BEIJING (Reuters) – A panda at a zoo in southern China attacked a student who snuck into its pen hoping for a cuddle with the endangered bear, state media said Saturday.
The 20-year-old male student surnamed Liu jumped over the fence at the zoo in the tourist city of Guilin, ignoring warning signs not to, Xinhua news agency said.
"The panda, named Yangyang, was wide awake. Apparently scared by the intruder, he bit at Liu's arms and legs," quoted an unnamed worker as saying after zoo keepers managed to calm the bear and rescue Liu, the report said.
"Yangyang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him," Liu was quoted as saying from his hospital bed. "I didn't expect he would attack."
Scientists believe fewer than 2,000 giant pandas live in the wild in China.
Really? I swear, just when you think you’ve heard everything some dude wants to cuddle with a panda and gets his ass bit. Well, not his actual ass but you get what I’m saying. What would possess someone to do something so silly?
I’ve seen cats so damned fluffy that I would probably hurt them if I picked them up like Lenny in “Of Mice and Men.” Plus, I have that stuff, what’s it called? You know, that stuff some people are born with? Oh, right. Common sense. I know that cat if it felt like it would scratch my face and ruin my shirt. So I know not to mess around with pandas. Those things don’t have any sense any damned way. Want proof? Fine, you skeptical bastards.
They don’t even like themselves. That’s right, I said it. They refuse to sleep with each other to ensure that their species survives! Come on, pandas! How soft and cuddly can they really be if they don’t even wanna cuddle with each other? I don’t trust pandas. Or koala bears. I don’t trust any bear that don’t warn me with growls. It’s why I don’t trust chipmunks. They look like tiny bears. Sort of. Kind of? Okay, fine. They don’t look like bears. Whatever. You’re the one reading this psycho babble.
I think its funny that people go nuts over animals they wanna save but its only the cute, cuddly ones. Nobody is trying to save the sloth. And what’s happening? They disappearing. I bet its their claws that frighten people so. And because they don’t have cute white fur. I’d call it racist if I weren’t so damned smart. Anyhoot, I want all of you to heed my words and follow these rules to ensure that you do not end up on the business end of a pandas mouth.
1. Don’t go near a panda. They are batshit crazy.
2. Don’t poke at a panda. They don’t growl so you wont know you’re pissing them off.
3. Don’t try to cuddle a panda. You know what else is soft and fuzzy? Mold.
4. Don’t wear a sleeping panda like a coat. Yeah, its funny but it’ll wake up and bite something off you’ll miss.
5. Never talk about Fight Club.
6. Don’t tease a panda. The word “danger” is in “endangered.”
7. Pandas are inherently evil. Ever see one smile? That’s what I thought.
8. Pandas like the Jonas Brothers. If that ain’t evil I don’t know what is.
9. Pandas are alcoholics. See those black eyes? Yeah, that’s from all that drinking.
10. Pandas are 63% lead. I’ve done the research people. Trust me. I wear glasses making me four and a half times smarter than you.
Rockets.
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