"Dantictionary"

Everyone once in a while I’ll say something that someone wont understand. I’m not trying to be difficult. There are just some words I prefer saying or using repeatedly as not to waste more time than necessary to get a point across. As you all know, I don’t enjoy the whole talking thing you people are so fond of.


A while ago Hazel said “Dantictionary” to me and I was like “Hmm…” So I have now decided to make a list of things or phrases I say pretty much daily so you know just what the fuck I’m talking about when we speak or write.


A.


Alright: good or good enough to move on. “It looks alright. Now let’s try this.”


Asshat: someone being stupid for the sake of being stupid. “I tried to have a normal conversation with her but she wanted to be an asshat.”


Aww: used when I am complaining. “I cant see your ass? Aww!”


Awkward: when a situation or statement causes discomfort. “His fly’s open. Awkward…”


Ahh: used when something finally makes sense. “Ahh, so that’s what that smell was.”


Awesome: used a lot to describe most situations I find pleasing. “Those are the most awesome thighs ever.”


B.


Bastard: used as an insult or term of endearment. “I like that bastard. He’s cool.”


Boo: usually used when I don’t get what I want. “What do you mean you cant talk? Boo.”


Bitchwich: combination of bitch and sandwich. “Don’t be such a bitchwich.”


Bitch: used to describe a irritable man that complains. “Stop being such a bitch, bitch.”


Bah: used to voice displeasure or end a particularly bothersome conversation. “Okay, damn it. Bah!”


C.


Craptacular: something that is spectacular in its crappiness. “Wow, AVATAR looks craptacular.”


Crap: used in response to what I am doing. “Oh, I’m doing crap right now but earlier I was busy.”


Cock: someone that is being dickish. “He’s being a total cock right now.”


Crapaliscious: food that is thought to look tasty but tastes horrible. “Cheese and broccoli is very crapaliscious!”


Corny: when something is old and played but still used. “’Thug Life’ tattoos are too damn corny.”


D.


Dude: used by me constantly as either an adjective, verb, or noun. “Dude, this dude jumped and hit his head and I was like ‘Dude, you suck.’” and “Dude!” in conjuncture with an oncoming vehicle.


Der: used to describe a dumbass or point out obviousness. “Der, really? I’m Black?!”


Don’t: used as a one word response to something that may be said and done in a deep strange tone ala Saturday Night Live skit. “Is she says she loves me all I will say is ‘Don’t.’”


Dick: used in same way as bitch. “Don’t be such a dick, dick.”


Delvin: my actual first name. “Yes, my name is really Delvin. Let’s accept it and move on.”


E.


Ew: in response to a nasty statement heard or action witnessed. “Ew, stop talking!”


Evilyn: rarely used term to describe an evil woman. “She got all Evilyn on my ass.”


Ex: former girlfriends. “Yeah, my ex. No, the other one. The one with the…yeah. Her.”


Excited: overall feeling of joy where I cant sit still. “I’m like a kid on Christmas I’m so damned excited!”


F.


Facehole: used to describe multiple orifices in your face. “I wanna stuck my tongue in your facehole.”


Fruit: term for gay men or women. “I knew the kid from Small Wonder was a fruit when I was little.”


Funkbot: a person that is consistently smelly. “Every time I see that funkbot I know to hold my breath.”


Fool: someone that is smarter than they are exhibiting at a particular moment. “That fool is really a genius.”


Fatbody: someone who is unaware of their fatness. “He is a total fat body wearing them skinny jeans.”


G.


Guuuuh: exclamation of a nasty surprise. “I went into the patients room and he had his catheter hanging out and I was like ‘Guuuuh!’”


Great: usually said sarcastically. “Oh, more Top ramen for dinner. Great.”


Gayness: used to describe something a man does that is usually done by women. “I am aware that the fact I know how to pluck a woman’s eyebrows is the gayness.”


God: used when shocked by something said or done. “God, and what did you say after that?”


Grabby: used to describe someone very touchy; tends to be followed by long nicknames. “Okay, Ms. Grabby McTouchtouch.”


H.


Hobag: an older slutty man or woman. “When I’m single I am gonna be such a hobag.”


Hotness: used to describe an attractive person. “She is so the cute but she still needs to respect my hotness.”


Honk: sound made when touching a boob. “Honk! Hahaha!”


Hey Now: non offensive term used usually when something sexy is said on accident or when looking at a cute photo. “What did you say about eating more meat? Hey now…”


Hrrm: when left with nothing to say for a moment. “And she did what? Hrrm.”


I.


Ignint: when there is not enough time to say ignorant. “Look at this ignint ass crossing the street when the light is red. Hope he get his ignint ass hit.”


I’s: slave speak. “I’s is gonna fix this fo’ you real good, massuh!”


I Don’t Care: when I really don’t care. “I know we have a Black president and I don’t care.”


Interesting: very rarely used term when something is good and different. “I met this chick yesterday night and she was very interesting.”


Intriguing: when something or someone makes me want to be around it or them more for unexplainable reasons. “I found her and the way she spoke to be terribly intriguing.”


J.


Jackoff: someone that is being difficult for no reason. “The bus driver was being a total jackoff because the change machine wasn’t working like I broke it or something.”


Jerk: term used to describe someone that is being mean unexpectedly. “Jerk!”


Jesus: used to state surprise at usually bad news. “Who died? Jesus…”


Justice: shouted after a wrong has bee committed. “Know what happens now? Justice!”


Just: used with hand gestures to explain something. “And he was all pissed off and I was like ‘Just…’ while I showed him what to do.”


K.


Killswitch: term used to describe my crazy button. “Play some damn Sade and I will not be responsible for my killswitch being engaged!”


Kidding: after a joke is said that is not intended to be taken serious. “I love your mother. Kidding…”


Kicked: a threat usually aimed at someone that does something silly. “He keeps it up and he’s gonna get kicked in the neck.”


L.


Love: usually screamed when happy and hugging someone. “Ooh, love!!!”


Like: said far too often for being a grown ass man. “I was all like, ‘What?’ and he was like ‘Naw.’”


Lookit: said when complementing someone. “Lookit you, man.”


Lameness: told to people that are behaving in loserish fashion. “She was acting the lameness last night so I left.”


Lick: used as a threat against people I like. “I swear I will lick you if you don’t stop smiling.”


M.


Meh: said when I just don’t care. “Dante, vegetables are healthy for you.” “Meh.”


Mofo: cuter way of calling someone a motherfucker. “That is one bad ass mofo.”


Manboobs: used to describe my chest during junior high. “Man, I miss my manboobs right now I’m so horny.”


Mammies: used to talk about breasts. “She had some big mammies but I’m not into those so much.”


Manspace: a term for the space I need for my genitals. “I was trying to get some man space on the bus but this fat dude sat next to me.”


N.


Nope: usually the response to a question concerning leaving the house. “I swear you didn’t hear me say nope but I ain’t leaving the house.”


Negroliscious: used to describe me on a particularly good looking day. “I’m looking eleven kinds of Negroliscious today!”


O.


Oh: said when I finally get it. “Oh, that’s what you meant.”


Ooh: said when someone is in trouble or I see something I like. “Ooh, look at them legs.”


Ogre: said when describing myself at clubs. “Sometimes I just sit in the dark like an ogre and watch folks.”


Oh. My. God: used when very surprised by something. “Oh. My. God. She ain’t wearing no draws.”


P.


Pussified: used to describe a man that has been immasculated. “You see his pants and that shirt? He is totally pussified.”


Pussbot: someone that is acting too scared for the situation. “Don’t be a pussbot. Just jump.”


Prettified: used to describe a girl that looks better than usual. “Look at you all prettified.”


Punkass: something that is unwanted. “get that punkass carrot off my plate.”


Poon: female genatalia. “This porn stars poon looked like an alien.”


Q.


Quit: used as a final resort before attacking someone. “If you don’t quit I will bite you.”


R.


Rosscast: my show you all ignore. “Check out my latest Rosscast!”


Really: said after something that didn’t need to happen just did. “Really? You just did that. Really?”


Rough: used to describe bad feet. “His feet were way rough like he ain’t ever used lotion!”


Right: said when something is not believed. “You finished that? Right…”


S.


Shit: said when something is too hot, cold, or painful. “Shit, is this water from Hell?!”


Sassy: an accusation used when someone is being smart mouthed. “Oh, this is when you wanna be sassy? In church?”


Sassified: like prettified but with an attitude. “Ooh, she being all sassified because that dude she likes is here.”


Snazzy: term used to talk about someone looking good with lots of accessories. “She showed up looking all kinds of snazzy the day before.”


Shoot: wrestling term for real. “That guy is shoot crazy. Don’t fuck with him.”


T.


Titty balls: breasts. “She got some big tittyballs.”


Threatibility: the ability to look threatening without any action being taken. “I don’t need credibility when I got threatibility.”


Tubetop: a magical piece of clothing I threaten to wear to church, weddings, and family gatherings. “Keep it up and I’ll bust out the tubetop.”


U.


Ugh: used to quickly express disgust. “See her legs? Ugh.”


Uh-huh: faster way for me to respond. “Uh-huh. I understand.”


Uh: when I am at a lost for words. “Uh…”


V.


Vajayjay: a woman’s crotch. “Her vajayjay terrified me.”


W.


Weirdo: term of endearment. “You know I like you, ya weirdo.”


Wow: said when at a loss for works. “Its just like…wow.”


X.


I say nothing with an X. Sorry.


Y.


You: said before threatening someone. “Oh, you…”


Z.


Zeus: the main god. “Fuck around and watch Zeus get that ass.”