Man Sues Over Sexy Super Bowl

Sometimes there are things I hear or read that make me question my testosterone levels. There is this dude that wants to sue because he is upset about the performance during halftime by Jennifer Lopez and Shakira. By the way this dude, Dave Daubenmire, is a Christian activist with a podcast. I saw most of the performance and I didn't even have a wiggle down there. Dave on the other hand is worried about his soul and the penises of those in his home. “Could I go into a courtroom and say, 'Viewing what you put on that screen put me in danger of hellfire'? Are we going to protect our children or not? Would that halftime show, would that have been rated PG? Were there any warnings that your 12-year-old son - whose hormones are just starting to operate - was there any warning that what he was going to see might cause him to get sexually excited?” Will someone please think of the children?!

I know after Janet Jackson blessed us sixteen years ago (yes, it was that damn long ago!) people are always worried about anything sexy happening during the performances. For those of you too young to remember Miss Jackson and Justin Timberlake performed and at the very end of the show he yanked her top and it opened up and there was lady nipple live on TV. Next thing you know the FCC cracks down on anything that would offend anyone. Don't worry about the fact that the NFL has close to 300 concussions per year. That's fine! But them asses shaking? Two asses?! At the same time?! That, my kind sir, is too much. Oh, and he wants to sue for $867 trillion. That is not even a real number. Just a weird dude looking for attention. “I'm looking for a lawyer to file a class action lawsuit against Pepsi, the NFL, my local cable company for pandering pornography, contributing to the delinquency of a minor.” If he considers that performance pornography he needs a good talking to. And did his son suddenly start wilding out after seeing this?

And get this. He didn't even watch the fucking Super Bowl halftime show! He watched clips from the shit and got mad. “I saw a lot of crotch shots, dare I say it, crotch shots. I tuned in to watch a football game. I didn't tune in to watch a porn show. I didn't tune in to see J.Lo's crotch. I didn't tune in to see her scratching or whatever she was doing down there.” Then he mentioned something about not being able to talks about “homos” on Facebook. I watched a part of the show and walked in from doing yard work to see J. Lo bent full over and told Cam “J. Lo showing her bootyhole!” I missed the first part with Shakira and saw her when she came out to finish. I know like two Shakira songs and maybe three or four of J.Lo's. I just wanted to see what they wore and then finish working outside. It didn't rile me up. It didn't make me wonder about the safety of the youth either. How the fuck you gonna protect kids from having any kind of sexy thoughts? That's how you make lunatics! Who thinks “As long as my son doesn't see shaking asses he will grow up perfect and righteous”? That's not how any of this works!

We are past the point of trying to keep anyone from seeing things that may turn them on. If seeing something sexy makes you lose your shit or question whether or not you'll be denied entrance into heaven then you may be a crazy person. I would hate to be the kid of someone that religious and hardcore. I would either end up acting just as crazy as them or going completely the other way and being all about nothing but looking at asses.