Animal Man, Static Shock, Hawk & Dove, Green Arrow Issue 1

While Mr. Soot is away doing whatever it is that super villains do when they’re not busy being super villainy I decided to use the available light in my cell and write some more reviews. This whole DC 52 thing is making me quickly see that not everyone needs a reboot and should’ve stayed gone and that just because someone was good in the 90’s doesn’t mean they can still hack it now.

                                      Animal Man 1

I had heard that this was a good one and I’ll be damned if its not one of the best of the 52 stories so far. I didn’t think Animal Man could be a cool character. He just seemed like a more powerful Bravestarr (you make me sad for not knowing who he is). The very first page is an interview by a magazine asking what Buddy Baker aka Animal Man has been up to lately. Boom. History taken care of.

While at home with his wife and kids his daughter is screeching for a new puppy while his son rushes in and tells him that there’s a hostage situation at the hospital. A man whose daughter died from cancer is trying to take one of the kids and believes his daughter is still alive. Animal man takes him out by using the skin of a rhino, reflexes of a fly, speed of a cheetah, and the bark of a dog. He calls it his “action hero” cocktail.

A policeman mentions that something is wrong with his eyes. They are pouring blood but the doctors find nothing wrong and he admits that he hasn’t felt better in a long time. Back home while sleeping he has a disturbing dream. And by disturbing I mean “if you don’t believe in God now you will in a moment!” In his dream he sees the types of creatures you’d imagine after trying to reenact Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas. He rushes downstairs after his wife screams for him to find his daughter playing with the reanimated corpses of animals. Aah! Aah! Aah!

Written and drawn by Jeff Lemire and Travel Foreman this is by far one of my favorites in the 52 series. They managed to cover the characters history, his civilian life, his heroic life, and set up a threat that he has to face. Great job all around and I cant wait to read issue two! Fun, dark, and great pacing.

Static Shock 1

Virgil Dawkins is Static Shock, a smart ass kid (figuratively and literally) that has the power to manipulate electricity in all its form. While chasing a villain away that has stolen a powered suit from STAR Labs (which is apparently the most dangerous place on Earth to work besides The Daily Planet). After stopping him he is immediately executed. If someone says they are about to die, just believe them and raise a shield or something. But nope. Dude gets killed and in the process Static Shock manages to piss off New York City by frying a bunch of folks electric items.

A group of multi colored villains are seen recording and watching the action. These Power Rangers report back to some guy what happened and he is pissed off so he sends in Virule. Just picture Killer Croc 2099 or something. By the end of the issue Static gets new stuff for his hover craft from Hardware (who knew he still existed?) and is instantly shot by Virule who ends up slicing the kids arm off.

The was the definition of “meh.” The story by Scott McDaniel seems to not pick a tone and stick with it. You cant go from smart mouthed kid watching someone get murdered one foot from him to asking for a new car from his parents the next. The art by John Rozum is mediocre. This reboot would’ve been the perfect chance to get rid of Static’s goofy ass dreads. I mean, its funny when a character looks almost exactly like their alter ego. This didn’t get my panties wet at all.

Hawk & Dove 1

Hawk & Dove have a long and uninteresting history in comics and for some reason they decided to keep that trend going. Hawk is strong and powerful. Dove, who is now a chick, is the same but she has stronger emotions. I guess in case of a robbery they can slip on her tears. The two of them manage to stop a plane heading towards the Washington Monument. It still hits it but just a little.

Back at home Hawk is bitching about his brother the former Dove being dead (this reboot would’ve been a good way to fix that…) and Dove is hanging out with her boyfriend Deadman talking about stuff. She is hiding a secret from Hawk that she wishes to never tell. Hawk feels like beating some stuff up. The also show the origin of how they got their powers and it is so lame. They just asked for them. That’s it. “Hey, I wanna be powerful.” “Okay!” some gods say and there you are. At the end some dude that looks like a brown version of the deceased Dove shows up and kills a zombie. Wait. Huh?!

What a waste of paper this one was. The story by Sterling Gates was super rushed and felt like a throwaway issue. And the art? Rob Liefeld has been doing this since I was a child and has managed not to grow as an artist. Look at that cover! Tell me that doesn’t look like the same shit he was doing back in the 90’s. He does not have the ability to draw emotions other than rage, anger, pissedoffness, and rage. In a normal conversation people look like they are in the middle of taking the most painful bowel movement in the history of Earth. Boo this comic. Boo!!!

Green Arrow 1

Green Arrow fights crime while having business meetings. This is something that even Batman hasn’t mastered. He finds a team of wannabe villains who get off on taping their crimes and posting them online and takes them down. He also has a team that helps him on his missions and I assume one of them trimmed his goatee. He looks like Speedy wearing Green Arrow’s outfit. Kinda weird.

While the villains are locked up they are rescued by some dude that looks like the type of guy that doesn’t wear underwear. Yeah. You know the type. I love the splash page at the end of these guys (and dwarf, and wolf chick, and karate master) posing while the smoke clears. Seriously, if the smoke cleared and these guys were standing there like that I would crack up laughing. They don’t look threatening. Pass by a club on a Friday night. Do they scare you? Exactly.

I would have liked for this to be more of an origin story. It feels like I am jumping in the middle of something and I felt lost while reading it. Still it was an okay read but if the evil guys being used are the jump off point I am worried. Hipsters don’t scare me. Story by J.T Krul and art by the always dependable Dan Jurgens.