After drying Milly off by just flying
in circles quickly which she loves I decide that we should head over
to L.A and visit my mom. Hopefully my brothers aren't there. Yeah, I
know I barely ever talk about them and its for a reason. Not just
because they are boring, jealous, haters. I mean, that would be as
good a reason as any but its mostly because they are haters that are
jealous and boring. They haven't even met Milly yet which is
ridiculous. Its not like they don't know the worlds only superhero
had a kid. They are just dicks. My mom tries every few months to get
us all together but it never works out well. Its fine with me either
way. My life is awesome.
I come in high and fast to avoid any
attention which is proof that I am becoming more mature no matter
what Ronica says. I land, remove a loose piece of seaweed from
Milly's shoe, and head inside. I have a key. “Mama love!” I
shout. Milly laughs. My mom comes out of the kitchen and rushes
over...to Milly. She picks her up and hugs her. Milly starts to float
lifting them both off the ground. “I missed you too, mommy.”
“Oh, stop being jealous” she tells
me. “Look at her! She is so cute! Why does she smell like Venice
Beach?”
“Its actually Poipu...”
“Either way she needs to be washed”
she says and heads to the kitchen with Milly. Yeah, they are both
still floating off the ground but my mom somehow knows how to guide
Milly to where she needs her to go. She starts filling up the sink
with water. “You cant have your baby running around smelling like
wet hobo.”
“She's not a dish” I say. “This
place has four bathrooms. Why are you washing her like you're a poor
person?”
“There's a drought” she says.
“I could just bring a big ass chunk
of ice from somewhere...” I tell her. I told the same thing to
state representatives and they started talking about contracts and
bills and I feel asleep and had a dream that I was at Chuck E. Cheese
when I was 4 years old and my brothers found a dead bird and threw it
at me. I just had a break through! “Mommy! I just realized why I'm
afraid of--”
“How is Ronica doing?” she asks me.
Milly is in the sink splashing around and laughing. Every few seconds
mom has to keep her from floating away. “Why didn't you bring her?”
she asks as if Ronica is a dessert I forgot.
“She wanted to be boring and hang
with Zazz and Aimee” I tell her. “They are doing okay. I think
they want to have a kid which I hope isn't true and the sounds I keep
hearing from their room is just them sleeping with nature specials
on. Please let it be nature specials...”
“Who's all clean now?” mom asks
Milly and wraps her in a towel. “Well I for one hope they have a
beautiful child. Mary needs some friends.” Milly looks at mom
confused. “He never calls you Mary, does he?”
“I try not to ever use her
government” I say. “Ronica does when she is mad. She calls me
Walter, too.”
“Are you two having another beautiful
baby soon?” she asks me. Milly blows bubbles at her. “Speaking of
siblings...”
“Worst segue way ever...”
“...your brothers came by earlier.”
“I thought I could smell jealousy and
failure in the air” I say. “You know I don't like Them Boys.”
“'Them Boys' are your brothers,
Wally” my mom says. By the way, she is the only person that can
call me this and not know how cold it is 4,000 feet in the sky
moments later. She hands me a semi-wet Milly who grabs my hair and
tries to eat it. “They don't know how to handle all that comes with
being the brother of, well, you.”
“It'd be awesome if they were as cool
as me” I say.
“But what if one of them had powers
and you didn't?” she asks. I shudder. “Exactly.”
“I tried to be nice to them even when
they beat me up all the time” I remind her. And I did. Even when I
got my powers and they would forget I wouldn't punch a hole through
their bodies.
“You want a cookie?”
“I'd love a cookie!” I say.
“I was being facetious” she says. I
pull Milly away from her.
“Is it contagious?”
“You don't get a medal for not
beating up your brothers” she says. “You know how hard it was to
raise you? Even without your powers I imagine you'd have become some
sort of celebrity and famous around the world.”
“You're just saying that because
you're my mom and if you didn't say things like that I'd stop paying
for your house.”
“This house was paid for before your
second brother was born” she reminds me for the hundredth time. And
its true. My mom won a shit ton of money on some game show years and
invested it. Yeah, my dad took a lot of it when he boned out but she
still had enough and never stopped working. She didn't retire until
about three years ago. “You know I stay paid.”
“Don't talk like that.”
“Its how you kids talk” she says.
“I don't want Mary-Lucille growing up thinking that there's just
you, her mommy, Zazz, Aimee, and me as her only family. Family is
important. Maybe I didn't stress that enough to you growing up and
for that I apologize.” I walk over to mom and hug her. Milly starts
to chew on her hair.
“You did good, mommy” I tell her.
“I haven't tried to take over the world.”
“Yet.”
“I don't wanna take over the world”
I tell her. “Most of it stinks.”
“No it doesn't.”
“It does” I repeat. “Most of the
world smells like feet.”
“What kind of feet?”
“Goat feet.”
“Goat feet? I've never smelled goat feet.”
“You wanna?”
“No.”
“Milly thinks you do.”
“She does not.”
“Milly thinks we should bring you a
goat.”
“Stop lying on your daughter.”
“I think she pooted.”
“You're still lying on your daughter”
she says. “No, wait. You are not. What did you feed her?”
“Hot Pockets.”
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