Five Things I Learned Being A Custodian

Its been two years and just into my third year as a custodian. Or janitor. I'm not really sure of the difference. Let me look. “The main difference between a janitor and a custodian is that a custodian has a broader role that includes maintenance and facility management, while a janitor's role is primarily focused on cleaning.” Damn. Guess I am a custodian. You may wonder how someone who has had my weird ass work history became a custodian. I have worked I have moved dead bodies, assistant editing, reality TV, behind a register, transcribing, reading scripts, working in a mail room, porn shop, and cleaning hospitals, and pet stores. If I looked at this from the outside I would say “That guy is pretty well rounded!” or “That man has no sense of direction.”

Both are true.

I just do things. I ended up doing this because one day while sitting at home all poor and being turned down for even dish washing jobs (because now jobs like to combine things and dish washer is also waiter and helping food prep in the back) when my best friend asked me a simple question one day. “What do you want to do?” I replied “Clean and be left alone.” She then said “Why don't you apply for a janitor job?” I looked at the camera in my TV in my head and made a weird face as the scene faded into a commercial break to comedy music. I enjoy cleaning. I clean every day when I am at home and chances are if I visit you I'm gonna end up cleaning something. I can not relax around a mess and if you have a sink full of dishes or clothes on the floor I feel antsy as shit. I wasn't always this way though. Until I turned 9 I was a funky little dirt bomb.

Dating Advice From Someone In A Relationship That Barely Dated

I was chatting with my cousin this morning about dating after I sent her a funny video. It got me to thinking that I should write a blog post about how to date. I say this as someone with very little dating experience in my 45 years on this planet and zero game when it comes to talking to women. Let me be specific. Women I am attracted to. I will straight up let a woman walk right on past because I don't wanna waste her time. What I mean by that is that there are certain women where even if I find them attractive I feel as if I can not contribute anything to their life. I make this decision in a moment, by the way. But on the other hand 99% of my friends are women so I do have the ability to speak to them like a normal human being which is what most of them seem to enjoy. Not just talking to them because I want to take them to Bonetown, USA. Population: Us. I will try to break this down by men and what they should or shouldn't do and then the same for women. If you follow my instructions worse case scenario you end up with a new friend with no romantic connection that you will have to explain to a future girlfriend. "I assure you we never had sex!" God. I've had that talk more times then you could imagine. This information I use as examples is from listening to the women folk and from my own personal observations.

Kids These Days 85

I was talking to my cousin the other day about oatmeal. This is something old people do. We talk about eating healthier and things from our youth. A food called Undercover Bears that came out around 1990 popped into my head and I remembered my mother buying this and loving it. I hated eating oatmeal for the most part except for apple and cinnamon, so seeing one that had pieces of damn candy floating in it appealed to my diabetic family having ass. 

I know kids got a newer version of this that was dinosaur eggs but I got a bootleg McGruff the Crime Dog in bear form sticking Gummi Bears in oatmeal. It was very weird but made eating this way more enjoyable. They need to start making more foods like this for kids. I know they say there is too much sugar in stuff these days, but, whatever. I grew up eating every cereal as a child and I turned out fine...ish.

Looking at that oatmeal above made me look up this other one called Oatmeal Swirlers. This was some nonsense. In the ads you see them swirling what is pretty much the red syrup I used to get from IHOP on top of some regular oatmeal. They making tic tac toes, art, and covering the whole bowl with swirls. Nope. This barely had as much covering as a packet of ketchup. There was also a sea creature one I didn't try. 

This came out in 88/89 around a time where there was this weird ass health kick going on in this country. Weight Watchers was huge. People were eating rice cakes and pretending they were delicious (they are to me oddly enough). When looking up images and such for some of these things I write about they are usually written by people who weren't even born when it existed or hacked their own version. No. If you didn't have the original ask an old person. Like me.

Click here for previous Kids These Days.

Just Talking With Dante Episode 68

Jasmine is here again! In this random episode we talk about fast food diss tracks, Lyft drivers, I talk about the reality shows I'm watching, Love Languages, men being “manly”, Jasmine's first time riding the Metro, and talk about my berfday. Click here for previous episodes.

Just Talking With Dante Episode 67

“'How'd he die?' 'On top of me.'” - Dante

(Jasmine breaks)

Happy New Year! This was recorded before Christmas! Jasmine is back! In this episode we talk about how the world has not learned any of its lessons, try to figure out what it takes to raise a man to be a ho, bad sex nonsense, discuss our semi Fat Tour, how I would raise a child these days, wondering what would happen if social media went down for a month, and I complain about dudes in porn with dreads.

Click here for previous Just Talking With Dante

The Enabler: "Good Cop" Part 2 Of 3

 

When someone such as Officer Lopez believes strongly in what he is doing, meaning law enforcement, they have a sense of power and control over someone, me for example, when that is as close to a lie as can be. Officer Lopez arrived at my place of business accusing me of murder when every piece of evidence shows that it was indeed an accident. Mentioning the incident with my brother, Maggie, and my mother.

My mother?

That was a bad move. If I were in his position that is information that would have been saved until a trial at the soonest. The fact that he had any information regarding her and could not contain it during our first meeting shows that not only is he not as professional as he believes he is, it also shows that he is excited and emotionally invested. One thing you should never be is emotionally invested in your job. There is no raise for it. This is more than a case for him to attempt to solve. This is a mission. I shall treat it the same. Sadly. For him. I do not take many attacks on me personally be they verbal or physical. But this time I am actively choosing to take it personal.

Just talking With Dante Episode 66

This was recorded in June!!! In this episode I caught up with Jasmine and how life has been in Atlanta so far, catch up on what I've been up to (in June...), the insanity of Universal Studios during a pandemonium, the struggles of actually trying to support Black businesses, a Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole?), IKEA's Juneteenth fail, Subway's tuna sandwiches not having tuna in them, Dear Jasmine segment, and some Random Ass Questions. Click here for previous episodes and apologies for the lateness.

Just Talking With Dante Episode 65

“I mean it sucks and I feel for her.” - Jasmine

“Hahahahaha!” - Dante

“No pun intended.” - Jasmine

Jasmine still here! In this episode Jasmine and I talk about another Fat Tour, a Dear Jasmine article given by Madam L., and some Random Ass Questions for Jasmine, she also tries to teach me how to travel, and we finish up some more donuts to close out the show. Click here for previous episodes.

Just Talking With Dante Episode 64

“Can't no pimple form if you ain't got no moisture to live on.” - Jasmine

“That's sounds like something you tell a zombie to make it happy.” - Dante

Jasmine is back and she is in person! That's right! After a year and a half Jasmine has returned to grace us with her physical ass self. We talk about our Fat Tour, list things we hope stay after Covid is done, things we cared about growing up that proved pointless, a Tik Tok about a woman that finds out her husband super cheated, I go on a tirade about Married At First Sight, and we try some donuts. It was so damn cool to finally be able to be with one of my favorite people again! Click here for previous episodes.

The Seven People You Meet On Dating Shows

I've watched dating reality shows in bits and pieces in the past or read about them. Its one of the types of shows I haven't worked on yet and would talk so much trash if I did. The past few months I've been watching more of them and I've noticed certain people that appear on all of them in some form or another. I decided to make this The Seven People You Meet On Dating Shows. I'm sure there are way more but this is my blog and I wanna focus on the nonsense that sticks out in my head.

The Hunger

This person is so desperate to be in a relationship (“I don't wanna die alone!”) that they will accept anything put in front of them. This person is rarely single and will jump from relationship to relationship without pause. They will beat their friends ears wondering why they have such a hard time finding their true love and attack any actual advice that would put them on the right path. Fuck taking the time to figure out what they actually need in a relationship. These people tend to date the same mistakes over and over again. Guy dates a woman that treats him like shit? Woman with an emotionally abusive guy? That Hunger wants more of that as fast as it can get it! There is no point in trying to stop this person and they usually wont change their behavior until after watching the show and seeing what that shit looks like on screen.

Just Talking Extra: Dating Apps 4

In this episode we discuss a dating app but this time I am not judging and being shown monster men. Click here for previous episodes. 

Just Talking With Dante Episode 63

“People are fucking lucky I'm not more evil. I have every right to be a monster.” - Dante

“Truly!” - Jasmine

In this technical difficulty free episode Jasmine and I discuss Luther Vandross' berfday, an asshole being convicted of murder, weird ass weather, Demi Lovato getting mad at a frozen yogurt shop, and Jasmine asks me some Random Ass Questions. Click here for previous episodes.

Just Talking With Dante Episode 62

“My dick will fly back into my body like measuring tape.” - Dante

“I'm done. I'm done.” - Jasmine

Jasmine here! We power through some audio issues to talk about Verzuz, DMX being in the hospital (recorded before he passed away), celebrities with the most kids, a three-way that got deadly, Cher thinking she a crime stopper, a kid born with tres penis, and Derrick Jaxn cheating on his wife after advising women on how to deal with cheating men. Click here for previous episodes.

Best of Just Talking With Dante/Jasmine Part 6

Got some more best of bits from episodes 49 and 50 of Just Talking With Dante featuring Jasmine. Click here for previous episodes.

Best of Just Talking With Dante/Jasmine Part 5

 

These are some random clips from episodes 31, 45, and 46. I have some some of these best of episodes in the last and always enjoy them. Maybe you will too. Maybe you wont. If you don't maybe you should speak to the manager. The reason why the numbers are all over the place is I picked the ones with Jasmine and because we had audio hiccups getting used to our new format and I didn't wanna include those. Click here for previous Just Talking With Dante