For years The Power Rangers have been on television in some form or another. I hated this show…for a while. My little sister would lose her mind when it came on and start acting like she knew karate. I’m sure there are thousands of kids that ended up getting their asses kicked thinking that if they hit a bully hard enough that sparks would fly out. Which, by the way, totally does!
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| See?! |
I didn’t become a fan of the show until I started paying attention to the Pink Ranger out of costume because if I thought she was hot in it that would make me gay since there’s a 99.9% chance that a tiny Asian fella was under that helmet. The Power Rangers, while many, aren’t that hard to beat which is why I decided to teach your Black asses how to do it. You ready?! Its morphin’ time!!!
Let’s Fight The Red Ranger
This is Jason, the Red Ranger. He’s the jock of the group. And likely brain damaged in some way or hiding a deep, dark secret. Why do I say that? Because he’s a good looking jock that hangs with a pack of nerds and weirdoes. There is no universe where this dude would hang with the folks he does. Though he’s in shape looking at his face you can tell he’s never been punched. This shouldn’t be hard. That’s what she said!
Solution
One thing you have working for you is the fact that once you start kicking this guys ass he cant hide. His suit is louder than a fart in church. And he’s wearing a helmet. Just jump to the left or right and to him you just don’t exist anymore. At that point its all a matter of how you wanna handle the situation. I suggest you kick him in the dick. He’s pretty much nude and has apparently loss muscle mass. He’s like 80 pounds lighter in weight when he morphs. Dick kick, yank his helmet off, laugh at his tears. Pah! Ya done, son!
Let’s Fight The Yellow Ranger
I don’t even wanna fight this one. First of all, she’s, like, dead. Like for real’s. This chick is no longer amongst the living. As sad as it sounds its far sadder when a hot chick dies. She was in The Crow 2 which was the worst one but, damn, she was the business pants with grey stockings.
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| Inappropriate boner! |
What was I talking about? Yeah. The Yellow Ranger. Really? Making the Asian the yellow one? Surely you can be more creative than that. She looks serious. Like, if you had her in the sack (when she was alive) she would probably break your dick in four. And she probably knows karate. Hey, its not racist! She was the only Ranger that didn’t look nervous when her feet left the ground!
Solution
Sweep the legs! She loves bouncing around the place so take her legs from her and you’re already halfway to sweet, sweet victory. Don’t let her weeping stop you from defeating her. One moment of weakness on your part and the next thing you know, bam! Your pants are around your ankles and having to explain to a doctor how that Sharpie got up your ass. You don’t need that kind of stress in your life.
Let’s Fight The Blue Ranger
Do you really need me to teach you how to take this guy out? It’s the Blue fucking Ranger! He’s the only one that is less dangerous than their robot sidekick Alpha. Billy has two settings: run into danger and get taken out first and hide behind the other Rangers, staying alive long enough to scream for help.
Solution
You know when you come across a dog you don’t know and its staring at you? You’re not sure what its gonna do so you stomp your foot and pretend to take a step forward and it runs away? That. Do that. He’ll run away screaming with his arms in the air until he runs into a wall. He’ll get knocked out at which time you remove his helmet and take pictures of you tea bagging a Power Ranger. Which he’ll enjoy. Because he’s gay. That’s not an insult. He is actually gay. Aren’t you learning a lot today?! Like the fact that I know way too damned much about these people.
Let’s Fight The Black Ranger
Oh, no, the Blacker! I know that when I normally talk about Black people in movies and TV shows they are the hardest to beat. When they are vampires or zombies the Black ones will fight you the hardest and come the closest to beating you. This is the exception. Zack loves…wait. Zack? His name is Zack and he’s Black? Not only is his name Zack and he’s Black he’s the Black Ranger?! What the fuck is going on here?!
Solution
Much like how the Red Ranger loses weight when he morphs, the Black Ranger gets two inches taller and gets an extra finger. This guy only has nine fingers. I’m serious. He makes up for this handicap by being likable. He dances and cracks jokes to make people feel less threatened because he’s the only Black guy in their town. Just report a suspicious nine fingered Black male and let the cops handle it. There cant be more than two of those.
Let’s Fight The Pink Ranger
Mmm. I don’t wanna fight her. This is the only reason I watched this show. There was one episode where she had these tiny shorts on and she fell down and…okay. I’m not the only one that has perved on this woman! There are tons of sites dedicated just to her. We still have to defeat her though. Its my duty to please that booty. Wait. What?
Solution
Call her fat. Girls hate that. She isn’t even close to fat but like most women she will think she can stand to lose at least 20 pounds. Those Ranger outfits leave nothing to the imagination. This chick got ass but when she morphs its all gone away. She’s a sweet chick and being named Amy Jo means that she has some country in her and country girls are nice as all get out and DTF 24/7. I don’t know where I heard that but I believe it. I mean, you don’t pose for pictures like this and not run for fourth base on the first date!
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