Five Things I Learned In Elementary School

Play time is over! This is a continuation of the first post I wrote about the Five Things I Learned Before Elementary School. Elementary school is an important part of growing up because not all, but a lot, of people become actualized during this time. What I mean by this is that they are what they will be at this time in terms of their attitude and personalities.

I know some people will not agree with these Five Things I Learned In Elementary School, specifically 1st grade through the 5th because by the time I was 10 years old the 6th grade became junior high. It was weird. So here goes. Prepare to be reminded of how terrible school was! School is a zoo that you need to experience to be ready for the shitty adult world we all live in.

Do Black People Fear Therapy?

Black people don't go to therapy. Mind you, this is a very general statement and some of you that are reading this saw that first sentence and said “I do!” or “I did!” or “They don't?” In high school I was sent to three therapy groups and to this day can't tell you why (click here to read more about my experiences with that). Well, in hindsight everything about me screamed “future school shooter” but that wasn't me. Quiet, dark clothes, keeps to himself. If it walks like a duck and quacks like it its likely a Black kid that has a terrible home life and doesn't know how to deal with it. Why?

Because mental therapy is for crazy White people!

That is what I was led to believe growing up. When you look at the history of Black people in this country it isn't all that hard to understand why they would have a distrust for the medical profession. Ever hear of the Tuskegee Experiments? The U.S Public Health Service intentionally withheld syphilis treatment from Black men to see what would happen from 1932 to 1972. As John Heller the Director of the Public Health Service's Division of Venereal Diseases said “For the most part, doctors and civil servants simply did their jobs. Some merely followed orders, others worked for the glory of science.” That doesn't sound too comforting.

What People Care About This Week: Ahmed Mohamed

For this post I'm gonna have to ask all of you to not put on your Social Justice Warrior t-shirt, form your own opinion, be honest, and realize that things are not the way they used to be. A few days ago a 14 year old student in Irving, Texas named Ahmed Mohamed was arrested for bringing a home made alarm clock to school. His teacher freaked out thinking it was a bomb, just like I would've, and called the police which led to his arrest. “I built the clock to impress my teacher, but when I showed it to her, she thought it was a threat to her. It was really sad that she took the wrong impression from it” Ahmed said after being released from a detention center to his parents.

The school, MacArthur High School, said that they are willing to allow Ahmed to return to the school but the family does not want him there and deciding where he'll go instead. The internet has started the hashtags #IstandWithAhmed and #EngineersForAhmed because that is what the world does now. President Barack Obama even invited him to the White House. Why? I'm not sure. I'm really not.

Five Things I Learned Before Elementary School

Preschool stinks. I know some of you went there or have kids that did or will be. But to me it was a strange place that removed children from spending more time with their parents like they should. This is coming from someone that does not plan on having kids ever and every woman I did (all two of them) didn't pan out. So this is the thoughts of someone that is childless and used to be a human of preschool age which means I am just the person to talk about this shit. In this Five Things I Learned Before Elementary School I'll discuss what pertains to me because this is my blog. Get your own blog, you loser. Oh, and I will be covering the rest of school as well. 

School Doesn't Sound Fun

When my brothers and cousins would get home from school they never looked like they had a good time. Well, the bad ones did because bad kids tend to enjoy school more than good ones. I would never hear stories about the fun things they learned in class or about a teacher that made them feel good. I'd just hear about how they wished they were doing what I was: staying home all day watching TV.

Kids These Days 58

You can find an asshole anywhere, even in a daycare center. Two women, 22 year old Erica Kenny of Cranford, NJ and 28 year old Chanese White of Roselle, NJ were both charged with fourth-degree child abuse after staging fights between children at the Lightbridge Academy Daycare and even being dumb enough to film some of them because we can not do a single thing (sex, child birth, concerts, eating) without filming it. When Cam sent me this story I immediately thought these people needed to be hurt and assumed someone recorded it. The school does have those cameras where parents can check up on their kids but no cameras are on the playground where the fights took place. As a former child I can tell you for a fact that the most violence took place on the playground.

As far as they know one fight took place in August. Kenny is the one that filmed the fight on her phone and posted it to Snapchat because she is stupid and thinks that because videos disappear from the site that no one can record them. In the video she encourages the kids to fight each other and even references the movie Fight Club which is stupid because if anyone in Fight Club had a camera they would have been beaten to death.

We Have A New Champion Of Penis

Baby's got dust on his diamond! 52 year old Roberto Esquivel Cabrera of Mexico is now in the World Record Academy for having the world's biggest penis. Just how big is it? 18.9 inches. That is almost as tall as four damned soda cans! This shit is scary! That's like taking my penis and adding 18.8 inches. 

Guinness are a bunch of no funners so they don't have a category for this type of thing, but its undeniable so someone had to give the poor bastard something. I mean poor in a literal sense because dude can't get any work because of the hog between his legs. He can't even get no love from the ladies because they are afraid but I'm not sure you'd really want a woman that could take that much man meat.

“Look where it is, it goes far below the knees. I cannot do anything, I cannot work, and I am disabled so I want authorities to declare me as a disabled person and give me support” he said in between deep breaths since so much oxygen is needed just to supply blood to his dick. I totally made that last part up but it could be true. He says he has no friends and people don't want to talk to him. What a bunch of assholes. Its not like he's that dude that had the 200 pound ball sack. He probably walks funny but its not like he is just tripping people with his shit.