Be A Woman!

I'm gonna teach women how to be women. If you kept reading past that sentence I love your face. In recent weeks I've noticed an increase in articles with women teaching men how to be men and being upset that they couldn't get the right man. I have never told a woman “Be a woman!” because I'm not quite sure what that phrase means. I know when I hear “Be a man!” its said by a woman that I'd likely never talk to. I talk to very smart and strong women. It tends to be in the context of a man taking care of their kid, paying money for something, or hitting someone in defense of a woman. I would never think to tell someone to be their gender, particularly since women do so much that men do nowadays.

But...

I do have some suggestions, particularly for young women walking around today. Girls walk around proud of the fact that they can and choose to do far less than women before them. Women who did a great job of raising families. I'm not saying you all need to stay at home, quit working, and just pump out kids. I would not suggest that even though stay at home moms kick ass. But some things that worked in the past still work. Except slavery. Don't bring that back. I have soft hands and sweat easily.

I have complied some suggestions for the ladies. You can use them or not. If none of this applies to you then share it with someone it does. You can read this and call me an asshole but secretly agree with me because my legs are awesome and my eyelashes are hypnotizing. You can almost look at this as a letter to a daughter I'll never have.

Leave Some Mystery

There are girls walking around wearing pants so tight that I can tell if they shave down there or not. Stop doing that. Stop letting your young daughters do that. People think that kids doing grown up things are cute until they make you a grandmother at 25. There's no need to show the world what you have before they even know what your voice sounds like. “I got it so I can flaunt it” is not only an old ass phrase that no one uses anymore its also something that not everyone needs to live by.

If a guy is just looking at you because you are wearing jean colored skin with your breasts hanging out you can't be shocked when they turn out to treat you like a piece of meat. I remember when I first saw Da Brat and Erykah Badu for the first time not wearing baggy pants or wrapped in pounds of cloth. I was like “Wow. Who knew?!” And that's hot. Its nice when everything isn't on display.

Stay Out Of The Fight

I've talked about this one before but I swear that every time I watch a fight online a guy is going at it and his woman jumps in. I know a lot of women think this is cool and want to be a down ass chick and come to the rescue of their man, but seriously, stay out of it. The last thing you want to do is get caught with an errant punch by your own man who is defending you because some guy commented on your short ass dress.

Also, if your man is about to fight because you've decided to date a caveman don't hold his arms. Dudes have been knocked out and kicked on the ground while their woman screams for help because they grabbed their arms when a fight was about to happen. While we're at it, ladies, stop fighting. There are too many young girls out there fighting each other and thinking that shit is cute. It really isn't. And stop fighting guys. That shit is only cool in movies.

Don't Treat Him Like The Past

Remember that asshole that abandoned the family when you were little? Name started with a “D.” Dad. That's it. Your man is not him. It sucks that so many women take father issues out on their guy. I've been on the receiving end of this a few times and it sucked because it was like pogo jumping on a mine field. I'm like “I'm gonna go to the store real quick” and it turns out that's the last thing her father said to her before vanishing for the rest of her life.

Don't treat guys like the last guy you had either. Just because he cheated on you doesn't mean that the next guy you're with will too. A lot of times a guy will be accused of cheating so much that when the opportunity comes to actually do it he will and he will justify it by saying “Well, she thinks I'm doing it anyway so I might as well...”

There are some really good guys that get turned into bad ones because of women treating them wrong. I've been tempted to turn to The Dark Side quite a few times in my life only to realize that it just isn't worth it. I'm lazy as fuck. Not all guys do that though and will start treating all the women in their life bad because of one crazy ass one.

Learn To Take Care Of Yourself

This doesn't just mean making sure your hair and nails are done and that your clothes are in style. I'm talking about knowing how to cook and clean. There is this new pride that women have today in not cooking or cleaning for themselves and others. Some women keep their places looking like a pig sty (bad for men or women that are grown ass people!) and laugh when you bring up cooking. Knowing how to do these things is seen as a throwback to women of the past and something that was used to hold them down. Its not. Being able to feed yourself and others is not something to be ashamed of.

You're Worth More Than You Know

Here's a quote from Dave Chappelle's stand-up Killing Them Softly that has always stuck with me because of how true it is. “The magazines start picking at your self-esteem. Every page you turn, you start feeling fatter, and uglier, and you feel like your clothes aren't good enough. And the magazines have you forgetting how fucking beautiful you are. And that's what happens. Now look what happens. And then you forget how beautiful you are, and we all suffer. If pussy was a stock, it would be plummeting right now because you've flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too easy. I'm just being truthful. I'm just talking. It would plummet! We'd be watching the news. 'Today, pussy plummeted again on the NASDAQ. Gold is up ten points.'”

I know so many smart, funny, hot, cool, loving, and talented ass women that can sit there and pick themselves apart over things concerning how they look or how they are living. It messes with my head because I listen to them say that stuff and wish that I could have a woman like them like me but wonder how it is possible when they find it hard to love themselves. When women feel like shit they accept shit and that isn't fair to anyone. Once you all realize just how fucking good you are you'll feel so much better.