What If: Aliens Arrived On Earth?

I was watching an episode of Joe Rogan Questions Everything and the topic was aliens. He went looking for them and wanted to see if they were real or not by talking to various strange ass people. I personally assume that aliens are real. They may not look a damn thing like us but when you know that the universe is infinite its kind of ridiculous to believe that out of all the vastness of space that this funky ass little planet is the only one that has ever created life.

The concept of infinity will drive you insane if you contemplate it long enough (trust me, I've tried and the man you see before you has broken his mind countless times) and the idea that you believe in life on other planets will get you called insane. I hope that there is life somewhere else because of we are it not only is that just plan old sad, its a total waste of space.

I'm not saying that if their is life that I want to meet it. Chances are if they have the ability to come all the way here from wherever they are that Earth would become a gigantic science class for them. Back in the day when there were more stories of alien abductions every story would have the same thing happen. Bright light, taken away, asshole used as a wristband. I don't need that level of stress in my life right now or ever.

Shit Just Got Real 5

This could've been a Kids These Days since it involves a 14 year old but then shit got really real. In Mississippi a kid has been charged with having hi father killed. Now that is bad enough. Having a parent killed is bad. Blake Thompson had three guys kill his father by stabbing him, burying him in a shallow grave, and setting his truck on fire. But it still manages to get worse. How, you ask?

The boy was dating one of the killers...who is 25...and a cop.

There was a time when you would get upset with your parents and you would run away or tell them you hated them and lock yourself in the room. At the very least you would pack up a bag or if you were a living cartoon get a stick with a sack at the end (which I discovered is called a bindle).

Rosscast Episode 287: Stacks On Stacks On Stacks

In this episode I am joined by the lovely Hotness aka Toya. In this show we discuss whether fast food employees should get paid $15 an hour, We Going To Hell featuring sex on a plane, Only In Florida with someone getting their ass beat over coffee, Dear Toya featuring her answering Dear Abby questions, and Fabion makes an appearance and talks about what women should do to be with him. Click here to download this and previous Rosscast Shows.

"Olympus" by Dante Ross

I ran. 

With all the strength I could gather I ran. There was shouting and screaming everywhere. I even heard a few prayers. It was a little too late for that. God couldn’t save us. I used to think that God could only save you if you tried to save yourself first. We failed. We never tried to save ourselves. We just folded. No one could help us. My wife, my kids, my brothers and sisters are gone. I was all that was left. And I could think just one thing.

Run.

It started late last night. We were all asleep in bed just before midnight. I always went to sleep early on New Year’s Eve. Gunfire never excited me. Living in L.A it was just something you had to deal with so I tried. I could already hear a few gunshots in the distance. I pulled the pillow over my head to muffle the sound. My wife groaned as my two daughters tossed between the two of us. Suddenly there were more gunshots. It must be midnight. I pulled the pillow tighter against my head. The gunshots got louder. I have never heard so many. It sounded like a war outside. Then there was an explosion. Me and my wife sat up in bed and looked at each other.

“What was that?“ she asked.

“Some idiot probably blew out a transformer shooting at it“ I said. I was trying to convince myself more than her. Then the screaming started.

“I’m scared“ one of my daughters said. They were twins. Donna and Danielle. I gave them a kiss on the cheek each and climbed from bed.

“What’re you doing, Tony?“ my wife asked.

“I’m gonna see what’s going on“ I tell her. “I’ll be right back.“

“Just get back into bed, baby“ she said. “Let the police handle this.“ That comment cut me. She knew it did. I know she didn’t mean it that way. I worked as a security guard at a bank. I had been trying to join the L.A.P.D for the past five years and have been rejected every time. “Sorry.“ More gunfire from outside. “Just get back into bed.“

“I can’t do that“ I tell her. I walk over to the closet and get my .45 from a shoe box I kept out of reach of my daughters on the top shelf. I looked over my shoulder to make sure they don’t see the gun. They have their faces buried in the pillows. Good.

“Baby…“ my wife says to me. “Be careful.“

“I will“ I tell her. It’s the last thing I ever said to her. You always imagine that the last words you'll ever say to someone you love will be something romantic or powerful. “I will“ is neither. I put on a pair of jeans and a sweater. They say that there is no cold weather in L.A. Well, I’ve lived here my entire life. 55 is cold to me. I slip on a pair of sneakers and head outside. I see all of my neighbors in front of their apartments. This entire street is packed. A few blocks away there is a huge fire. From the looks of it I’d say it was near the church. “Has anyone called the fire department?“ I ask.

“Line’s are dead“ the guy that lives below my place named Tim says. “Even my cell phone won’t work. This is bullshit.“

I grab my cell out of my sweaters front pocket and switch it on and sure enough there is no signal. Just as I put it back in my pocket another explosion tears apart the sky. This one was even closer. Then another. At the end of the block the building seems to rise from the ground before exploding. Everyone runs. I turn to head back into my apartment to save my family but am blown away when the front entrance seems to swell before knocking me back. I clear my head just in time to see my building burst into flames. I can hear my wife and daughters screaming inside. I rush to the flames when someone tackles me to the ground. It’s Tim’s son Jonathon. He plays football at Dorsey High. He’s a big kid and I’d be lying if I said he didn’t hurt me.

“Is you crazy, dawg?“ he asks me. “You betta start movin’!“

“My family’s in there!“ I shout at him.

“Ain’t nobody in there now!“ he says. The entire building was burning and on the verge of collapse. I could hear the frame buckling like an animal in its death throes. My eyes water but not just from the smoke. My family is dead. Jonathon grabs me by the arm and pulls me across the street. The apartments are starting to explode on the entire street. He practically has to drag me to his fathers’ truck. Tim is a contractor and has a large black Ford. I climb in on legs made of jelly. I can’t stop looking at my home. It crumbles to the ground and flames shoot into the sky.

Dante Learns The 8th Amendment

I know I have not done one of these in a while but here I am continuing to learn the Amendments. Some of these I hear about but just small parts. Enough for people to prove their point while leaving out other aspects. Some of the ones that are in the Constitution are totally meant to keep British from fucking with folks or to say how we’re better than the kinds that used to run our shit. The 8th Amendment is one I know of but have never looked into thoroughly.

“Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.”

Cruel? Yes. Unusual? No.

As soon as I read that a giant question mark appeared over my head. Mostly because each of those three things happen on a daily basis and especially by the government. Let me break each part of these down.

Dante Vs Nature 27

This was I have heard and read everyone discussing Shark Week. I don’t have cable anymore so I am forced to sit back and hear about all this footage of how sharks are eating folks or how cool one of them looks. Fuck that. Sharks are natures way of saying “See all this water? Stay out of it!” Sharks are assholes. I look at sharks and the sea the same way a kid looks at a monster in the closet. As long as I don’t look and keep away from it I’ll be safe.

And please, everyone, stop telling me that sharks don’t even like the way we taste or that we look like things they normally eat and in the same sentence tell me how smart they are and how great their senses are. Sharks just want to remind us every once in a while that they can and will eat us because they’re bored or upset that Breaking Bad is going off the air.

Frilled Shark

“The long jaws of the frilled shark are highly distensible with an extremely wide gape, allowing it to swallow whole prey over one-half its size. However, the length and articulation of its jaws means it cannot deliver as strong a bite as more conventionally built sharks. The many small, sharp, recurved teeth of the frilled shark are functionally similar to squid jigs and could easily snag the body or tentacles of a squid, particularly as they are rotated outwards when the jaws are protruded.”

Five Things I Learned Going To Church

Before I start this is not gonna be me bashing religion or anything like that. This is a list of them Five Things I Learned Going To Church. I’ve been to church more times than I ever thought that I would as an adult seeing as how when I was a kid and we went, which thankfully was not every week, I would either fall asleep and get yelled at or sit there super bored and ready to go home and do anything but be in church.

You can learn a lot about people in a church without saying one word to them just by watching how they behave while they’re there. If you are like me and you are there for what feels like five hours but is actually less than two unless you showed up on the wrong Sunday and they have bible study in which case it sucks to be you there’s plenty of time for me to form an opinion about my fellow man. Now let the church say…

Shit Just Got Real 4

Don’t you hate when you pay for a service and somehow do not receive it? You ever been mad enough to shoot someone because of it? Well, Texas resident Ezekiel Gilbert was and he did. Most times when you shoot and kill someone you get put in prison for years or life. Not in Texas which is mad at Florida for stealing all its crazy thunder! Gilbert shot and killed an escort on Christmas Eve in 2009 and seven months later she died from her injuries.

Feeling lonely and in the mood for love that Christmas Eve years ago Gilbert went to Craigslist and hired an escort for services. Yeah. You know what I’m talking about. Lenora Ivie Frago showed up and after about twenty minutes of not sex she allegedly took the $150 that she was to be paid and tried to leave to give the money to her driver aka her pimp and partner and Gilbert was having none of that. So instead of maybe calling the police or putting the money away or somewhere she couldn’t just take it and walk out of his house he decided to shoot her in the neck.

Rosscast Episode 286: Pizza Party!

In this episode I talk about a man assaulting a woman with pizza, I play my very first Rosscast, We Going To Hell with an old ass lady selling drugs, Only In Florida with a mother biting her daughters breast, and Miss Connections with Bane from Dark Knight Rises. Click here for this and previous Rosscast Shows!

Parents Failing Hard 7

Some parents reach a level of failing that you can only imagine happening in comic books or movies. Take this jackass for example. 22 year old Staten Island, NY resident Paul Marquez look reality in the face and said “I’ll take option B.!” and decided that selling his girlfriends baby on Craigslist would be a good idea. The Munky sent me this story further giving me proof that New York is an insane place where The Warriors roam free!

Paul was apparently upset with the chick he was dating and posted an ad for the baby trying to sell it for $100 with the heading, of course, “Baby For Sale.”

Along with this were details such as “…the baby loved to play and have fun, but had asthma“ and that it was “really getting on my nerves.” Oh, and the kicker: “I don’t want her Please email me.” 

D-A-N-T-E

I just got home from Vegas visiting the hotness with my best friend, Cam. On the way home we swung by a Starbucks to keep our asses charged up for the long ride home. You know how when you go to those places how they ask for your name. We all know my name is Dante, right? Yeah. In case you didn’t know that is my name. One of them. Its not my actual first name. Long story short, I discovered when I was nine years old that I had a different first name.

“The name Dante is an Italian name that originates as a shortened version of “Durante” meaning ‘enduring,’ ‘lasting’ or ‘steadfast’ stemming from the Latin ‘divans,’ which is the present participle of ‘durare’ meaning ‘to last,’ ‘to continue’ or ‘to endure.’”

To me Dante is a very simple name. As you can see from the picture not everyone agrees. This chick spelled it Dontay. This is not the first time this has happened. I have seen it spelled Dontae, Daunte, Dantay, Donte, and Dantay. I have been told many times that the way I spell it is wrong. I don’t argue with people over it. I know when I’m right.

Dante Vs Nature 26

This is my 1000th post on Dantania! Yes, I know. That can either be considered a huge accomplishment or a statement on the fact that I write way too damned much. Either way I was trying to figure out something special to do for this post but then said fuck it I hate nature. So here are some new animals that I just found out about even though I’ve been on this planet for 34 years. This is bullshit by the way. They need to hand out a pamphlet when kids are born letting them know just how screwed up this planet is.

Boomslang Snake

“Many venomous members of the family Colubridae are harmless to humans because of small venom glands, weak venom, or inefficient fangs. However, the boomslang is a notable exception in that it has a highly potent venom, which it delivers through large fangs that are located in the back of the jaw. Boomslangs are able to open their jaws up to 170 degrees when biting. The venom of the boomslang is primarily a hemotoxin; it disables the blood clotting process and the victim may well die as a result of internal and external bleeding. The venom causes the victim to bleed from all of the holes in its body. Other signs and symptoms include headache, nausea, sleepiness and mental disorders.”