Dante Vs. Nature 37

In Arizona there are packs of wild ass chihuahuas taking the place and holding it hostage! They say its because the dogs aren't spayed or neutered so they just run around having crazy chihuahua sex and the next thing you know its not safe to take the trash out without being attacked by a bunch of yapping ass dogs that offer no protection from actual dangerous animals.

"What you say 'bout my mama...?"

“We compared the number of calls we got in 2013 from that area to similar areas in town and the calls from Maryvale were three times higher than surrounding areas. Part of it is these animals aren’t spayed or neutered, so they’re out looking for a mate and are having babies, which also contributes to the problem. If at all possible, if you see a stray, if you can safely contain him in your yard and then call us, that makes a big difference” Melissa Gable of Maricopa County Animal Care and Control said.

Shit Just Got Real 16

Guys are seen as these beasts that think about sex all the time and will never turn it down. Let me break this to you ladies: this is only 97% true. If you are trying to fuck a guy and he doesn't want to there's a very good reason why and you should step back a moment and say to yourself “Perhaps now is not the right time for the sexy time...” Or lose your shit and trash the place and get arrested naked like Arizona chick Ashley Marie Prenovost.

Ashley who lives with the father of her four month old daughter because it wouldn't be a ridiculous ass situation unless a child was involved was already hammered when she came home and tried making the moves on her man. He declined and she wasn't having that shit. She punched two holes in the wall before punching a framed picture getting blood all over the house.

Then shit got real...er.

Kids These Days 32

This is gonna be one of those posts where you either shake your head in shame at me or just laugh and go “Oh, that Dante!” This 34 year old chick in Arizona named Keri Gonzalez was busted for boning this 15 year old kid whose name has not been released but who I shall refer to as “Champ” for the rest of this post because jealousy. Full disclosure, I know how bad this whole story sounds. Adults having sex with teenagers is a terrible thing. Of course. But...I used to be a 15 year old boy at some point and if a 34 year old woman made a move on me chances are I would've jumped her. Hell, if a 34 year old tried it now I would...

Nope!

So Champ and Keri were bumping uglies when the boy's mother heard “knocking sounds by the stairs on the wall” and went to check on her kid around 2 in the morning. If you are having sex at that time of the morning its either an awesome surprise, sloppy and drunk, or a police report waiting to happen. The mother tried to open the door and it was locked. When Champ finally opened the door, lord knows why he did that!, mom saw Keri crouched in the corner butt booty ass naked. Keri decided to bail when mom started shouting and ended up breaking her ankle jumping from the window.

Kids These Days 31

There was this comedian Red Grant that said something a few years back that always stuck with me. He said when fucking around with young girls to have a flag and a whistle so when they start doing that “...wild shit blow your whistle and throw that flag. Personal foul. Unnecessary roughness on the ride.” Nasty ass dudes think its fine to mess around with these young girls, but its not. They are starting off at level 9 out of 10 shit when the fact is when I was growing up seeing a girls belly button was considered an 8. Jason Ash learned this the hard way when his ass got killed having sex with 16 year old Jessica Burlew.

"Hi."

In Arizona which is the craziest state after Florida, Ohio, and Texas this chick was fucking her 43 year old boyfriend when shit got heavy and she ended up killing him. This all took place at the girl's mom's house by the way. Oh, don't worry. This is gonna get way more ridiculous. Before I continue let me say that I feel absolutely no sympathy for this guy. If you are in your 40's and messing with a teenager you are a big loser or a time traveler from the 1800's where this shit seemed okay to do.