Only In Florida 3

You ever get so mad at someone that you bust a toilet seat lid over their head? Me neither. At least not yet. Who knows what the future holds?! A dude in Florida named Norris Troutman who is 20 years old and 6 foot 6 got his ass arrested on a felony battery charge for hitting his uncle, that is disabled, in the head with a toilet seat cover for apparently no reason whatsoever.

His uncle, Sammy Lee Johnson and 48, was sitting on the couch watching TV with his mom when Norris just came into the living room and walloped him with the damned thing. His uncle said he was “was unsure why Mr. Troutman was upset with him” and “did nothing to provoke the attack.” What confuses me about this story other than the fact that a dude attacked someone with this choice of weapon is where he got it from.

The window sill.

Why was there a toilet seat cover in the window sill? Was it there to block out light? Hold the window open? For use in case of random ass uncle smacking? So many questions! The cops say that he got the aggravated battery charge for the use of a deadly weapon/blunt object. They also say that Norris claimed that his uncle had mocked him. I've been mocked countless times in my life but it never occurred to me to use any part of the toilet to fight back.

The last time a toilet was used as a weapon. A lethal weapon!

Norris is in jail on $20,000 bond which I'm pretty sure he can't afford. Can't see any of his family bailing him out unless they remove all toilet lids prison style. Also, Norris was arrested just last year for multiple counts of drug possession and loitering. He has a tattoo on his neck so he's already a loss cause. That's right, I said it. If you have a tattoo on your neck and above you better be so rich you never have to work for anyone else or you have already dedicated yourself to a life of crime.

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