“Okay—we get it. No matter how much you love your guy, there are always going to be things about him that drive you nuts. But trying to, uh, tweak him can get tricky. Enter the guys at ModernMan.com—they swear these subtle moves will fix his issues.”
Ugh…
He Has A Crappy Haircut
“Odds are, he doesn't even know it. Buy him a gift certificate to a nice barber shop—the kind that gives shaves, etc. It doesn't need to be super high-end, but chances are he'll get a much better cut there and appreciate the ambiance. Then compliment the hell out of the haircut.”
Yeah, because that’s one thing I have always complained about barbershops. No ambiance. You know how many times a chick has a crappy hairdo but we cant say anything? By we I mean you. I will stay silent but if you ask me I’ll tell you how jacked your ‘do is. If a guy gave a chick a gift certificate to a hair salon she would lose her shit and you’d have to spend the day reassuring her that you still love her.
He Burps And Farts In Front Of You
“You should be completely upfront with him on this one: Tell him that if he's going to treat you like one of his buddies, you're going to sleep with him as often as one of his buddies will. That should shut that habit down really fast.”
It’d be funny if your man banged his buddies all the time. I have had ex’s that farted in front of me. I don’t care but I swear if you do it and try to make with the sexy time anytime soon afterwards I will chase you. You can tell your dude to stop farting and belching and wonder why he doesn’t have you stay over anymore because his intestines are falling right the fuck out because he’s full of poo gas.
He Dresses Like A Hobo
“Every man has that ripped tee he's obsessed with, but if he has a closet full of them, create occasions that will make him dress up a little more (dinner at a nice restaurant, a cocktail party that you host, etc.). Take him shopping beforehand and rave about how hot he looks.”
So instead of just asking your dude to clean up once in a while trick him into dressing better. You shouldn’t have to pull shenanigans to get your guy to dress nice. And telling him he dresses like a hobo is so cunty. “Create occasions”? Shut up, Cosmo.
He's Glued To The TV On Game Day
“If there's something you want to do instead—like, if it's not just a matter of you being annoyed by it—then talk to him and ask what game(s) he actually really needs to watch (there's probably really only one). Compromise from there—you'll watch the game with him if he'll hit up the concert in the park with you, or whatever.”
Is this new? Did he just discover sports and cant stop? If not then you probably knew that this is what he does. Plus, football ends pretty early for most games. There’s still time to do other shit while he gets those few hours away from your nagging ass. And how dare you ask which games he “really needs to watch”? Cosmo wants your man to hate you.
He Leaves His Dishes In The Sink
“Guys like to have purpose. So make a formal division of labor around the house. He does dishes; you do something else. (you can even point out that guys are happier when they do chores…)”
Seriously? If it is that bad then break up with him. I wont even get into how shocked and appalled I was to discover how messy women were as I grew up. And what the fuck does “guys like to have a purpose” mean? “Me man. No do nothing. Give do something to. Me need purpose.” If you’re dating a fucking Cro-Magnon man you’re lucky dirty dishes is all he’s doing. He could be shitting in your closet to keep his scent from bears.
He Gives You Beard Burn
“Tell him that while you respect his right to scruff, it scratches, it itches, it reminds you of your dad, etc. Tell him it's not him, it's his beard, so he won't be hurt.”
Maybe you need to shave! My facial hair changes all the time. If some dame told me it reminded her of her dad I would go to a dark place the next time we boned. “Does this remind you of your dad?!” Yes. I so went there.
He Forgets Important Occasions
“Yeah, it sucks, but if you know he's forgetful, you have to remind him of a big date like an anniversary beforehand. As long as you're not testy about it, he'll be grateful you did.”
This one has bitten me on the ass. But on the flip side I never got credit for the random shit I did remember! “Its our five month anniversary! Why didn’t you get me a card?!” How can this be brought up in a non-testy way? You say “Guess what next week is?” and he’ll think “Aw, fuck. What am I gonna get shit for next week?” Stop trying to be cute. Just say you wanna do something for your six week anniversary and save yourself some nonsense.
He Insists On Playing DJ In The Car
“Make a rule: Whoever drives and/or pays for gas gets to control the radio most of the time.”
Does his choice in music suck? Did it suck when you started dating? If the answer is yes to either of these then shut it. And I dare you to say something about who pays for gas. Go ahead. Try it. Remember what happened with Chris Brown and Rihanna? That started over gas prices. I think.
He's Vague About Things
“If your man is wishy-washy on when he'll call (‘later‘) or when he'll be over (‘sometime tonight‘), don't wait around for him. Schedule your own things and if they conflict with ‘later’ gently tell him you weren't sure when you'd see him, so you made your own plans. He'll figure it out.”
This is another one that was probably happening before you two became officially together. And you can play games where instead of getting definite times from him and make other plans. I suggest you do that because you’ll have more free time after he dumps your ass. Maybe you decided to date flaky ass guys. If he says he is coming over “sometime tonight” it means when he is done fucking his other girl that doesn’t get mad about his scheduling skills.
He’s A Bad Gift-Giver
“Just like remembering occasions, you have to be explicit. Let him know what you want. You don't have to say ‘Buy me this!’ but you also can't leave a catalogue open with a photo of that thing you want, because he won't get the hint. Talk about it or bring it up offhandedly.”
Maybe you’re a bad gift receiver! If I go to your house and you have a catalogue open with a circle around what you want, I’ll probably leave immediately. I’ll get you what I think you need. Like a new boyfriend because you are far too difficult to please. Guys are always being portrayed as buffoons with bad gift giving skills. What do you want? Is it something he can buy without knowing a size? Is it expensive as shit? I say give her a gift certificate to Fantastic Sam’s.
3 comments:
This cracked me up. Allow me to point out that this advice came from men! I've never read a Cosmo before, mainly because the cover stories always seem so frantic. Chill, ladies.
I don't believe for a damned second that men helped with this nonsense! I'm gonna post some more that are from women and it will piss you off.
Heehee!
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