Sunday, July 27, 2014

Bye Bye, Penis

Oh, no. This is one of those stories that I have to write with my legs crossed the entire time. A Birmingham, Alabama man by the name if Johnny Lee Bank Jr. went to the doctor for a circumcision and ended up waking up with his dick missing. How this happened is a great question. An even greater one is why would a grown ass man finally decide to get a circumcision?! He and his wife are suing because this is probably one of the best reasons to sue someone. I mean, come on now. You sitting there to get a procedure that is usually when you are too young to hate your parents for doing it and you wake up thinking of how much easier it will be to clean your dick and look down and there's nothing but your balls dangling there wondering what they're supposed to do now. The hospital claims that the patient lacks merit which means this hospital does not know the definition of the term merit. This case has all the merit.

The claim states that Bank nor his wife “gave consent for the complete or partial amputation of (his) penis.” according to the suit. Now he is spending extra time in the hospital and is going home without a dick. I doubt they saved it on ice or anything. His wife is a part of this lawsuit because she has claimed “loss of consortium” which translates to “I can't fuck my man no more!” Thanks, Obamacare. I couldn't imagine the level of every form of rage I would feel if this shit happened to me. You ever hear the phrase “There are no words”? Well, in this case there really isn't. This isn't something you can just sigh about and get back to a normal life. And since it was removed by doctors they probably made sure that there is no way to put his or another dick back on. I would just spend the rest of my days just staring at where my junk used to be and singing sad R&B songs to it. 

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