but usually by lunatics defending their right to shoot me in the face or walk around with bazookas while talking mad shit.

I have decided that I'm gonna research each Amendment and try and figure out what they mean for the country and myself because who knows when I'm gonna be laying facedown on the pavement drenched in pepper spray with three taser prongs sticking out of my ass with eight guns aimed at me. I should probably check and see exactly what the hell the Amendments are.