Dante Vs. Nature 19

I saw an article that started with the sentence “…giant eyeball washed up on a Florida beach…” and immediately started stretching for The Great Shove 20--. The reason that no year is permanently listed is because I don’t travel and getting near that state is like me saying I want to voluntarily jump into the ocean aka Earth’s Buffet. “Experts” are saying that the eye belongs to a sailfish…probably. They aren’t even 100% sure. They’re just throwing shit against the wall and seeing what will not make Dante go nuts.

This is what science is trying to calm us down with: nature with built in swords.

I don’t like knowing that something is big enough to have an eyeball that big. There is only one thing that has an eye that large and its only when its in its infancy. It’s the thing that should not be. He who slumbers. Yeah, you know exactly who I’m talking about!

When Metallica makes two songs about you you're an evil mofo.

Every once in a while nature will send something for us to know that its not done fucking with our minds. Kind of like the rich folks in the Hunger Games. We think we’re in charge and know everything then suddenly a huge fucking eyeball washes ashore in a not so subtle way of saying “I’m watching you…” Don’t worry, nature. I’m watching you too. And I sleep with a big stick and knives next to my bed just in case you’re feeling saucy.

Click here for past Dante Vs. Nature.