Dante Bitches About Esquire Woman Of The Year 2013

64.6% of people made a bad decision. Esquire Magazine made their Woman Of The Year list and the woman that won is someone I've never heard of named Emily Ratajkowski. When I saw pictures of her and the names that made the final four on this list I got unreasonably pissed. Maybe its because I'm hungry. Maybe I'm tired of the combination of no hips, super skinny, giant tits being the go-to for these magazines. GQ also made this chick their woman of the year as well because if you're gonna do something stupid, do it twice.

You may have not heard of Ratajkowski but if you've seen that Blurred Lines video before getting sick of hearing the song she plays one of the naked girls bouncing around. She's also done modeling and went to UCLA for a year. That is all the information around for her besides a lot of pictures of her topless and looking half high/half nervous. This chick will not even be talked about next year.

She prays for a Blurred Lines sequel.

Other names to vote for that I would've picked over the final four which I'll show later are Emma Stone, Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, Beyonce, Katy Perry, and Rihanna. I listed the ones most people will know. The rest are woman that showed up in something, looked sexy, and were forgettable.

Some people got pissed that no real women of the year were voted for like Malala Yousafzi. If you think that a 16 year old girl who survived being shot by the Taliban would be proud or even want to be on a list made by a men's magazine for being what is just another Sexiest Woman Alive list you are out of your fucking mind. These lists are a goof. No matter how awesome your mom is she won't make this list. Malala is cool making the world a better place for young women.

Another name on this list that made it to the final four is Alice Eve. This toothy chick was in Men In Black 3, She's Out Of My League, and Star Trek Into Darkness. I'm not even kind of sure why she made it to the final four in this other than the fact that she fits the formula and wore a bra and draws in Star Trek for a moment. Next!

Kate Upton makes every list as she should because she is hot. But that's about it. If you value your erection never read or watch an interview with her. Better yet, pretend she can't even talk. Its a total boner kill. She wants to start being taken seriously which is always funny to me coming out of the mouth of someone under 30. Just enjoy the fact people will fall in love with you just because of your looks for a few more years. Next!

Jennifer Lawrence was in Hunger Games, she's won an Oscar. She's moving on up in the world with an acting ability that is barely there. Good for her. As much of a not fan of her that I am I think that if this list is based off of talent, exposure, revenue generated, and relevance to pop culture that she should be number one on this list...no matter how badly I think Sofia Vergara should be number one on almost every list.

Every.

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