"Royce" Part 4

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"Why did you do this, Royce?" Anne asked while holding up a sheet of paper. Royce just sat and stared at his coffee. Royce had signed up for the Army without anyone knowing. "Do you even care about that silly war?"

"Of course he doesn't!" Albany shouted. "He just wants to not work. You are not even old enough for the military, you fool. You're only 15, for God's sake!"

It is known that many people have lied to fight during wars. With Royce's size and demeanor the government did not care whether or not he was old enough. He looked like a soldier. At the age of 15 he was already 6'2" and 245lbs. He participated in no sports but had the build of a football player and the speed of a sprinter.

"Royce, we can find a way to get you out of this! You read the papers, don't you?" Anne asked.

"I do not think the fool can read", said Albany. "I have never seen him touch a book. I doubt he even knows where Japan is. I say let him go. Let him go and come back with an arm or leg missing like the rest of these fools. Will that make you happy, baby brother?"

"Royce" Part 3

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"You are getting fat, Anne-Marie" Albany said. He sat with Royce on the side of the booth that faced the window. Since coming into power Albany became increasingly paranoid. "You should do something about that."

"I don't care about my weight", she said.

"Obviously" he replied.

"And stop calling me 'Anne-Marie.' 'Anne' will do just fine" she said as she shoveled a mouthful of pasta down her throat.

"Disgusting" Albany muttered to himself. "You can at least pretend you were not raised by wolves. Use a napkin. Royce, could you hand me a fork?" Royce did not even look towards his older brother. He was staring at his coffee. 

Anne always ordered it for him the same way every time: black, no sugar, and no cream. Anne stared at Royce and smiled. She wondered what went through his head during times like this. When they were "working" Royce was as easy to read as a comic strip. But at times like this he was as hard to read as Braille.

"Royce" Part 2

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"Leave him alone!" Anne-Marie shouted at a group of children surrounding Albany. Once again they were the new kids. Twice a year their father would pack all of their belongings and let them know that they were moving. There was never time to make new friends. 

But there always seemed to be plenty to make new enemies.

"What are you gonna do, girly-girl? Scratch us?" one of them laughed.

"Yes" she said as she charged the boy. She swiped at him and he screamed. He covered his face and stumbled backwards until he landed on his back. The boys ran away from Albany and went to their friend.

"I'm gonna kick your butt!" he said. He lifted his hands away from his face and three long scars cut a jagged pattern across his eyes. "You are dead!" he said as he ran towards her. Suddenly he stopped dead in his tracks. Anne-Marie turned around and saw her baby brother Royce standing on the porch rubbing his eyes.

"Go back inside" Anne-Marie told Royce. He just stared at her and headed towards to boys. Even at the age of 7 he had a look that would make the Devil think twice. The boys started to run away and Royce gave chase.

"Royce" Part 1

"Date: March 4th, 1930. Time of death 2:35am" the doctor said as they draped the body of the newborn child. Mrs. Ann Danish died during the birth of what was to be her third child. The oldest son, age 9, Albany, sat in the waiting room with his sister Anne-Marie. She was 7 years old but wise far beyond her years. Their father Castor Danish called her his "Old Lady." 

When he entered the waiting room the children rose quickly to their feet. Not to hear whether or not the child was indeed a boy as Albany hoped it'd be or a girl as Anne-Marie prayed, but because that was what they were taught to do. Whenever someone with great respect entered a room you stood and made direct eye contact.

But this time their father could not meet the stare. 

Castor walked past his children and into the night. Anne-Marie looked at Albany, whose golden blond hair curled at his shoulders in the same way as his mothers, shrugged. They watched as their father walked outside and fell to his knees. Albany began to run towards him but Anne-Marie grabbed his shoulder.

Gone, Granny, Gone

This is what happens when you have young grandmothers. 53 year old Stacey Shannon of Pittsburgh decided that she knew a great way of babysitting that involves no hassle. It's called child abandonment. Her daughter dropped a one year old baby off with Stacey (9 out of 10 women with that name are terrible humans) around 8am. More than half of the day later she couldn't get in touch with her mother so she called the police. They went to the house and couldn't get in so they called the other daughter that has a key. They go inside and find the baby with soda and some pizza asleep on the couch. A little after 1am Stacey comes walking in like “What the problem is?” She told police she had been out boozing and lost track of time. That's some good alcohol. She faces a charge of endangering the welfare of a child and the baby was returned to its mother. Whenever I hear stories about this I always think about the holidays and how shitty they will be because someone did something so stupid. But I can bet you that this woman got mad that her family got the police involved and is taking no responsibility for leaving a baby alone all day. This is a one year old human. One year old anything else can survive at that age. Not us though. 

17 Hours Of Wood

Oh, this poor bastard. 23 year old Jason Garnett of the United Kingdom ended up with a wang that wouldn't go away for 17 damned hours. He says that when it first happened he wasn't too concerned. I've had some last for hours at a time but it was usually being put to use if you smell what I'm cooking. So with a boner he headed to work at a hotel where I hope he doesn't have to tuck his shirt in because that is just an awkward situation for everyone. Later in the day he realized that it still hadn't gone down which makes me wonder how in the hell he was able to pee. Ladies, it is very difficult to use the bathroom with a boner. Not impossible. Just difficult. He ended up telling his roommate about his situation later on. I'm not close to anyone in my life to ever help out if they came to me with this problem. I have brothers whose feet I won't even look at let alone their penises. You tell me that something is wrong with your junk that is just your damned problem. Go consult a physician. You drop trough in front of me you'll end up with a whole new issue!

“You should have seen the look on his face when I told him what was wrong. He was in hysterics at first, but then he realized how serious the situation was” he said. He ended up going to the doctor and then the real nightmare began.

Kids These Days 44

I try not to be a spoiled bitch but it is hard. Some of the things that young folk never had to deal with creep into my head and it checks me. It reminds me of a simpler time when things weren't so convenient. A time where you had to have patience. Hell, a time when your parents were feared! Remember those days? Back when your parents weren't sad old people trying to be your friend, but forces of nature that you sacrificed to in vain attempts to appease them lest you face their wrath?

Oh, the wrath!

But kids today don't worry about things like that. One press of a button and they can record, film, and dial 911 on their parents. I think that's why some parents today skip right past punishments and straight to murder or buy them hoodies and let them hang out after dark. Let society punish them since they can't. I know the rules.

A Trucker, School Bus, And A Naked Woman

A truck driver in Florida rear ended a school bus with fifteen children was stopped earlier that same day by police. “The truck had apparently run off the road completely once. Something was totally distracting him” an officer said. Yeah. Something like a naked ass woman! When ambulances and police arrived there was a bruised naked woman in the drivers truck. Two children were seriously hurt but released later that night. It seems that the bus was stopped and getting set to release some children when the driver noticed a big ass log truck flying down the road and not even attempting to slow down. The bus driver gunned it to soften to impact which helped and not something I would think to do. My reaction is to stand in the road until the truck got close enough and then kick through the windshield. The impact pushed the bus almost 100 yards before stopping. There is no information stating whether or not the trucker was arrested but I am guessing not because Florida.  

"Nimrod's Son"

A short story from 2008. There are some things better left unsaid. There are some stones better left unturned. Some secrets better left unknown. Cute sayings and quotes for very horrible things. As I sit tied to this chair with blood running into my eye I can only wish I had left that stone unturned.  Ten minutes ago she was my mother. A woman I had loved my entire life. A woman I had defended in many fights on the schoolyard. Now I don't even know who the hell she is. Actually, that's not true. Trying to find out who she is got me into this situation. This morning I was awoken by the sound of pounding at my door. Having no peephole I had to depend on being able to recognize who was on the other side of the door by their voice. All I could hear was groaning. Curiosity outweighed my concern for bodily harm and I opened it. An old guy fell on the floor and gasped for air. I helped him to my couch and ran to grab a glass of water. When I returned he was gone. I went to the door to find him but he was already running down the stairs. I went back to my apartment and closed the door. I noticed a note on the couch and read it.

Kids These Days 43

A 17 year old boy named Steven Miles of Oxted, Surrey which is somewhere in London or some junk thought that he was Dexter from the series and decided to chop up his girlfriend, Elizabeth Thomas who was 16. You know, I'm a huge fan of Batman, have been since I was a kid but I'd never take my parents to a play of Zorro hoping that they get killed and I become the Dark Knight...anymore. Steven stabbed her a bunch of times in the back and head before cutting her up, sealed her in plastic wrapping like in the show, and wrapping her in a plastic gardening sheet.

Steven has been diagnosed as being autistic and that his alter ego named Ed told him to do it. Ed sounds like a dick. After killing Elizabeth he told his sister “Ed made me do something bad.” During trial it was said that Steven had a fascination with horror movies and dark shit and wanted to copy Dexter.

Psychos Waste Food

I heard about this story a few days ago and was happy when I heard tha they caught this chicken wasting son of a bitch. 18 year old Gabriel Quintero and three other idiots aged 15 – 17 were booked on felony animal cruelty and burglary after breaking into a Foster Farms ranch, yes that Foster Farms, in Caruthers, CA and killing almost 1,000 chickens. That is a shit ton amount of chicken. That's like 2,000 drumsticks gone to waste. The police were able to find evidence that led to these arrests.

“Once they were inside...used a golf club, we believe, (or) possibly some other type of instrument, to maliciously kill several hundred chickens” Deputy Chris Curtice with the Fresno County Sheriff's Department said. Foster Farms as well as animal rights groups put up reward money to catch whoever had done this. Who knows what these assholes will get charged with but whatever it is I hope it involves getting hit with golf clubs. I'm not even huge into animal rights. I just hate food being wasted. Might I add that this 18 year old looks about 45.

Teachers Share Student

I'm not even gonna try and defend myself this time. In these posts I have done where these hot ass teachers are having sex with students I try to point out that I understand that it is wrong for them to be doing it. Not this time. This time I'm just pissed off. By the way, two friends sent me stories about this knowing how I'd react. You enable me.

Full disclosure. Mad jealous of teenagers these days. Not because of technology or the fact that their playgrounds are safer than anything I was allowed to straddle as a youth. But because their teachers are hotter. I mean, you take the hottest teacher I had and she can't hold a candle to these teachers that are fucking teenage boys nowadays. Two teachers from Destrehan High School which is in Louisiana have been arrested after making the sex with a 16 year old student. First up is 24 year old Rachel Respess who turned herself over to police. I mean she is just as cute as a button.

She was booked on one count of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, one count of carnal knowledge of a student, and one count of indecent behavior. She was the second teacher to admit to boning this one student.

Good Old Fashioned Racism

Tom & Jerry cartoons are now available on Amazon Prime and iTunes and they come with a disclaimer because these were made in the 1940's and back then Black people were pretty much human speed bumps. “Tom and Jerry shorts may depict some ethnic and racial prejudices that were once commonplace in American society. Such depictions were wrong then and are wrong today.”

They had to do this one other time when these came out on DVD and had Whoopi Goldberg do the disclaimer because she is Black and if it is cool with her it should be cool with everyone else. Particularly since she laughed when her then boyfriend Ted Danson did Black-face.

Cuddlr App aka Friendzone App

There is this new app for iPhone's called Cuddlr. It is GPS based like those others apps that let you hookup and bone people. With this you go there and it shows how close you are to someone else who wants to cuddle and you can even read reviews about their cuddling skills as well as a picture of them. You are allowed to even report the person if their cuddle game is bad or too sexual. I already know which end of the spectrum I'd fall on. There is an age limit of 17 which seems way too young to be using this. Hell, even 18 is pushing it.

You know as well as I do that cuddling can easily turn sexual. If I can cuddle with a woman and have it not turn sexual that means that I am 100% sure that there is no chemistry between us and my wang won't even waste its time asking for attention. The site says that they have safety measures. Hopefully a 911 app because you know someone is gonna get carried away.

“We ban anyone who is consistently using it improperly. We don't share your location until you've indicated that you do actually want to cuddle this person, and you can block anyone if you don't want them to even see you on the app.” Yeah, but this is all after the fact. I wonder how hard it is to turn a bad cuddler down. Do you just get up and leave? Scoot away from them? Who picks the position? What if you want to be the little spoon and they do as well? So many questions!  

This Shirt Is Not The Problem

Here we go. Late last night I saw a post condemning Wal-Mart for selling a shirt that has the phrase “Training To Be Batman's Wife” on it. Don't bother trying to order it because it is sold out for being awesome. Some are saying it is sending the message that it is okay for women to be okay with living a life that leads to being the wife of Batman as if that goal is enough. You know what? It is! I know that I'm not good enough to be Batman's wife and I'm an old, straight Black dude. But DC Comics felt the need to respond to people who like being upset with the following. Read it in the voice of Droopy. Its funnier.

“DC Comics is home to many of the greatest male and female Super Heroes in the world. All our fans are incredibly important to us, and we understand that the messages on certain T-shirts are offensive. We agree. Our company is committed to empowering boys and girls, men and women, through our characters and stories. Accordingly, we are taking a look at our licensing and product design process to ensure that all our consumer products reflect our core values and philosophy.”

If this was true then the comic book industry would be far different than it is right now. Comic books get away with a lot of sexist shit and then after taking it on the chin they will throw a gay character out there, make a normally White one Black, or just straight up turn a man into a woman. I'm all about women feeling powerful (click here) but this is just misguided rage over a shirt that I want. I know that being a woman (click here) is different than it used to be as well as being a man (click here). The lines between the two are blurred until pants drop and even then it is still questionable.