Dante Vs. Nature 45

They recently released a list of the most rat infested cities. Of course this was done by Orkin so you shouldn't believe it completely, but still, fuck this list. Now, in the 14 years I have lived in my apartment there was one rat issue and that asshole was in the ceiling. I never saw it and had it eliminated before things escalated. When I was little my Grandmama had rat issues. See one dart out the corner of your eye and yelp...then run after it. We were animals. Here are the twelve most rat infested cities listed and when you get to number two you'll see why I'm so pissed off. When I think of places just full of rats I imagine those movies of the future where rats are like flies in Africa. You don't even swat them away. Oh, look. A rat. It's the future so we may have to eat it later. Let it fatten up on its brethren. That's how it works right? Yeah. I'm sure it is. Hey. Survival of the fittest and all that. 

12. Denver Colorado, 11. Dallas/Ft. Worth Texas, 10. Miami/Ft. Lauderdale Florida, 9. Baltimore Maryland, 8. Cleveland/Akron/Canton Ohio, 7. Detroit Michigan, 6. Seattle/Tacoma Washington, 5. San Francisco California, 4. New York New York, 3. Washington/D.C.-Hagerstown, 2. Los Angeles California, and 1. Chicago Illinois.

How in the hell is Los Angeles number 2?! Before seeing this list, if you'd asked me which cities had the most rats nine of the twelve spots would have been New York. Then Chicago, and for no reason Florida. I watched some interviews where L.A officials tried to explain why we had so many saying things like how we are so densely packed and have so many people in a small amount of space (millions and millions of people live here).

To me that means there should be less rats because since there are so many of us here we can go “Rat!” and kill it more often. Till this day I don't see rats often. I can't tell you the last time I even saw one or heard one skittering around like a crackhead. Anyhoot, fuck this list.

Click here for previous Dante Vs. Nature.