"Rehab: The Fake Tales of a Real Asshole" Season 2 Scene 9

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This is my moment. I think. Right? This is my moment of redemption. If this were being filmed everything would go in slow motion. I would lock eyes with Softy. She locks eyes with me and mouths “I love you.” The other guys on the ground would slowly lift themselves up and form a human shield around me. Music in a language I don't understand would start playing and the Marines would drop their balls and start slow clapping for me. Mr. W. Scott would drop his clipboard and walk over and hug me.

In reality what happened was not as inspiring.

The first ball missed me because I suddenly developed the ability to do jazz splits. My dick reminds me that a receipt for that will come later. The next ball missed because I tipped to the side. The next ball was launched by a Marine who did some parkour nonsense and hurled the ball so hard I heard it. It hit me in the chest spinning me into the wall. Just as I gasped another ball hit me, guess where?, right in the dick. I spun and now I was facing the wall. I lost count of how many balls were hitting my back. I next woke up laying in bed with an ice pack on my face and crotch. Saucy was sitting at the edge of my bed holding ice to his nose.

Kids These Days 83

They out here dipping their balls in soy sauce. I can't even remember how I heard about this in the first place which is almost as disturbing as the fact that I know it exists. So this seems to have started after a TikTok user named Regan said in a post “Did you know that when a man puts his testicles in soy sauce he can taste it? HE CAN TASTE IT. I wish I was kidding but I am not. If you have testicles, please dip your balls in something – it's for science and I must know.” I have written about so many challenges done these days and even some that were so dumb I haven't written about. But since I allegedly have man-balls I decided to chime in on this nonsense. Years ago a research named Bedrich Mosinger stated “The function of taste receptors and signaling proteins outside of taste system is still unclear. In some areas they seem to be part of the chemical sensing of sugars or amino acids. For the most part, though, full function of these extra-orally located taste receptors is unknown.”

Taste receptors have been found on other parts of the body like your stomach, brain, and booty hole. Yeah. Please don't make that a thing you all start doing. The study says that these weird ass taste receptors taste proteins for umami and sweet flavors that are in mice balls. They also removed the receptors and mice could not have kids and got weird shaped balls. Another person far smarter than me named Dr Kieran Kennedy said “The study or any that have followed hasn't shown that any animal can actually 'taste' via these receptors like we'd taste something from the mouth. There is no scientific or medical evidence to back up any claims that men of any species can actually taste things through their junk. So while the fact that there might be taste receptors in the testicles is pretty damn interesting, it unfortunately doesn’t mean there's any evidence they can actually taste things.” There. So cut that shit out. You can not dip your balls into sauce and smack your lips saying you can taste it. And if you can go see a doctor immediately.

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