Dante had always said that he would never go to a funeral. With all the people that had died in his family he had said that there was no reason to go. He went to this funeral. His mother actually called and told him so. As if she had to.
The funeral was held the Friday after his brothers death. Dante went to work that day to work a few hours before the funeral began. Even he knew this was odd but he had to feel some sense of normalcy. His coworkers walked around him like zombies, afraid to say anything to him.
“I’m the one going to a funeral” he said to them. “Stop acting weird!”
He went upstairs and put a suit on. His girlfriend came with him and they headed to his mothers house. They had moved in less than a month previously and Dante felt weird there. It was the first house they had moved into that he had not lived in. Everyone showed up and they arrived down the street to the funeral home. It was a place that Dante had seen hundreds of times but never thought he would visit.
Walking into the funeral home was strange to Dante. By instinct he decided to sit in the back as he would in church. Someone told him that family sits in the front. The front? He though. I have to sit right next to the casket?! Dante sat less than ten feet away from a beautiful blue casket with gold trim that was the new home for his brother. He noticed that one of the letters on the casket had fallen off and now said “Kev n Floyd Powers.” It bothered him.
As Dante was handed an obituary he noticed that everyone had written a poem or nice story about his brother. Would have been nice to have been included he thought to himself. He had no idea what the steps were and that he could’ve written something for his brother. He was also not included in the wake, something that bugs him to this day. After everyone was seated the casket was opened. People gasped and many others began crying loudly. Dante didn’t. He had cried enough.
“I barely got to know him!” his mother cried.
Really? Dante thought. You had 32 years to get to know him and you chose not to. You have known me for 22 years and you don’t know me. You don’t know any of us! Is death what it takes to get your attention?!
Dante looked at the body of his brother laying there and listened to his children speak about him. He listened to his friend speak abut him. He wish he had known about all of this. Dante felt alone and left out. At one point someone asked for everyone that had ever received something from Kevin. Everyone raised their hand. That’s how Kevin was.
Dante didn’t have a new view of his brother. That weren’t telling him anything he didn’t already know. He began drawing to be better than Kevin. Kevin got him watching wrestling. Kevin talked to him every week when no one else in his family would call to see how he was doing. Kevin gave Dante money to feed his Slim Jim and comic book obsession by having him iron his clothes. Kevin bought him a drawing board and a box full of supplies. Kevin took him to work once and spent the entire day with him. Kevin was like a father more than a brother. Kevin felt like a relative in a world where nothing did.
After the funeral, which Dante felt was far too short, they headed into a limo. This was Dante’s first time in a limousine and he figured that was weird. Of course it has to be under these conditions of course he thought to himself. They arrived at the Inglewood Cemetery. His mausoleum was not complete so they had to hold his body somewhere else until then. Dante, his brother Luther, his cousin Aziza, and a few of his brother Kevin’s friends he had not seen since he was 9 were there. A large elevator took them downstairs where he held Aziza’s hand. They wheeled the casket to a spot and elevated it and sealed it shut.
“You see all these flies?” his brother Luther said. “They eat dead people an’ shit.”
“You are so nasty” Dante told him. They arrived up top and everyone said their goodbyes. On the way to the car a girl ran up to Dante. She was followed by another one and a man.
“Are you Dante?” she asked.
“Yeah…” he replied hesitantly.
“I’m Consuela!” she shouted. He had not seen her since she was perhaps 7. The other girl was her sister, Vanessa. The man was his uncle Sonny Boy. They hugged and Dante left.
He got back to his mothers home and let the day sink in. His brother was dead. That’s the only thought that could run through his head. Would anything ever be the same again? Would he laugh as much anymore? Would family functions he would go to just to speak to his brother be the same? He had to wait and see. His father got drunk and yelled at by his mother and he was already beginning to see that nothing had changed.
A week or so later a second funeral was held. The mausoleum was complete and they were moving his casket there. A lot of the same people showed up and there were shirts made with Kevin’s face on them. His friend made a joke about the shirts and we all laughed. Dante has two of the shirts but has never worn them.
“He ain’t Tupac” he said.
After the funerals were done Dante was given most of his brothers clothes. And his car. Dante didn’t think he should take everything but his mother and brothers told him that he really should. That he had to. And he did. Even in death his brother was still giving to him.
Dante thinks about his brother daily. A few times following his death after seeing something funny on TV or cool while watching wrestling Dante would pick up the phone and start calling his brothers phone number. Then he’d stop. He’s dead. You cant talk to him.
Dante started laughing again eventually. He knew that he got his sense of humor from his brother and that the last thing he would want for him to become a miserable bastard. He still imagines a world where his brother lives. He wonders why God would take him away while leaving so many others alive. He wonders why a man that touched so many was gone while he still lived. He wonders about a lot. But he doesn’t wonder about how his brother felt about him.
He thinks of Kevin taking him to football games with friends when his other brother refused. He remembers his brother teaching him to drive as a child. He remembers his brother making him laugh during uncomfortable moments. He remembers his brothers goofy laugh. He remembers sharing a bed with his brother and being upset when Kevin’s allergies would make him click his throat and dig in his ear so hard the bed would shake. He remembers his brother taking him to get his haircut. He remembers his brother buying him “The Death of Superman” just like he said he would. He remembers comparing who had the worst job with his brother and winning by mentioning gay sex in the store. He remembers Kevin trying his best to teach his infant son how to call Dante Barney The Dinosaur. He remembers Kevin calling him Homer. He remembers wrestling his brother and never winning. He remembers just always wanting to be around his brother. He remembers his brother.
Kevin Powers died leaving behind his parents, three brothers, a sister, and two children. Dante is 2 years younger right now than when his brother was taken away. Kevin was one of those people that you either loved or hated but even if you hated him you would eventually love him. Its just the way he was. Kevin once told Dante “I’m gonna tell you ‘bout the birds, the bees, the black eyed peas, and gettin’ between a girls knees.” He never did but Dante believes he figured it out.
Well, except for the black eyed peas part.
Kevin F. Powers
Father, brother, son, uncle, newphew, cousin, friend.
1969-2001
I wish that I could hold you now. I wish that I could touch you now. I wish that I could talk to you. Be with you somehow. I know you're in a better place. Even though I can't see your face. I know you're smilin' down at me sayin' everything's okay. - I Wish
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