Cam sent me a link from WebMD about a
new pill called Vyvanse that is supposed to help stop people that
binge eat. Now, I thought that binge eating was something that
selfish assholes did. Like, you come home and you think there is a
bag of chips available but it turns out that someone else ate the
entire thing by themselves. Not because they were high or anything
but just because they're rude. Don't be that person.
I looked up the definition of binge
eating and this is what I found. Mind you, its from WebMD and its the
same site that has caused more panic than a parent that doesn't
believe in vaccination that sends their kid to a playground during a
high five contest.
“Binge-eating disorder is a serious
eating disorder in which you frequently consume unusually large
amounts of food. Almost everyone overeats on occasion, such as having
seconds or thirds of a holiday meal. But for some people, overeating
crosses the line to binge-eating disorder and it becomes a regular
occurrence, usually done in secret. When you have binge-eating
disorder, you may be deeply embarrassed about gorging and vow to
stop. But you feel such a compulsion that you can't resist the urges
and continue binge eating. If you have binge-eating disorder,
treatment can help.”
The FDA approved this drug for this
that has already been around to stop kids from being kids meaning for
ADHD. Seriously. Explain school to an adult without using the word
school and see how quickly you get jittery. I'm gonna wake you up
early, make you sit in uncomfortable chairs for about eight hours a
day where people will make fun of you for everything possible, then
you'll be taught by someone that isn't getting paid enough and hates
their job. By the way, if you complain too much or get upset here's a
drug that may make you kill yourself or others. Don't forget your
lunch.
They say that binge-eating affects 1 to
5% of the country which is bullshit because I bet you no one I know
has taken this survey. Vyvanse is called a central nervous system
stimulant which sounds pretty horrifying when all's you wanna do is
not eat that much. This is the definition of a 1st World Problem. “I
have so much food and I can not stop eating it so I'm gonna get a
pill to stop me from doing it.” This should stop the number of
times that you sit there eating all the food. You'll still do it.
Just not as much. Know what else helps? Being broke. Its funny how
being broke can stop so many problems. Drinking, drugs, overeating.
They can all be stopped when you have no money.
The funny thing, or funny until someone
starts ripping people's faces off like a pet chimp, is that its not
even clear how this stops people from overeating. It just does, money
can be made, fuck it. Approved. Now the fun part. Side effects. I
love side effects. I really do. I don't take much of anything, even
over the counter stuff. If there is a aside effect I'll have it times
five. If it makes you drowsy I'm unconscious. If it makes you nervous
and jittery I can be on the cover of Meth Illustrated. If it makes
you irritable I'm punching holes into the very fabric of reality with
my penis. Here is what they have so far.
Dry mouth naturally. Sleeplessness.
Increased heart rate. Jittery feelings. Anxiety. Possible psychotic
or manic symptoms. Yummy. Blood flow problems so there goes your toes
and fingers, like, working. And if you have a history of seizures of
mania you should tell you doctor before taking it which means you
have drawn a bad hand in life. You can't stop eating and you Hulk
out. These symptoms can even happen if you don't have a history of
it. Yeah. Let me roll that dice and see where it lands. I think I'd
rather take my chances being a fat body.
No comments:
Post a Comment