It felt like it had been years but in
actuality it had been just weeks since Gary had sex. When you looked
the way Gary did the idea if not having women clawing each others
eyes out to be in bed with you the occurrence of weeks without sex
seemed impossible. For someone like his roommate Delvin sex was
something that happened every once in a great while and when it
happened there was cause for celebration. Once, Gary burst into the
bedroom after Delvin had sex with balloons and streamers. Gary did
not get the reaction he'd expected.
“I wish someone would've thrown me a
party after getting laid!” he shouted at Delvin while rubbing ice
on his head.
The fact that Delvin had the chance to
have sex with someone as hot as Dr. Basir was driving Gary insane. He
knew that what he was doing was the ultimate form of cockblocking.
After finding her address on the cover of a magazine in the waiting
room while Delvin was getting the results from his weeks long
poisonous penis predicament Gary now sat waiting for her to arrive home.
“Shit” Gary said aloud. “I have
no idea what time she gets off of work.” For a moment Gary wondered
if he should go and pick Delvin up. Then the moment passed and he
began clipping his toenails in the car. “Gotta make sure I look
good for Dr. Selka Basir aka Bang Ladesha. Bitches don't like long
toe nails...”
Sirens approaching made Gary duck down
low in his seat. He wasn't sure why. He knew that what he was doing
could be viewed as wrong on some level but those were levels that his
mental elevator didn't stop on. After the sirens faded away Gary
checked his face in his rearview mirror. He could do with a shave.
Maybe I should drive home real quick, he thought. Then the idea of
missing Dr. Basir made him stay put.
“Cant miss out on some of that
biryani punani” he said and laughed to himself. “Fuck, its
early.” Gary leaned his seat back and within minutes was fast
asleep. He had a dream of doing things to Dr. Basir that would make a
Black man blush when suddenly on a large screen the image of Delvin
crying into a bucket appeared. Gary woke up laughing when his phone
rang. “Oh, that shit was funny. Oh, no...” he said when he saw it
was Delvin calling. “What it do, nephew?”
“Where are you?” Delvin asked.
“I'm not sure I wanna answer that”
Gary replied. “You don't sound like someone who just got laid.”
“I didn't 'get laid'” Delvin said.
“I've been at this bus stop for over an hour and would like to get
home and start taking my medicine as soon as possible.” Gary tapped
his steering wheel trying to figure out how to say no. He couldn't so
he just hung up. “Hello...?”
“Don't need to deal with that right
now” Gary said as his phone rang again. It was a number he didn't
know so he let it go to voice mail before checking.
It was Dr. Basir!
“Hey, Gary. Its your best friend
Delvin's doctor. My roommate called me about a car that's been
parking outside of my place for a while now that fits the description
or your vehicle. If you're wondering how I got your number Delvin
left you as his emergency contact since you're his best friend and
all. If you look at my window you should see something special.”
Gary slowly turned his head towards Dr.
Basir's house. A small Japanese woman who looked like she may have
starred in films alongside Dr. Basir was standing in the window
waving to him with a rifle in her other hand.
“I think it's time for you to go home
now, Gary.”
“That sounds like a great idea”
Gary said as he turned the key in his ignition. “How about I swing
by around 8 o'clock?”
“How about I cut off your dick and
stick it up your ass?' Dr. Basir asked.
“Only after I've stuck it up yours”
Gary replied cheerfully.
“Bye, Gary.”
“Damn!” Gary shouted with joy. “Now
that is some wifey material!” he said as he drove off.
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