Why Isn't Dante Dating? The Imagining

As I sit here thinking of this fantasy human it is harder than I thought it'd be. I am trying not to think so much about what I don't want because I am good at complaining about shit and instead trying to think of what I do want. I think of girls I have dated, liked, told I liked, never told I liked, and ones I just look at and immediately think “She would be fun to date...” and then make up an entire scenario where we date and she gets to know me and decides its not worth the trouble. I do what I have had done to me which is goofy and unfair to myself.

I have heard a lot of people talk about their perfect/fantasy person. Since I am someone who takes things literally I tend to think “Well, I'm out!” since I am never what a lady woman describes as their perfect guy. I will hear things like “green eyes”, “gets along with his family”, “has a great job”, or “full beard” and I roll my eyes so hard they go into my head and I can look into my past and witness my mistakes. I tend to forget that there are compromises and such in terms of, well, everything in this version of reality. So what I decided to do is make a list of what I would consider the perfect woman...for me. Just me. This ain't yours. Its mine. So back off. You can disagree with this which is fine. And don't feel bad if this woman sounds nothing like you because chances are you're not into my strange ass anyway.

Even days later as I keep coming back to this I have trouble trying to think of a fantasy woman. Am I so far removed from being in a relationship or having someone be in love with my strange ass that I can't even think of a pretend woman? This is troubling. I have not had a girlfriend in six years. I have not been on a date in over three. And you can safely assume that I haven't boned down in years.

My perfect woman is never happy with her weight and her BMI tells her she should be checking with a doctor but it looks great to me...but I don't want her to need a break after walking up a flight of stairs. Regardless she is comfortable in her own skin and does not want to look like anyone else. If I start the drums to a Metallica song she knows where the guitars come in. She has friends she knows I don't like and doesn't try force us to get along. She also has friends that I wanna be friends with. She has something that she is really into that costs almost nothing and another that costs more than she is comfortable with. She only wears heels when she absolutely has to. She never has to shout that she is a strong woman. She wears makeup when she wants to prove a point. She doesn't want to be famous and only has an Instagram to talk about TV and movies. She never refers to herself as spiritual or a free spirit. The idea of texting while having a meal together grosses her out.

She never calls herself fat or ugly. She may think it once in a while but will never refer to herself as such out loud because she spent too much time on the internet. She never gets into physical altercations with people especially over dumb stuff. She has never gone shopping during Black Friday. She doesn't get jealous that I have lady friends and even has some guy friends herself. She has no desire to get stoned and if she does its so rare that she can not recall the last time she did it. She is good with her father and even if she is not or never was she does not treat me like some guy that hurt her in the past. She creates something. Sometimes she laughs so hard she has to leave the room. One of the first things people will say about her is that she is funny. She is sweet but does not let people take advantage of her.

She introduces me to new things like movies, music, and TV shows. She knows how to be entertained when she is alone and does not need me to be the sole source of her entertainment. She asks me if I want to just sit with her and do nothing but be around each other. She would become one of my closest friends and we'd make sure that the two of us were handling this life of nonsense together as happily as we could. She would want to learn some sort of arts/crafts from me and I her. Likes some animals but knows that they are not humans and should not be treated as such. She has some sort of scars or tattoos. She barely wears perfume. She is hopefully not on any medications and if she is discloses that as soon as possible. She has friends that she loves but also knows when to let some of them go. She wont tell me she is fine/happy when she isn't. She holds my hand in public. She doesn't try and compete in the Sadness Games. She would be able to look at everything I have written and not take it personal because she does not hit all of these fantasy bullet points.

I think that's it for now. It is sad that it has taken me so long to finish this. I would add things as the day went on thinking of what I want and trying my damnedest to not drag this into negative space and start bitching about the things I no longer want. I mean...I'm gonna do that regardless. It is the best thing about having your own blog site and being single with a good imagination and the ability to complain like an 80 year old man. The thing is, I have not been in a lot of relationships. I have a girlfriend and it lasts for a year or more. I do not date meaning I do not like someone, they like me, and we see each other a few times before moving on. I have done that twice and neither one ended all that well for me. You can't learn anything good about someone that quickly. I don't think.

Right?

The problem I've been experiencing since I have been single for so damned long is that when I like someone or have interest in them I spend a lot of time second guessing things. Do they like me? Are they just doing that thing where they're just being nice? Even if I like someone I spend so much time just being friendly that I end up just being a friend. Not that it is a bad thing especially since there have been some lady folk I have been into and later think “Glad that shit didn't happen!” Some people just make far better friends than possible lovers. I have mentioned in many blogs that I need to be friends with someone before I wanna get with them because I do not like wasting my time or theirs. I don't wanna think that we could end up together and find out way later that you really want to have kids while my ass is happy to not populate the planet with little versions of myself. In the past I did. I'm 40. No thank you.

Over the years I would say I would not be with someone that had something on my negative list and in an attempt to step out of my own box I would. It would work out well sometimes and other times afterward I would think “What did you expect to happen? What you thought would happen happened!” I do not use dating apps so meeting someone that way is out of the question. Nothing against anyone that does use them but I just don't wanna do it. I would rather meet you in person or hell even at work than from a site purely to meet people. Most use them to lie and bone down anyway and I'm not interested in that. One of the biggest things that makes me nervous about the whole internet bases aspect is that people are really good at pretending to be someone else especially when they do not have to say it to your face. With the click of a button a face can be altered. Eye color changed. Blemishes removed. Weight reduced. Someone can be funny online and it turns out they are just quoting actual funny people and they personally have no actual personality.

This brings me to my biggest issue with people. Being wack. I accuse people of being wack all the time. When I call someone that it means that they are not interesting. You can be fine as fuck but be wack. You can also have one thing that you do that makes you not wack. I will see someone change the style of their hair because it is in style and deem them wack. I will see someone have a whole new wardrobe because it is in style right now and call them wack. Have I ever dated someone that was wack? Yes. And it sucks. I did it because I did not realize that she was good at appearing to be interesting. That is the word I am looking for. Interesting. Be that. You don't have to be someone that hikes every weekend. Travels to world. Goes to the biggest festivals every year. Just be interesting.

What makes someone, a woman, interesting to me is when she has been into something for years. Be it music, cinema, art, whatever. You are into that thing and you know a lot about it. Not only that but you know how to talk about that thing to people who are not into it but good at it. You can TED Talk that shit. This past week at work this lady woman told me she played an instrument that I had never heard of. Know what I did? Listened to it. I was like “This is cool and weird and I wanna know more about it.” That is how someone showing you something new should be like. Some people can be into something good and say “I went to the park. It was nice.” And that's it. Others will say they went, saw lizards, maybe snakes, possibly a mountain lion, describe the weather, and who they were with. They know how to tell a story. There are people who even describe their friends and lovers and they end up sounding wack. “He/she is nice.” That's it? Cool. I can't wait to meet them.

So yeah. Be nice to meet someone that is actually attracted to me, doesn't want to turn me into someone else, is sweet, knows how to have fun even by herself, does not jump from relationship to relationship, and knows how to scratch my chin.

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