Dante Bitches About Maxim Hot 100 2013

Once again Maxim has released their Hot 100 list. And of course I disagree with this nonsense. Now before I rage I know that this list is a joke. It has to be. These people slap together this list a day or two before it is set to be published and we’re supposed to take it seriously. It’s a joke. Ha. Funny list this is. As I look at a lot of the names on here it is a pedophiles wet dream. When did looking like a woman go out of style? Where's there some meeting that I missed? Because I didn't get the memo!

Who are you?!

Number 100 is some dame I've never heard of and have no desire to look up name Dessie Mitcheson. I have no idea who she is or what she does. Usually even if I don't know exactly who someone is I'll know whether they song or act or is known for fucking someone just a tad bit more popular than they are. This chick? No idea. And as if this list isn't goofy enough they added the non existent girlfriend of that college football player.

Yeah...

At number 49, meaning halfway down the list, is Sofia Vergara. There is no world where this woman is that low on a list except a List Of Women Dante Will Never Get To Meet. Seriously, this list is making itself look worse as this goes on. This woman won Fap Of The Year for 2012 and the way this year is going she'll probably win again.

Beyonce is number 14 and even though I'm not a fan of her music whatsoever she is pretty damned hot. See, 14 isn't terrible but when you know who is in the top 10 it makes this list even more stutarded.

Please get that mike from her.

Then there's Kate Upton at number 8. Now, I have mentioned before that blue eyes and blond hair does not do it for me often. You have to be a magical ass White woman to have that combination and me think you're hot. Upton is that combination. Its not just her body because she doesn't have the bionic legs that I am into. She just seems like a nice person.

Aww...

Now let me throw some names from the top 10 out there for you. There's Elisha Cuthbert from 24 who I didn't even know people still remembered. Rihanna, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Vanessa Hudgens, Mila Kunis, Jennifer Lawrence just to upset me even more, 11 year old looking Selena Gomez, and coming in at number 1 is Miley Cyrus.

Christ, she is pointy!

Yeah. I don't know who voted on this list. I assume they sent it to some institution for the blind. Yeah, that has to be it. Because no man that loves the way a woman looks will sit there and vote for Hannah Montana as the sexiest woman out of women like Christina Hendricks, Scarlett Johansson, or Eva Mendes. Maxim, you are fucked up for this list.

Here's your new number one, Maxim! Dicks.

There is no planet where she is hotter than any of them. Or talented! Let's go there! She cant sing. Her acting is ass. And she looks like she cut her hair using a coat hanger. Even her fiance was like “Fuck this shit!” and took off into the arms of home-wrecking ass January Jones. No, she isn't on this list either. I wont even complain about this list next year. This is it for me.

I think.

Click for Dante Bitching about Esquire, Cosmo, People, Maxim from last year.