Johnny Panic: We Got It From Here Part 5

Click here for previous Johnny Panic.

You ever wake up two miles in the sky wearing a hospital gown with a catheter dangling between your legs? Okay, I guess that's just me. I'm not sure exactly what happened or how long I've been in bed getting the best sleep I've ever got in my life, but shit looks super bad in the sky. The sky has a weird hue to it and everything smells like a storm is coming. I float back down to my room. I can tell its my room because the window is shattered. I head back inside and there are a bunch of nurses and doctors. I close my gown and curtsy. I'm not sure what else I am supposed to do in this situation.

“So, what I miss?” I ask this cute nurse. She is speechless. I mean, she did just see my donger so I get it, but I have shit to do. Last thing I remember was cursing and then a flash of light followed by the worse pain I've ever felt. “I see a bunch of ships in the sky so I am assuming the president did not handle this situation.”

“Uh...no” a doctor says. He looks like Vince McMahon from the 80's. “You have been here for six days.”

“Six?!” I shout louder than intended. “Holy shit rocks. What's been happening?” They give me the lowdown. The alien leader, which is apparently super hot looking, gave Earth three days until destruction, but then a tiny ball of light started knocking out ships and keeping them at bay. “A tiny ball of light? I wonder if the government has been doing more super secret soldiery type shit again.”

“No government has claimed responsibility but whoever it is they are keeping the planet safe in your, uh, absence.” He clears his throat. “So, how are you feeling?” He steps forward and sticks something in my ear and I giggle.

“I feel pretty damned good” I say. “Shouldn't I be out, like, trying to help save the planet?”

“That giggling ball of light is doing just fine” the hot nurse says.

“Did you say giggling?” I ask. “Oh, shit.” I snatch the thermometer or whatever out of my ear. “Giggling?”

“There were some unsubstantiated reports that laughter was heard during one of the attacks by the ball of light” the doctor says.

“Oh, shit!” I say and take off. Ronica is gonna be super pissed. Like, next level pissed. The only people that know about the testing and training I've done with Milly is Zazz and my mommy and there is no way my mommy would snitch on me. But Zazz would. Zazz would sell his soul for a chicken strip. And not even a good one. He'd do it for a frozen one. A frozen one that fell on the floor and he'd hope that no one saw it happen but we all saw it happen. We all saw it. 

I keep scanning the sky for a ball of light. I hope its not Milly and maybe one of my punkass brothers developed powers and is helping out. Shit. Hopefully Ronica and Aimee are okay. And my mom. I'm sure they're good. Damn, the ships that are still up there are huge. I head up a bit higher just so I can fly faster without causing damage below because I am a responsible adult. As soon as I get above the clouds I crank into super speed and then I hear it.

“Picnic!”

I stop mid-flight and there she is. My baby is glowing like a goddamn techno club. Her skin is changing into every damned color of the rainbow and smiling her little ass off. Her hair looks like it has never seen a brush. What's left of her cute little onesie is scorched. She looks like a cave baby. She squeals when she sees me and flies into my arms and she's hot as the sun. I kiss her on the cheeks and blow into her neck and she laughs and her color turns back to normal. She looks at her hands and frowns.

“What you doing, stinky?” I ask her and she smiles and grabs for my hair. I don't even want to know what my hair looks like right now.

“Mama wun?” she says. She calls Ronica Mama One sometimes and my mom Mama Two. Or as she says “mama doo.” I tuck her into my gown and rocket towards home ignoring the fact that ships the size of towns are floating above us. They aren't doing anything at the moment which should make me feel good but doesn't. I can't believe that for the past few days my baby daughter has been protecting the planet. I'm proud of her but more afraid of what Ronica is gonna say when we get home. You know what? I'm sure she'll be cool with it. She won't get mad because not only is she with the world's greatest and only superhero but her daughter is also a hero. And a baby. Shit.