Rosscast Episode 284: Viva Las Vegas

In this episode (with funky audio at the start) I talk about my trip to Vegas, hot ass weather, my Greyhound experience, We Going To Hell featuring bikes and batin’, Shit Just Got Real with a burglar getting more than he planned for, Dude What The Fuck? with a peeping tom in poop, and Only In Florida with a hidden camera and a stepdaughter. Click here to download this and previous Rosscast Shows. Enjoy!

"HENCH" Preview

Dennis stood on the rooftop of the Heartville Tower staring down. Eighty floors. He did this once a month trying to imagine what it must have been like for his father to plummet to his death eleven years ago as millions around the world cheered. His father, Scott Black, was one of the four finally killed by a tactical team created specifically to take his father’s boss down. Tactical Reinforcement And Protection, or TRAP, they were called. His three friends fathers were all killed that day as well. They never returned to the place their fathers died.

“This isn’t healthy, DB” James “Jimbo” Weatherspoon told Dennis as he walked closer to the edge of the building. “You cant keep doing this to yourself.” James placed his hand on Dennis’ shoulder which was quickly slapped away. “Dick.”

“I know where they live” Dennis said, laughing to himself. Everyone knew who “they” were. “It’d be so easy to just go to their houses and--”

“Die just like our fathers” Doc said. No one knew the rest of his name or ever bothered to find out. Even in school the staff referred to him as Doc. “It might not seem like it but I do like this whole living bullshit. I’m not in a rush to stop.” Doc walked behind Dennis and shoved him sharply towards the edge. Dennis jumped back, fists up ready for a fight. “You’re not ready to die either.” Dennis took a step towards Doc an inch away from his face. “So stop acting like you are.”

“They murdered our fathers” Dennis hissed at Doc.

“What are you doing up here?!” someone shouted. They all spun around and a security guard stood with his hand on his hand on the barrel of a pistol. “Let me see some hands in the air!”

“We aren’t looking for any trouble, sir” Richard “Big Rich” Keller said while raising his hands. “We were just checking out the view. Its pretty amazing, isn’t it?” Richard took a step towards the guard.

“Stay where you are!” the guard shouted. Richard took two more forward as the guard removed his gun and aimed it at Richard’s head.

“Rich, stop moving” James said. He knew Richard’s reputation. He knew that Richard had spent most of his childhood in juvenile detention centers and was not afraid to go to prison. “Like he said, sir, we were just admiring the view. We’ll leave--” Suddenly the guards face disappeared in a cloud of pink mist. Everyone spun to see Dennis holding a Kel Tec 380.

“That felt good” Dennis said as he smiled.

Shit Just Got Real 3

There are a few things that I don't fuck around with. Sexy thighs, dirt people, food, comedy, and of course...zombies. Now, I'm not gonna hurt anyone over these things. I'll strongly disagree at the most. But this dude named Jared Gurman is on some whole 'nother level shit that makes me question the strength of my convictions. This is because this Williston Park (New York) mofo shot his girlfriend, Jessica Gelderman, in the back with a shotgun over a disagreement about the series The Walking Dead. 

“Jess walked into the room and I fired the gun once and hit her. She said, 'Oh my God. What did you do?'” Gurman told police. Using a .22 semiautomatic rifle he jacked up a lung, her diaphragm, and shattered her ribs because this is America and that is a logical response to a disagreement over a TV show. He drove her to a hospital and was arrested. She's still in there with a bullet in her body.

Rosscast Episode 283: I Make Kool Aid For My Family

In this episode I discuss my day, seeing some movies, a Dude What the Fuck? with a guy stealing penis enhancement pills, Only In Florida with a mean beating his dad over Kool-Aid, and a Bitches Be Crazy featuring Paula Deen. Oh, and Fabion attempts to debut his hit song. Click here for this and previous Rosscast Shows. Enjoy!

Shit Just Got Real 2

Let me preface this by saying that I am a dick but I don’t consider myself a hypocrite. When I first saw this story I couldn’t climb as high on my horse as I usually would because I used to do, though not to this extent, what the kid in this story did. I used to wrestle my sister and my older brother wrestled with me when I was little. My sister didn’t get the high impact moves like I did (Spinebuster, DDT). She got mainly submission moves from me (Texas Cloverleaf, Sharpshooter, Rings Of Saturn). In my defense a lot of it happened in front of my parents. Either way it was stupid. Now to get started with this post.

A 13 year old boy named Devalon Armstrong is accused of killing his half sister named Viloude Louis using what he described as and what the media is describing as “WWE style wrestling moves.” Apparently he jumped on her back using elbow drops onto her kidneys. She complained about stomach pains, for god knows how long, and half an hour later her found her on the floor in pain. By the time paramedics arrived she was already dead.

According to coroner reports she died from broken ribs, internal bleeding, and liver lacerations. Devalon told the police that he knew that he was hurting his sister because she told him so but continued for a few more minutes before stopping just because his mother called to check on them. He has been charged with 2nd degree murder.

Kids These Days 20

SH sent me this story earlier today and I sighed so loudly that I'm sure it sounded like Bigfoot was climaxing. A mother up in Canada named Anne Belanger was upset that her son, Miles, with spinal muscular dystrophy was seated away from the rest of his class when they took their second grade photo.

His mother is quoted as saying "Look at the angle that he was in. He wants to be part of the gang so much." Now, this is something that cant be helped. He's in a wheelchair. Not a normal ass one where folks can breakdance in if they are inclined to do so. But one of those giant motorized ones that crush feet.

This Is My Victory Bear! Part Deux

Once again I had to prove my champion status by winning a bear out of a machine. Years ago I got one from a local Toys R Us despite Camille thinking that I was wasting my money (click here to read it). She still has Angry Bear in her car and I hope that every time she sees it she is all like "My friend Dante is a champion of champions!" Yesterday was spent driving around shopping, laughing, more shopping, and eventually eating some awesome food which I will post on Fill Your Food Hole later. At this car wash they had one of the machines where you can play for fifty cents. I saw two possible choices I wanted. Once again Camille doubted my mad claw using skills and I had to prove her wrong. Yes, it took a dollar but I did it. I'm sure that the cashier was wondering what the hell was wrong with me as well as the guys waiting for their cars to be finished cleaning. I tried again later and could not get another bear but I now am 2-0 for winning bears.

Story Behind The Photo 19

Back when I was about 16 years old me and my girlfriend at the time decided to go get pictures taken. You wouldn't think it from as many pictures as I take now but back then I hated taking pictures. I would avoid picture day. There are no high school photos of me and I made sure I was never in the yearbook. I didn't even buy a yearbook so against the memory of school I was. One day she asked if we could go to this spot in the Beverly Connection. I was like, okay, and put on one of my new shirts. This one was a light money green and as you can see I was swimming in it. At this time I was about 150 pounds soaking wet. I look like a strong wind could carry my ass away.

We get there and I think its gonna be a photographer there or something. Nope. Its just a room and you press a button and pose and then the picture is taken. We took a few and I am glad that I saved this one just so I can admire how fucking manly I look now. You stop laughing back there!

Shit Just Got Real 1

About a month ago the people at the BART 16th Street Mission Station in San Francisco experienced my worst nightmare come to life when a man who has now been identified as 24 year old  Yeiner Garizabalo aka Yeiner Perez decided that clothing and social standards were for squares and decided to chase folks around while being butt booty ass naked. For any sensitive people out there that want to read up on all the facts and possibly hear about any mental conditions he may be suffering from you should probably stop reading right now. You are obviously new to this blog and think that I do things like sitting around gathering facts and statistics to back up my statements. Ha! Facts are for losers. I prefer snap judgment and mine says fuck this.

There are times in your life when shit gets real. Usually there is a buildup. Someone is arguing and it escalates to the point a knife was pulled. Two people get into a car accident and the next thing you know fists are being thrown. With a dude just showing up unannounced and naked there's no prep for that. Hell, most self defense classes teach you to grab clothing to flip and/or subdue someone. How about a naked guy? You gonna flip him by his dick? Maybe. You want to? No.

Parents Failing Hard 5

We're alive. I know. Shocking, isn't it? As a child raised in the 80's in a world where for a quarter we could buy gun powder wrapped in paper and toss them at each other, toys where the second ingredient was lead, and train tracks were the third highest killer of children we managed to make it this far...and then fuck it all up for these beasts that we call children today. And you know what's to blame? No, not technology. At least not specifically. Its digital cameras.

Back when I was little you had these things called Polaroids. You take a terrible picture, shake it, and then save it as a treasured memory because you only had about ten per pack. Now with digital cameras parents are free to take as many pictures of their beloved child as they want. Or they can hand the camera to them as they pose in sexually suggestive positions. Sounds terrible, right?! Well buckle up your seat belt, Mary, because this shit is only gonna get worse from here.

Rosscast Episode 282: Sit Yo Pregnant Ass Down

In this episode I do an Only In Florida with a fight between an old lady and a pregnant woman, Kids These Days featuring spoiled ass kids on a plane, Shit Just Got Real with a kid stopping an intruder with a gun, and Listener Questions about my fridge and whether I would have sex with a woman having her breasts removed. Click here to download this and previous Rosscast Shows. Enjoy!

Five Things I Learned Riding The Bus

I ride the bus every single day. As old as I am I still don’t drive but I know that eventually I’ll have to because I plan on having a more adult life that doesn’t involve waking up eating sugary cereal and drinking coffee while listening to podcasts and farting around in my robe. Which rules. If you don’t do all of what I said at least once a week then you ain’t living. But yeah. One day I will have to get a car and stop riding the bus.

The bus is like its own personal world. Or hell. Yeah, let’s go with hell. You will meet people you never wanted to, talk to people you have no interest in talking to, and smelling things that come from a human being that you never knew was possible. But despite all this including the fact that you’ll discover that bums have a taste in this Five Things I Learned Riding The Bus riding the bus is still cheaper than owning a car.

Story Behind The Photo 18

The other day was my late brother Kevin's birthday. I've written quite a but about him because fuck you I loved him and he was cool. This is a picture I took today of these shirts that were made after he died. Even till this day I have not worn it and I have two. Not sure how I got two but there you go. They look weird. Its just his head floating in the ether with the year he was born and died there. It always seemed so depressing to me. When I die I want people to wear a shirt with me looking all spry and jumping in the air or something. Not just my head. Someone needs to let my mother know this so I don't end up an even more vengeful spirit.

I have never been huge into ceremony. Having to do all kinds of salutes and wait turns and such has never appealed to me. My brother's funeral was the first one I've ever been to and we ended up having two of them because the mausoleum he was being placed in wasn't finished being built. So the next image is from funeral part two.

Rosscast Episode 282: Damn Pop Tarts

In this episode I talk about my weekend, pork chops, Only In Florida involving, surprise!, a woman attacking her man, Bad Parent Of The Week with cops and Pop Tarts, and Shit Just Got Real with a naked girl, nature, and hiking. Audio issues at the end makes it sound kinda crumbly so sorry for that. Click here for this and previous Rosscast Shows. Enjoy!

Sonic The Hedgehog Is Felix The Cat

When I was little and we'd go and pick my mother up from work we would go past this Chevrolet dealership that had this giant Felix the Cat as their pitchman. Not really sure why. Its not like when I think of cars I picture a crazy ass cat that has a purse that he can pull anything out of. I wasn't a huge fan or anything but I liked seeing it whenever we drove by.