Just Talking With Dante Episode 28

Jasmine is back which means we have recorded a new episode! In this one we talk about our recent Fat Tour to Good Girl Dinette, drink a bunch of weird ass sodas on air and one gets referred to as Fat Bitch, discuss delicious donuts, somehow end up talking about Dante getting arrested if he went to Carnivale, and what makes someone think they or others are attractive when they ain't. Click here for previous Just Talking With Dante.

Johnny Panic: We Got It From Here Part 4

Click here for previous Johnny Panic.

“We are the Arkho. In the short amount of time that your planet has left you may refer to me as Mother Bird. A being from a lesser galaxy, even lesser than this, was destroyed by your Johnny Panic who we have recently dispatched of. We arrived in hopes of a challenge and are greatly disappointed by what this planet had to offer. In three days time we will remove it from existence.”

“And...that...uh...is the transmission the entire globe received in every language known to mankind. I...should...I have to go.” And with that Tom Rockwell ran from his news desk.

“What a way to end a news report” Zazz said as the news went to a commercial.

“It's not like anything like this has ever happened before” I say to him. Yes, this is Ronica speaking. Johnny is still unconscious. “A faceless alien shows up, beats the only person that could stop them, and we have no way to win. I don't blame Rockwell from running.”

Folks Are Getting High On Bug Spray

I always say that if there was some sorta apocalypse that humans would find a way to get high or drunk. Even if they need to mix sand and the soles of sneakers they would find a way. In Indianapolis people are on that next level shit and getting high off bug spray. That's right. Bug spray. This is not just fucking people up, but it is turning them up to levels that are being described as zombie-like. Indianapolis Fire Department Captain Chris Major said “We describe it as being like a zombie. They cannot talk to us.” I guess that's when you know it is working.

“Their movements are slow and lethargic, a lot of drooling and a loss of function. We find them with their clothes off, eating the grass, pulling dirt out of the ground and trying to put it in their mouth” he continued. Side effects of this drug known as KD are the inability to walk, breathe, vomiting, dizziness, a catatonic state, and severe headaches. Sounds like a bomb ass orgasm to me. Giggity.

Woman Attacks Boyfriend With Sword

Sometimes I am on the wrong side of an argument. Like if anyone comes at Ashley Graham, I don't care if they're the Pope, I am gonna side with her. In this story about a sword attack I am on the side of the attacker for reasons I will try to explain. Badly.

Emily Javier waited until her video game playing boyfriend, suspecting of cheating ass was asleep when she attacked him with a sword. Before she went to bed she had taped it to the side. She felt that he played too many video games and was cheating on him after finding the Tinder app on his phone. She also said he had scratches across his back and there was another girls hair in their shower. Using her phone for light she began slicing. Just picturing this scene is absurd to me. Her boyfriend, at the time, Alex Lovell, said this in an interview and immediately made himself unlikable.

Dante Vs. Nature 74

Nature loves showing up and saying to me “You think the ocean is spooky? Meet this!” And by this I mean a Crinoid and by Crinoid I mean this feather star. I don't like it one bit. Look at it. Just floating in the sea being strange as shit. It lives in super deep water (30,000 feet) and shallow water because fear knows no depth. Their mouth is located on top that leads to a gut that is U-shaped. And get this. Their booty hole is right next to their mouth! Talk about shitting where you eat. Most have more than five arms and the versions of these with stalks use it to attach to shit but once they grow up they leave. Like adults should. If I were swimming (which means my yacht has been irreparably damaged and I have fallen into the sea) and saw this I would cry ugly tears. Sexy, ugly tears.

Should Teachers Carry Guns?

Should teachers be armed? The quick answer is “Fuck no!” The rest of this post will be the long answer. Remember when teachers would tell you to raise your hands in class? Who knew there'd be a point where you would be doing it so you didn't get shot? I'm gonna be straight with you. I don't think most of the people that own guns should own guns. I don't even know anyone that I would trust 100% with a weapon, not even myself. Arming teachers is in the news today more than yesterday because a Seaside High School teacher accidentally injured three students when his gun went off in class.

Dennis Alexander is a reserve police officer, former Peace Corps volunteer, and is all about being helpful in the community. By all accounts he is a good guy and a great teacher. He just happened to fire off a shot in class that hurt three students. There are conflicting reports as to why he had his weapon out in the first place. There is no question he should not have had the damned thing in class as it is illegal to do so in California even if they have a right to conceal license.. Some reports say he was teaching students how to disarm someone, another says he was teaching public safety awareness. Either way a bullet was fired, hit the ceiling, and fragments injured three students.