Thursday, August 31, 2017

Dante Vs. Nature 70

Bombardier beetle. Haha. Well played nature. Make a bug that can shoot explosions out of its ass. Makes perfect sense. This insect version of a frat boy or three year old (which are mysteriously gassy!) can even choose what direction they want to shoot this shit at you. It keeps two chemicals, hydroquinone and hydrogen peroxide, loaded in the chamber and once it is ejected the air makes it become an explosion. 

Oh, and in case you think I'm just worrying for nothing these things live everywhere except Antarctica. These baby monsters hunt at night consuming other bugs using its natural shotgun powered ass. And its not like this thing hits you once and escapes like a Black teenager. No. This stores enough ass bullets to get you about twenty times which is enough to kill most of what it is hunting for. You should see the video of these goddamn things. Its not like some little “pewn!” comes out. It'd be like running up on a kid thinking you can steal their candy and they whip out a weapon from Fallout. I also don't like that it looks like other insects. Is it a bee? A wasp? (shoots fire) Nope. 

Click here for previous Dante Vs Nature.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Five Things I Learned Having Crushes


I get crushes. Not often but it happens and when it does I tend to sigh heavily on the inside and moan like a sick whale on the outside. I don't know about you but when I have a crush it tends to be more annoying than this fun experience like it is in movies. For me a crush is different than liking someone. When I like someone, or god forbid fall in love, it is definite and there will be some action taken. When it's a crush it can drag on for damn near a year of questioning everything from my clothing choices to multi-verses where I'm far more confident in my ability to confront these wicked city women I fall for. In this Five Things I Learned Having Crushes you will get a taste of my struggle. There are really more than five but you don't need to know that much about me. You already know too much. Stop being nosy. I'll be getting some help with this from Ralph Wiggum.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Just Talking With Dante Episode 26


Jasmine has returned and we talk about a Fat Tour she denies, me having trouble finding a hard bath brush, being intentionally uninformed, discuss the recent eclipse, Y2K, cults, the logistics of nudity in heaven, too much celebrity news, The Bachelor and reality show sex, bad street walkers, health and food panicking, the shocking truth about chicken eggs, and so much more. We were all over the damned place. In case you're wondering about the sirens and helicopters were later found out a huge fire was happening down the street. Click here for this and previous Just Talking With Dante.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Grown Ass Man Tips: Staring

Staring at folks is dangerous. Just look at the animal kingdom. Staring directly at another creature's eyes can end with you being beaten like a drum or ending up on a t-shirt with your start and end date. The same goes for humans. How many post-primates do you know that like to start some shit because they “were looked at the wrong way”? Cut that shit out. There are times when someone looks at me for too long and I'm not sure if I am supposed to fight or fuck them. If I can look you in the eyes for more than two seconds chances are I am screaming inside my head for you to put your lips against mine or we are cool as fuck. Otherwise I look into your eyes, make sure you're not a figment of my sleep deprived imagination, and continue talking. 

Friday, August 18, 2017

The Seven Ex's You'll Have


This post is gonna apply to men and women so don't get confused when I switch between terms like “he” and “she” and shit like that. I mean, that doesn't even matter to a lot of folks these days. Its just a regular ol' bangarang orgy in these streets! In this post The Seven Ex's You'll Have I will talk just about that. This will of course include some experiences I've had in the past and since I ain't had a real girlfriend in four years or any stank on my hang low in over one I feel that I am an expert in talking about this kinda thing. Or not. Either way I have a blog, fingers, and too many opinions I like to share with strangers.