So I went to my first session of counseling. It went better than I had hoped. I got there on time and waited a couple minutes until she showed up. After that we sat down and started with the introductions.
Now, the thing is that I don’t know how to describe myself. Its pretty much what my profile says about me. I’m not exciting. I’m not loud or anything. I don’t go on adventures. I honestly consider myself dull and am amazed that seeing as how I am indoors at home 6 ½ out of 7 days in the week that I am still able to talk for hours on the phone everyday. So, yeah. Mr. Electricity I’m not.
So during the talk I start talking about my writing and how its easy for me. This is the most easy thing on Earth for me but it’s the most productive mentally and spiritually. She asked if I would ever consider getting paid for it. Yes, I would. But I would also feel bad since its so easy.
Huh?
After saying that I started to realize something. For some reason I feel bad getting paid or congratulated for something that isn’t hard for me. I cant accept compliments for things that come easy. Why is that? What is in my system that made me this way? Growing up I would get told how smart I was. I didn’t care, it was easy. I was told that I was funny. I didn’t care since I wasn’t trying to be. Hell, when someone tells me I am attractive I don’t believe it. That’s not because I think I am. I just have too many voices from childhood and my mother calling me an “ugly little motherfucker.” Maybe one day I will allow myself the simple joy of saying “Thank you!”
So one down and God knows how many to go. It was good and I felt better afterwards. Me and my lady were supposed to go to church after my counseling but they are doing a series of prayer stuff that we weren’t prepared for. We ended up at my place and had our own bible study. No, that’s not some sexual innuendo or anything. We actually studied the bible. It was nice. Thanks for reading this, ya’ll.
Rockets.
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