Rosscast Episode 268: Bitches Be Crazy

In this episode I talk about how I spent my holidays including ice skating, a Bitches Be Crazy featuring a woman demanding sex at knife point, and two Only In Florida stories featuring…um, more women getting mad after sex and attacking men. Click here to download this and previous Rosscast Shows. Enjoy!

"Teenage Dirtbag" Part 5

Part 1

Part 2 

Part 3 

Part 4 

Camaro was looking out of his bedroom window with the curtains shut at the new neighbors son. From some research online he found out that his name was Antonio E. Bagram, age 16. His parents were from Guatemala and Pakistan. He had no siblings other than a younger sister that had passed away when he was 10 years old. They had previously lived in Virginia, Roswell, and Los Angeles. Antonio has trained in krav maga, judo, and various forms of martial arts.

Just as Antonio was about to enter his home he stopped just short of the entrance, turned, and waved at Camaro’s direction. Camaro threw his curtain open and stared. Antonio shrugged and headed inside, closing the door. Aunt Stacy burst into his bedroom, obviously upset. She sat at the end of her bed for a few moments before letting out a frustrated growl.

“Shit!” she shouted.

“Are you out of cigarettes?” Camaro asked. Stacy looked at Camaro, patted her pocket, and lowered her head again.

“The mission is cancelled” she replied.

You Scared, Bro?: A Study Of Black Folk Dying In Films

The other day I was watching a movie and a Black character in it made it till the end of the film. I was like “Oh, my god. He’s actually gonna make it to the credits!” I didn’t know how to feel. I also spoke too soon because he ended up dying three minutes before the film ended. I mean, come on. As a Black dude ever since I was little I would hear people joke about how Black people always die in movies. It doesn’t matter what type of film it is. They will not make it till the end. God forbid it’s a horror film. Jeez, as soon as anyone of any race sees a Black guy they already know that they wont make it.

Its pretty much a given that Black people, men specifically, will kick the bucket long before anyone else. I started thinking about this and Cam pointed out a few more characters in films that were killed or totally dicked over so I decided to make a quick list of some of them. This isn’t some mission statement from me wanting Black folks to live more often in movies. But…yeah. It kinda is.

Dante Saves You: End Of The World Edition

Last week everyone was prepared for the end of the world. At least some of them thought they were. Gathering gold, guns, and food isn’t the best way to prepare when you think the world is actually gonna end. That’s ridiculous. You think you have enough bullets to take on an asteroid? Do you?! Well, you don’t. Jackass.

I have decided to help you survive all forms of end of the world scenarios in this End Of The World Edition! Though many thought that the Mayans predicted the end of the world they were never really specific about it. I, on the other hand, am very specific when it comes to nonsense like this. So let me try and tell all you sumbitches how to survive!

Kids These Days 12

Oh, kids! They’re so funny today what with their giving themselves chemical burns for fun, doing drugs that drive them temporarily insane until they smash their faces into the ground, and breastfeeding. Wait. What?! Yes, that is a thing. Allow mw to introduce/horrify you with the Breastmilk Baby Doll! I don’t know about you, but I have always been concerned with the fact that little girls weren’t learning to breastfeed early enough.

I...I cant.

You should see this creepy thing in action. I say keep it away from teen boys because they will be using it for all the wrong reasons. Oh, shut up! You know you were thinking it, too! Anyhoot, some company in Spain, surprisingly not Germany, decided that little girls needed to know what it was like to have their fun bags suckled.

Dante On Ice

Me and Ikuko went to ice skate in Downtown Los Angeles. If I thought skating was hard ice skating is its evil sister! I managed to not fall, eventually skate on my own without hugging the railing, and not kill myself or others!

Rosscast Episode 267: She Came From Ireland

In this episode I talk about my week so far, Christmas bitching, a Dude What The Fuck? featuring a man angry at cheese on his burger, a We Going To Hell about sexual advances turned down, and answer Listener Questions provided by Hazel. Click here for this and past Rosscast Shows. Enjoy!

Future Win: Awesome Vehicles

I know I’ve written in the past in my Future Fail blogs that it was total bullshit that its 2012, weeks from 2013, and we don’t have flying cars or metal pants. One of my main complaints about the future is that we’re still riding around in cars. I mean, come on. A big issue I have with cars is the size. A human that is a few hundred pounds controls something that is a couple of thousand pounds. That’s ridiculous. But Lit has come out with a new vehicle that I wouldn’t hesitate to drive! Introducing the C1! It stays up with gyros…and science!

How's it work? Elves? Jesus? Yo mama?!

Look at this crazy ass thing. I’ve watched the demo video and it looks like you’re riding in a motorcycle. I love the size of it and the fact that it cant be knocked over. Yeah, that’s right. It cant be knocked over. When it is hit it just nudges to the size a bit. I know some of you think that’s impossible but you obviously haven’t seen some of the crazy shit the government has cooked up like DARPA. Youtube that thing if you wanna get creeped right the fuck out.

Rosscast Episode 266: Fish & Grits

For this episode that is nothing but Listener Questions from Beastman. I answer such things as what type of hustler get the most money in West Hollywood, why I don’t have a Mr. T haircut, who would play me in my life’s story, and whether or not making paper everyday is all I’m trippin’ on. Click here for this and previous Rosscast Shows. Enjoy!

Dante Vs. Nature 20

Life isn’t fair. If you’re an adult you know this. We all hope to live to a good age where we’ve spent at least 25% of it doing the things we like and love. We also expect to make it there whole. You know, with all our body parts connected to each other. Sadly, when you toss nature’s bitch ass into the mix things get thrown off kilter. You remember that lady Sandra Herold? No? Well, you probably remember her pet chimp Travis that ripped her friends face off. Yeah. Now you remember.

How you doin'?

The victim, Charla Nash, was recently awarded four million bucks for the damage done to her face. Now when I say that she was damaged I mean that in the same way that I say that space is large. Her face was wrecked! I wont even post a picture of it its so bad. If you want you can Google that shit but I’m not posting an image. Travis ripped off her lips, nose, eyelids, and because nature does shit for funsies ripped her hands off. That’s some mean Mortal Kombat type shit.

Human Pigeon

I made a video a few years ago where I acted like a human pigeon. Why? I don't know. I think its too late in our relationship to ask questions about my strange behavior.

Dante's Fuckit List Entry 12

A few years back there was something I started doing most Sundays for the better part of two years. I did it once in a while as a child and didn't miss it when I stopped. When I started again it was fine except for some occurrences that would make me mad or annoy the hell out of me. This is something that many of you still do but if I never did it again I'd be perfectly fine with it.

Kids These Days 11

Ever hear of the “Ice & Salt Challenge”? Neither had I until seeing a news report about it. Who knows what kind of retarded ass shit that kids these days are getting into? The point of the Ice & Salt Challenge is to wet your skin, put salt on your skin, doesn’t matter where, and then you add an ice cube to it. Next you wait while your skin slowly then quite quickly burn your flesh while your friends watch and laugh. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? DOESN’T IT?!

For anyone that lives where it snows on a regular basis you probably read that first paragraph and laughed or cringed at the level of stupidity it would take to try something like this. I have been in the snow only once and have almost died from swallowing an ice cube. That is my experience with cold. But at one point in my life I was very smart. I know the chemical process that occurs when ice meets salt…meets skin.

Five Things I Learned Living Alone

The day before my 21st birthday I moved into this apartment and have been here ever since. That’s is both sad and admirable. When you live alone for an extended amount of time you begin to learn quite a few things about yourself. Some things you learn are good and some are downright terrifying when you sit and think about it.

Not everyone is built to live alone. A lot of you are savages. Some of you need roommates because you’re a sad sack that always needs company or you need someone to clean up the condom wrappers that for whatever reason cant find their way into the trash bin. Here are five things I learned living alone.

Dante Learns The 7th Amendment

This is another one of those Amendments made because British rule was ridiculous. They were all like “I say, kind sir. Though shalt be rapped upon thine ears by our king!“ I mean, ours is at present but it isn’t as bad as they were doing it back in the day. Meaning in the grand scheme of things not all that long ago. There are people that can trace their family lineage back further than this country has been around.

“In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.”