Clarence W. Hairston, 58, of Upper
Darby, Pennsylvania just might be one of the shittiest uncles alive.
He was pulled over by police when they noticed his car driving kinda
bad and got quite a surprise when the car finally stopped. In his
hand Clarence was holding a 25oz can of beer and in his lap was his 9
year old nephew. Oh, and in the backseat was an 8 year old. “The
vehicle had stopped in the middle of the road and then was
accelerating and braking. When it turned the corner onto Littlecroft,
it struck a parked car. There was an 8-year-old boy on his lap
steering the vehicle and another boy, a 9-year-old, in the back seat
jumping around. When the car finally stopped, the little boys got out
and the driver gets out with the can of beer in his hand” said
Delaware County Police Superintendent Michael Chitwood. Clarence had
all the signs of someone being drunk as shit and told the cop that he
himself was a cop. “It's not right to jam up another cop” he said
while he reeked of booze. He refused to take a Breathalyzer test and
got slapped with reckless endangerment, endangering the welfare of a
child, DUI, and permitting an unauthorized person to drive a car.
He's being held on $15,000 bail. “The guy is a total moron, it's
the best way to describe him” Chitwood said. I agree so hard I
think I pulled a muscle.
Friday, August 29, 2014
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Women Love Fire
It's one thing to try to burn your ex
boyfriends house down. It's another to waste a pound of perfectly
good bacon to do it! 32 year old Cameo Adawn Crispi of Utah that
likely has very hippie parents called and texted her ex to let him
know that she put some bacon over his burner and left it on. The ex
called cops and told them he wanted this bacon burning broad out of
his house and when they showed up smoke was coming out. On the floor
was hot coals around an open wood stove (whatever the hell that is)
as well as the bacon. When arrested Cameo (word up!) had a blood
alcohol level of 0.346. That is high as fuck! She is heading to court
in October and faces burglary, arson, and whatever other charges they
can throw at her. Hopefully unlawful waste of bacon based products is
a thing. She is kinda cute though the same way most crazy chicks are.
Its science. Her hair situation can be helped though. I hope they arrested her right out of the shower because her hair is as greasy as that delicious pound of bacon she wasted. Damn, I am so hungry for bacon right now. I can't believe she is 32 though. I see how drunk these people are in stories and wonder how much alcohol ages folks. Okay. Now she isn't as cute as she was a few sentences ago. The longer I look the angrier I get that she wasted so much bacon. Sentence: death by potato!
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
What People Care About This Week: ALS Ice Bucket Challenge
The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge is all the
rage right now but I doubt many people who are now doing it know
exactly what it is or even what they are even doing the challenge
for. Like most things that are the rage, like that Harlem Shake stuff
that happened a while back, people see it and want to tape themselves
doing it for views, not the cause. I've always known ALS as Lou
Gehrig's Disease. Here's a description of what ALS is and how it
effects people.
“Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS),
often referred to as 'Lou Gehrig's Disease,' is a progressive
neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and
the spinal cord. Motor neurons reach from the brain to the spinal
cord and from the spinal cord to the muscles throughout the body. The
progressive degeneration of the motor neurons in ALS eventually leads
to their death. When the motor neurons die, the ability of the brain
to initiate and control muscle movement is lost. With voluntary
muscle action progressively affected, patients in the later stages of
the disease may become totally paralyzed.” Source ALSA.org.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Babysitter Sets Fire Because Fire Cleans Everything
Martha Dreher is not taking shit from kids anymore. This 57 year old Texan babysitter, which also happens to be the most depressing sentence I've ever written, pleaded not guilty to the house of the family she was babysitting for on fire. There are four children, two girls and twins boys who are 5, but she was just watching the boys at their mother's house while the girls were with their dad on vacation. That already sounds kinda honked up. She says went to the house around 9 at night to get some popcorn and that she never saw a fire. Perhaps she didn't know that security cameras were recording her dumb ass and she is seen leaving the house 25 minutes later. A boy noticed the fire when he got home and said that whoever set it started it in the girls rooms as if life works like a cartoon and fire stays where you started it.
Not actual image. |
“It was definitely a vendetta against the two girls. Before I left, she had taken the girls clothes shopping, and she said that it was horrible, that my oldest had been very disrespectful to her and she didn't think it was a good match and she probably didn't want to do this anymore” the father of the girls said. Martha still says she didn't start the fire but did say to police the girls were “out of control, lacking respect for her and having disciplines issues.” You know, maybe the girls knew some shit wasn't right with the babysitter. Sometimes you can just tell that someone is off their rocker like “This woman look like she’d set us on fire if she could…” This is the tale of a woman who should be getting close to returning but instead spends time watching kids that she hates so much that she decided to clean their rooms with fire. I mean, look at that mugshot. Does that look like the face of a woman that has any more shits to give about anything?
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Teachers Still Wildin' Out
Teachers these days are getting it in!
And by it I mean students penises. I got two stories. The first
involves a 28 year old teacher named Jennifer Caswell who is being
charged with a lot of things including second degree rape of a 15
year old student. Police caught the former English teacher in a hotel
room with the student. She quit her job back in April when these
allegations first happened. There wasn't hard evidence against
Jennifer at first until her goofy ass was busted in the hotel room.
This picture that I am showing is the one that has been floating
around the most but I found her mugshot and she looks way different.
I'll get to that in a moment. I think we are getting to a point where
teachers are going to be replaced with robots shaped like squares so
that they can't be sexualised in any sense.
“Things that raised kind of an
eyebrow. People seeing a teacher alone with a child may or may not be
anything. It could just be innocent contact. The child said nothing's
going on, she's just a nice teacher” Harmon County Assistant
District Attorney Eric Yarborough said. Fast forward to Jennifer and
her student being caught in a Best Western. The found out that they
had been having lots of sex including twice at school.
Friday, August 22, 2014
Girl Suspended For Saying Bless You/Not Following The Rules
This 17 year old girl from Tennessee
was suspended for saying bless you to a fellow student in class.
Well, when you say it like that it sounds kinda crazy, right? As
usual there's more to it than that. There's a teacher at Dyer County
High School that doesn't play that shit and sent Kendra Turner to the
principal's office where she sat for the rest of the day. She wasn't
sent home. Her mother didn't come and get her and have a conference.
She went to the fucking office and sat. “She said that we're not
going to have godly speaking in her class, and that's when I said we
have a constitutional right” Kendra said. Eventually Kendra's
parents met with school leaders and the teacher who gave her the
“suspension” who said that Kendra was being disruptive and
aggressive.
The teacher had already had a posted
list of words that she didn't want used in her class which I'll get
into later. But it clearly shows “bless you” as being one of the
things she didn't want said in her class. Kendra felt differently and
said it was her constitutional right to say bless you because she is
17 and 17 year old's are dumb as shit. I've been learning the
constitution (click here to check that nonsense out) and shit isn't
as cut and dry as people want you to believe. Kids are wearing shirts
that say bless you on them in support of a girl who didn't really get
suspended!
Thursday, August 21, 2014
No Sex In The Champagne Room
What? A brother can't get no trim? 53
year old William McDaniel was arrested this past weekend because he
called the police to report that a stripper would not have sex with
him. I wish I could see what the stripper looked like. He paid her
$350 for a private dance which she stopped when McDaniel started
getting all happy hands on her. He didn't realize that soliciting for
sex was against the law when he should have realized that you can
take a chick out on a date and pay half that and get some action. I
watched Hookers At The Point and was shocked to find out how cheap it
was to get laid. This guy didn't and now he is in jail for being
multiple stupid. I can't wait for this 911 call to be released and
hearing a 53 year old man trying to explain to police that he wanted
a stripper arrested for not having sex with him. Maybe you expect sex at a place called Sagebrush Sam's Exotic Dance Club.
Five Things I Learned Watching World Star Hip Hop
So this morning I got stuck in a World
Star Hip Hop hole. WSHH is a site that has videos of music, random
shit, and mostly fighting. Just all kinds of fighting. Men versus
men, women versus women, men versus women, kids versus kids, people
versus animals, whatever you're looking for. I've written before on
what I learned watching Youtube fights. Now its time for Five Things
I Learned Watching World Star Hip Hop (or WSHH because fuck all that
writing). Now let's sit back and hope no advanced species ever
discovers this website.
No One Knows How To Block
When I see a fight start and someone
has their hands to their side or god forbid in the pockets I think
“Why don't you just pull your pants down, bend over, and present
yourself?” Who taught people how to fight? Every punch is a
haymaker and yes while those are effective chances are you'll throw a
wild ass swing and leave yourself wide open to ass kinda shenanigans.
You're not Roy Jones Jr. so holding one hand up and swinging the
other at your side just looks silly. So stop that.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Drunk Teacher Likes To Drink
This is the image of a woman who ran
out of fucks to give. 57 year old math teacher Kathleen Jardine lives
in the danger zone in a world that involves drinking, driving,
cabbing, drinking, teaching, and more drinking. You can just imagine her going “What're
you lookin' at, ya sonuvabitch?” Class started at
Poston Butte High School in Tan Valley when Jardine started cursing at
the students. They called for security instead of filming her like
kids these days are supposed to and she was rounded up. She admitted
to them that she had been drinking the night before. And the morning
before school. Oh, and during the school day because the party don't
stop till the panties drop. When her blood alcohol level was checked
it was .205, almost three times the legal limit for driving. I point
that out because of her actions from the previous night. You know how
I mentioned that she was drinking the night before school? Well...
The night before she was pulled over by
cops for drunk driving and had her car impounded. She actually took a
cab to work because of this, and well, the fact that she was drunk as
shit. She has been charged with public consumption of alcohol and can
get disorderly conduct charges as well. The school won't say what
they are gonna do with her but I suggest party. It turns out that she
has been canned for this before back in 2011 when she showed up drunk
in a New Mexico school.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
I Write Stories
Kiyoshi and I have recently released
another series of books. Actually its two stories in one. So far I
have released four stories and it would be awesome if you all would
share this link and/or buy and read my stuff. Let me know what you
think. That would be groovy. They are available on Smashwords as well as Amazon. All links are below.
Veterans Day/Kilo Sierra Echo
Two great books in one: VETERANS DAY
and KILO SIERRA ECHO Veterans Day: Kendra Hecksford was born into a
family of Marines. When selected to “the program” she assumed
that she would continue her family's tradition. Little did she know
that she would be a part of something that would change the name of
the arms race forever. Human weapons created to exhibit human
potential at its finest.
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Johnny Panic: Therapy Champion Of The World Part 2
I got some more! Looking through these transcripts of therapy isn't as fun as I thought it would be. After reading this particular one I ended up flying to my brothers homes and moving them down the street. I think I'll let Ronica start proofreading these first because apparently I'm not as in control of my emotions as I thought. Remembering how my brothers treated me made me shout and wake up Milly. Now the whole house is mad. Meaning Ronica. Milly laughed her ass off.
Mr. Schroeder: You do not speak of your brothers often.
Panic: Nope.
Mr. Schroeder: (silence)
Panic: Is this the part where I volunteer information?
Mr. Schroeder: Yes.
Panic: (loud sigh) I'm not a fan of them and they aren't fans of mine.
Mr. Schroeder: Any particular reason why none of you are fans of one another?
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Cat Holds Women Hostage
Damn it, people. How long are we gonna let angry cats chase us around our own houses? I wrote a story before about a cat using the baby in the house as a scratching post and forcing the family to hide while calling 911 for help (click here for that). Well. its happened again. Two women in San Diego had to call police after their cat, Cuppy, chased them into their bathroom. One of the women called her daughter to tell them what was happening. I dare someone to call me with that message. After five minutes of laughter followed by ten more of light chuckling I would hang up. The police showed up and eventually the cat left on its own. A neighbor said that the cat has been in the family but is unpredictable. Know why? Its a goddamn cat! All animals are unpredictable. Most humans are. You see people who say their dog would never bite someone until they get a new face. Everyone loves their cat until it chases them into the bathroom and they become a news story. I'll be damned if a cat holds me hostage.
Friday, August 15, 2014
Drunk Driving Kid In Wisconsin
In Manitowoc, Wisconsin a 13 year old
girl was pulled over by police for drunk driving a little bit before
midnight. The car was pulled over because the lights weren't on and
police discovered that there were five other kids under the age of 14
in the car. She also failed a field sobriety test. One of them was
taking to a juvenile detention center, likely the one that was
recently listed as a runaway. I can understand a kid stealing a car.
They look cool and go fast. But getting drunk and then inviting five
friends, one of whom is a runaway? Yeah but no. I don't think there
has ever been a point in my life where I accepted that level of
anarchy. I wish that there was more information given but since its a
minor there won't be. I know it was her moms car but I want to know
where she got the booze and how she gathered that many other kids
dumb enough to go along with her plan. “Hey. I'm drunk, got my moms
car, and a bad idea.” Sounds like fun! Jackass.
Granny's Joke Doesn't Go Over Well
How can I sit here and talk about how
dumb young folks are for taking pictures of everything and then
posting it online and getting in trouble when grannies are doing the
same damn thing? Jackie Sheaks of Columbus, Ohio got a little visit
from the sheriff's and Child Protective Services after she posted
some pictures of her granddaughter in a pan and another one with some
duct tape on her pacifier. She thought she was being funny because as
we all know there's nothing funnier than mild child abuse. “We're
not horrible people that they are making us out to me. It started as
just a joke; we put a little tape on the pacifier because we were
being silly. We wanted to share it with friends because everybody
that knows us, knows we play around like that.” Ha. The law found
out after her Facebook friends reported her dumb ass. I love how
everyone thinks that every single person on their Facebook page is
their friend. Not only should you not be taking pictures of your
grandchild being placed in cookware and/or with duct tape on their
face, you shouldn't be taking pictures of it, you goddamned weirdo.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Johnny Panic: Therapy Champion Of The World Part 1
I got the transcripts, son! So years ago I was ordered by a judge to go to a therapist because he said I had anger issues. This was after the getting high and punching that zebra in Africa incident but before damaging a huge portion of the South Pole for perpetuating the myth that Santa lived there. I went through three of these therapist before I finally found one that stuck it out with me. Of course I later found out that he was planted by the president at the time, George W. Bush. Either way, I went to this guy for over a year and they have just given me the transcripts of what was said during our sessions. This is the first time we met.
Mr. Schroeder: Please have a seat.
Panic: Thanks, dude.
Mr. Schroeder: Mr. Toner, could you please address me by my name. I went to school for too many years to be known as “dude.”
Panic: Well excuse me, Mr. Schroeder. You know for someone who is supposed to be helping me out with my anger issues you sure are one angry fella.
Mr. Schroeder: What makes you think that I'm angry?
Panic: Oh, no you don't. I know this trick. I say something and you guys ask me a question to get me to incriminate myself.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
What People Care About This Week: Michael Brown Shooting
Shit is shady in Ferguson, Missouri. An
18 year old kid named Michael Brown that was getting set to head to
college was shot and killed in the street by an unnamed police
office. On one side, meaning the public, they say that Brown held his
hands up when confronted by officers and shot down. On the law side
they say that he attacked an officer as he attempted to leave his
vehicle and was shot and killed. You can probably guess who I
believe. New reports say that the cop who shot Brown has been treated
for a swollen face. That's better than being shot, killed, and left
in the street.
Brown's friend, 22 year old Dorian
Johnson, told his account of what happened since the kid killer is
still in hiding. Johnson said the police pulled up and said “Get
the fuck on the sidewalk. Not but a minute away from our destination,
and we would shortly be out of the street. We were so close, almost
inches away, that when he tried to open his door aggressively, the
door ricocheted both off me and Big Mike's body and closed back on
the officer.” He says the cop grabbed Brown by his neck and Brown
tried to get free which, cop or not cop, you grab me by my goddamn
neck we have problems.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Breastfeeding Outrage
“Oh, my lord she got her titties
out!” the public cried. In a recent issue of Glamour magazine
actress Olivia Wilde posed for an image where she is breastfeeding
her son, Otis. Ignoring the fact that she gave her son an old Black
man's name, people are offended that she had a picture taken of what
many people consider to be a very private act. They think that this
is something that should not be done in public while on the other
side you have some that say that breastfeeding is natural and that
when it is done it is nothing but a child being fed. Look. Okay.
Look. Alright. Yes, breastfeeding is natural and a lot of women
around the world do it. On the other hand breasts are cool and if one
is exposed I'm gonna look. When I see a breast the fact that they're
made for feeding children is low on my list of thoughts after “Oh,
my god a boob!”, “Is she really doing that right now?!”, and
“My mother didn't do that because I was an ugly baby.” You can
say that I'm immature by thinking that and I'll say “Hello. My name
is Dante. This must be the first time we've met.” I'm not even a
huge fan of boobs but I'm still gonna look if they're out.
I hear people say that not only is
breastfeeding natural, but breasts being exposed isn't even a big
deal. In New York folks are running around topless for the right to
be topless. Don't know how to tell you this but breasts are looked at
sexually and always will be. If not there wouldn't be clothing that
accentuated cleavage and such. In some countries going topless has
just always been done and to them I say “You would be arrested in
America.” There are a lot of things that are natural that if done
in public I'm gonna stare at or be horrified. Here's a list.
Friday, August 8, 2014
Want Some?
Normally when I write about teachers its because they just can't keep from banging their students. This time a teacher in Oklahoma made a preemptive strike against sex by showing up in school drunk off her ass and wearing no pants. Lorie Ann Hill showed up for class (no students at the time) wearing just her shirt and some draws. Police were called around 9am to find her now wearing shorts. After searching her car they found a cup that smelled like vodka. They say there wasn't enough evidence to prove that she drove drunk to the school because apparently overnight we shifted to cartoon world where when a teacher shows up for school drunk, pantless, and has a cup that smells of booze that means that there is not enough evidence. “She was found in a room kind of disoriented” said Police Chief Bob Haley. “By the time we got there she was in a room and wearing shorts.” Thank god for small favors. She was arrested on suspicion of public intoxication. When did totally fucking obvious become suspicion? I swear it seems like every time I go to sleep and wake up the world gets a little bit more stutarded. Not enough for me to cash out but enough to make me stop and cock my head to the side and squint.
Bye Bye Penis: Part 2 The Dickening
I recently wrote about a guy that went to an Alabama hospital for a circumcision and ended up having his dick chopped off or amputated as they say in the medical community called Bye Bye Penis. When I read that story I was all kinds of upset for the guy. But now more details are coming out and I was wrong in my defense of the guy. I wish they had chopped his brain out while they were at it. Johnny Lee Banks Jr. you stand accused of being a buffoon. I call shenanigans on both you and your lying ass wife! A judge ruled that Banks and his wife did not have sufficient details regarding their case but could file again in a month or so. The hospital is like “Yeah, good luck with that.”
One of the problems is that Banks and his wife did not provide specific times and dates for when this alleged penis detachment occurred. Me, I'm not all that great with recalling dates but guess which date I would be able to easily tell you. The day my dick got lobbed off!
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Its Just Porn Mama
A 40 year old mother, Chavonda Gallman, called police because her 15 year old son was watching porn. She came home with her other child, a 2 year old, and a client, she does real estate, and when her daughter turned the TV on there was porn. The son was busy in his room not getting to enjoy porn when this all happened. She says that she called 911 because her son has been having behavior problems and because her daughter, the not even a toddler, was exposed to porn. You can throw flaming chairs at a 2 year old. They won’t remember that shit. She just sounds like an asshole mother that doesn't know how to handle a kid. Was he watching 1 Priest 1 Nun or something? Why do you have a channel that has porn? Why can't you talk to your kid without the law man getting involved? I feel for this kid. It is hard to get time alone to jerk it when you're that age. I lived in a house full of people and it just wasn't happening. Sure, I could watch porn but I couldn't paint the walls while doing it. Fuck that. My mother wouldn't have called the cops. I would have to stop from getting my ass kicked though.
People Continue To Scare Me With Surgery
Why do people like creeping me out?
I've already written about that scary Barbie chick and that guy that
got surgery to appear Korean. Now this 20 year old guy in Brazil has
gotten surgery to look like a real life Ken Doll. Celso Santebanes
has spent more than $50,000 for this nonsense fest. “The human Ken
bachelor is looking for his Barbie. Who wants to be my girlfriend?
After all no one is happy alone.” I don't know a woman alive that
would look at this guy and think that it was a good idea to date him.
This all started when he was 16 and his friends told him that he
looked like a Ken doll after a modeling competition. Those friends
ought to be ashamed of themselves. This guy may not realize it, but
he has signed on for a lifetime of getting more and more surgery to
keep this scary theme going. You don't just get surgery like this,
clap your hands, and go about your life. I like Batman but you know
what I'm not gonna go and do? Get Batman surgery because I'm kind of
a rational human being. Folks need to cut this shit out. Now pardon
me while I go prep for my surgery to look like Carl Weathers.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Kids These Days 42
I know I have mentioned some dumb
things kids these days do. The Knife Game and the Salt and Ice one
are just a couple. But I'll be damned if they haven't managed to come
up with a game that is so stupid that it makes me question not only
the future but the definition of the word “game.” This new shit
is called the Fire Challenge and it is turning kids into S'Mores.
Now how this is played is you set
yourself on fire. That's it. They stand in a shower usually, pour
some alcohol or whatever else they have around that is flammable, and
set themselves on fire. Look. This is one of the dumbest things I
have ever heard in my life. This is a level of idiocy that my brain
can't even comprehend. If I were a computer there would be a spinning
pinwheel loading for hours in a sad attempt to make this something I
could understand.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Five Things I Learned Women Do That I Don’t Care About
Girls go through a lot of stuff to make themselves feel better. More than I ever would if I were a chick which would lead to stories of me being a lesbian. Well, people think I'm gay now as a dude so I guess it all evens out. Either way, women do a lot of things and to most guys none of it matters. In this Five Things I Learned Women Do That I Don’t Care About I'm gonna list things that are me specific because there are some things that guys say they don’t care about like how many guys a chick has been banged by.
I care.
That may be immature especially since I'm on the wrong side of 30 but I don't mind. I've never in my life been accused of being mature and I sure as hell am not gonna start now. So sit back and enjoy my rambles. You may even laugh because you know you and I will never hook up and my thoughts don’t matter. Doesn't help its about 2am and I've been up since early yesterday afternoon.
Monday, August 4, 2014
The Champion Of Stupid
I have never understood someone being guilty and when caught doing some extra guilty shit. 32 year old Terrence Lewis of Indiana doesn't think like me so he has no problem compounding wrong with wronger. Before a search in jail he had stuffed his ass full of weed and tobacco. Last Friday during the search police say they saw something sticking from his ass which has to be the worst part of this cops day, really. Lewis, when confronted, snatched the bag from his ass and shoved it into his mouth. He eventually spit it into his hand and gave it to police who then added narcotics possession and attempting to smuggle narcotics into a lockup. But since nasty ass Lewis doesn't seem all that bright he figured that he may as well go all in and got into a fight with a cellmate the next day.
Lewis got into trouble for assaulting his cellmate because the guy, 60 year old James Brown, farted and Lewis didn’t like that. He punched him twice in the face making his eye swell and his nose bleed. Brown was taking to a hospital after that. Lewis then had a new charge of assault added to his list of silly shit. Now, the reason why Lewis was in jail stuffing drugs up his booty hole and mouth then beating up old, gassy men is because he turned himself in after getting a warrant for shooting two guys in the leg early last month. What a champion this guy is! He is being held on $52,100 bond. He needs to be like that one dude that got locked up and forgotten about because, come on. That is my legal take and response to this. Come on.
Sunday, August 3, 2014
She's A Superfreak
In West Virginia a woman was photographed and reported by neighbors walking a man down the street on a leash. The man also had a hood over his head, his ankles bonded, and had “an unidentified object sticking out of his anus.” Sadly, I know exactly what this was due to my seven years of selling porn and sex toys. The guy who was being walked Robert Deyell by his 56 year old girlfriend isn’t reported to be in trouble. But Barbara Jean “BJ” Geardello, 53, is. She told police that is was a sex game and that she neither of them meant any harm by it. Robert let police know that he was willing and wasn’t hurt. When talking to investigators Barbara told them that she was upset that a passerby called her a “freak.” Look. Now. Look. Okay. Damn it. I know that everyone has a thing that they are into whether they realize it or not. But some folks can get a bit too carried away with it. Like these two. If I saw this that early in the damned day I would have an issue with it. That kinda shit doesn’t need to be seen until after 2pm.
Friday, August 1, 2014
Dante Vs. Nature 44
Me and nature have a deal. I stay away
from it and it is supposed to stay away from me. Works most of the
time. But there are laces called zoos and sanctuaries where nature is
locked up and for some reason we feel like things are safer. I'm sure
Renae Ferguson thought she was safe when she asked one of the
zookeepers at the Sunrise Side Nature Trail and Exotic Park if she
could pet a lion. “I put my hand down there to pet it and it ripped
my finger” she said. “I would like to see more precautions taken
to protect the people as well as the animals.” More like protect
the animals from goofy ass people who think that it is fine to pet an
animal that kills other creatures with its face. Its face! Even in
the face of logic as well as the king of the jungle she thinks that
she isn't at fault. She was surprised that a lion bit her finger when
she tried to pet it. Read that sentence again and let it marinate for
a few seconds. She said the park told her not to tell anyone what
happened.The zoo has a different story.
“The lady went into the security area
and was told by the guide to get back and the lady stated she wanted
to touch the lion and continued, against the guide's warning, to put
her finger inside the fence and the lion nipped the end of her
finger.” Just by looking at her picture I believe the parks side of
the story, then I listened to her talk and not sound sound like a
dick, but anyone who thinks the phrase “Oh, my gosh!” after
having their fingertip bitten off probably ate paint chips and bit
the family dogs tail growing up.