Dante's Fuckit List Entry 12

A few years back there was something I started doing most Sundays for the better part of two years. I did it once in a while as a child and didn't miss it when I stopped. When I started again it was fine except for some occurrences that would make me mad or annoy the hell out of me. This is something that many of you still do but if I never did it again I'd be perfectly fine with it.

Kids These Days 11

Ever hear of the “Ice & Salt Challenge”? Neither had I until seeing a news report about it. Who knows what kind of retarded ass shit that kids these days are getting into? The point of the Ice & Salt Challenge is to wet your skin, put salt on your skin, doesn’t matter where, and then you add an ice cube to it. Next you wait while your skin slowly then quite quickly burn your flesh while your friends watch and laugh. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? DOESN’T IT?!

For anyone that lives where it snows on a regular basis you probably read that first paragraph and laughed or cringed at the level of stupidity it would take to try something like this. I have been in the snow only once and have almost died from swallowing an ice cube. That is my experience with cold. But at one point in my life I was very smart. I know the chemical process that occurs when ice meets salt…meets skin.

Five Things I Learned Living Alone

The day before my 21st birthday I moved into this apartment and have been here ever since. That’s is both sad and admirable. When you live alone for an extended amount of time you begin to learn quite a few things about yourself. Some things you learn are good and some are downright terrifying when you sit and think about it.

Not everyone is built to live alone. A lot of you are savages. Some of you need roommates because you’re a sad sack that always needs company or you need someone to clean up the condom wrappers that for whatever reason cant find their way into the trash bin. Here are five things I learned living alone.

Dante Learns The 7th Amendment

This is another one of those Amendments made because British rule was ridiculous. They were all like “I say, kind sir. Though shalt be rapped upon thine ears by our king!“ I mean, ours is at present but it isn’t as bad as they were doing it back in the day. Meaning in the grand scheme of things not all that long ago. There are people that can trace their family lineage back further than this country has been around.

“In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.”

PETA Is At It Again

Attention. That’s what its all about for PETA. Whether its good attention which is rare or bad attention which it almost always is seems to be their goal. Just look at that picture above. Read that line a few times and explain how someone was paid to think that was a good idea. Lately the organization accused the Peter Jackson and the makers of their latest film in New Zealand, The Hobbit. They are being accused of the deaths of over twenty horses. PETA is being accused of not actually checking the allegations made before jumping on their shit covered high horse.

“The Hobbit production has always instituted swift and immediate investigations in to any concerns of any kind over the treatment of animals under its care. A prompt and thorough investigation into the recent unsubstantiated allegations by the American organization, PETA, in to the ‘hobbling’ of a horse during the making of The Hobbit was undertaken. No evidence of such a practice was found to have occurred at any time.” 

Dante Bitches About People Magazine Sexiest Man Alive 2012

People Magazine released their list of the sexiest man alive for 2012 and I was pissed. I ranted about Esquire Magazine and how Rihanna was their number one pick. I’m not even gay or a woman and this list made no sense to me. You don’t have to be attracted to men to know when a guy is or not unless you’re seriously that insecure in your sexuality. I doubt many scared straight boys read my stuff anyway. But to vote Channing Tatum as the sexiest man alive? Come on now!

I hated Tatum with a passion that sent ships across the seas for sex hundreds of years ago. He looked weird, he seemed like a dick, and he couldn’t act. But then he started popping up in movies where the roles he was cast in fit him perfectly. Films like Magic Mike and 21 Jumpstreet. I was like “Oh, this is how he’s supposed to act. Dim.” Suddenly I didn’t hate him anymore. He had grown on me like a non cancerous mole.

Rosscast Episode 265: Twinkie RIP

In this episode I discuss the death of Hostess Twinkie’s, Bitches Be Crazy featuring a man being stabbed by his wife, a Dude What The Fuck?! about a guy fighting an old lady over an insult, and a Listener Question I almost couldn’t answer. Click here for this and past Rosscast Shows. Enjoy!

Dante The Luddite

A while back Mr. Soot called me a “luddite.” I wasn’t sure what it meant but he said that it was someone that hated technology. Now, while I am not a fan of technology I do get some of its uses. Like the internet for porn, watching people fall off shit, and getting stuck on Wikipedia for five hours all because I wanted to learn the definition of one word that was used in a Batman comic. One of the definitions of luddite goes like this.

“Many of the ideas that were encompassed within the Luddite Movement have been studied and evaluated in modern economics literature. The concept of ‘Skill Biased Technological Change’ (SBTC) posits that technology contributes to the de-skilling of routine, manual tasks. A changing world and new technologies are usually the blame for the world’s worries. In modern usage, ‘Luddite’ is a term describing those opposed to industrialization, automation, computerization or new technologies in general.”

Technology is a beautiful thing in some cases like I mentioned. But there are times where I wish an EMP would wipe everything out and we’d have to start from scratch. This is usually when I am hanging out with someone and they start texting in the middle of a conversation or when people start talking about the newest iAnything. Fuck those conversations.

Dante Saves You: Vengeful Father Edition

Sometimes people make bad life decisions. You’re running low on cash, you want to be a badass, or its Wednesday and you’re feeling saucy and decide to kidnap someone’s child. Its stupid and if you don’t know it then your friends helping you know it’s a bad decision. Especially when you have to contend with Vengeful Fathers!

Most of these guys were in a foul mood before you decided to abduct their offspring so I’m gonna try to teach you how to if not defeat them then at least run far enough away to scream for help like a three year old lost at the carnival. Which you should never let happen. Saw it on Sons Of Anarchy. It didn’t end well. Let’s get started!

Kids These Days 10

I’ve talked about bullies before on a previous Kids These Days. It exists and will always exist in some way or another. Bullies are assholes that pick on people for many different reasons. They think they are tough, they like the feeling of making other people feel like shit, they have low self esteem, or they get their asses kicked at home and fuck it why not beat up someone myself?

Even with all these reasons its never cool to be a bully. There are many ways to combat a bully the one I prefer is just kicking their ass yourself. I understand that not everyone can do it themselves and don’t have parents or siblings that will do it for them like the girl in this story that I’m about to write about. This is a story I found on Yahoo! that is supposed to be inspirational but made me think of all the bad that could come from it.

Rosscast Episode 264: Strange Times

In this strange ass episode I rant about pubic hair in public restrooms, a Dude What The Fuck?! featuring a cop tazing a 10 year old, We Going To Hell involving a guy with lots of drugs, and an Only In Florida featuring a woman that decided to touch herself at a Starbuck’s. Click here for this and past Rosscast Shows! Oh, and listen to the last few minutes for how I feel about people who text while talking to me presented by Joe Rogan and Duncan Trussell.

Dante Picks The Next President

With the elections happening very soon I have been getting sick and tired of hearing people talk about propositions and the candidate they think will make things worst the least. I decided to pick three people that I think would make a great leader for the country and maybe even the world.

Yes, most of these are fictional characters but whatever. Most cartoon characters are more real to me than actual people. Ask me about my 4th grade teacher. Her name was Sylvia. She was Black. Had brown hair. And…that’s it. Now ask me about Wile E. Coyote. I will blather for hours about him. Now let’s get this election going in the right way!

"Right Fist Of Doom Mates" Intro

Hey, remember last year when I posted the first part of the new Doom Mates movie? Yeah. Almost a year later and there was never anything new added. I watched it a few months back and it just didn’t feel very Doom Mates-like to me. It was creepier and more serious than it should’ve been. After four seasons and over 100 episodes I owed it to those of you that enjoyed it to stick with what brought me to the dance.

This is the new intro I created for the upcoming half hour film. I’ve been creating some really funny scenes, fights, and a rap battle between Dante and Pretty Ricky. And yes there will be dancing from Michael. Thanks to you that have been patient.