Thursday, October 3, 2024

Five Things I Learned Being A Custodian


Its been two years and just into my third year as a custodian. Or janitor. I'm not really sure of the difference. Let me look. “The main difference between a janitor and a custodian is that a custodian has a broader role that includes maintenance and facility management, while a janitor's role is primarily focused on cleaning.” Damn. Guess I am a custodian. You may wonder how someone who has had my weird ass work history became a custodian. I have worked I have moved dead bodies, assistant editing, reality TV, behind a register, transcribing, reading scripts, working in a mail room, porn shop, and cleaning hospitals, and pet stores. If I looked at this from the outside I would say “That guy is pretty well rounded!” or “That man has no sense of direction.”


Both are true.


I just do things. I ended up doing this because one day while sitting at home all poor and being turned down for even dish washing jobs (because now jobs like to combine things and dish washer is also waiter and helping food prep in the back) when my best friend asked me a simple question one day. “What do you want to do?” I replied “Clean and be left alone.” She then said “Why don't you apply for a janitor job?” I looked at the camera in my TV in my head and made a weird face as the scene faded into a commercial break to comedy music. I enjoy cleaning. I clean every day when I am at home and chances are if I visit you I'm gonna end up cleaning something. I can not relax around a mess and if you have a sink full of dishes or clothes on the floor I feel antsy as shit. I wasn't always this way though. Until I turned 9 I was a funky little dirt bomb.

Sunday, March 24, 2024

Dating Advice From Someone In A Relationship That Barely Dated


I was chatting with my cousin this morning about dating after I sent her a funny video. It got me to thinking that I should write a blog post about how to date. I say this as someone with very little dating experience in my 45 years on this planet and zero game when it comes to talking to women. Let me be specific. Women I am attracted to. I will straight up let a woman walk right on past because I don't wanna waste her time. What I mean by that is that there are certain women where even if I find them attractive I feel as if I can not contribute anything to their life. I make this decision in a moment, by the way. But on the other hand 99% of my friends are women so I do have the ability to speak to them like a normal human being which is what most of them seem to enjoy. Not just talking to them because I want to take them to Bonetown, USA. Population: Us. I will try to break this down by men and what they should or shouldn't do and then the same for women. If you follow my instructions worse case scenario you end up with a new friend with no romantic connection that you will have to explain to a future girlfriend. "I assure you we never had sex!" God. I've had that talk more times then you could imagine. This information I use as examples is from listening to the women folk and from my own personal observations.