Justice League Dark, Voodoo, Savage Hawkman Issue 1

Mr. Soot tied an issue of Batman to a string and pulled it down the hallway leading out of my cell. Like an idiot of course I chased it down. Next thing I know a net falls on my head and he’s laughing his ass off. “This is getting too easy…” he said as he threw another pile of DC 52’s at me to review.

Justice League Dark

If you take anything away from this issue its that Shade The Changing Man is one of the coolest characters that you may never of heard of! The story starts off with this young girl wandering around not knowing where she is and mumbling to herself. She walks into a place and she looks on the TV and there is a freeway full of “hers” being hit by cars and dying. Superman, Wonder Woman, and Cyborg head to a place where magic is happening and get wrecked by teeth. Flying teeth. Batman decides that he and Zatanna should help out and she binds him with parts of the Batcave.

Shade makes an appearance and if you don’t know his history (which many don’t) the scene he has with his girlfriend is damn near heartbreaking. In London Constantine is being messed with magically. Madam Xanadu is seeing a future where everyone is lying in a pile of dead bodies. Aah! Aah! Aah!

This was a very cool issue and I would love to see where it goes. Bringing these characters, Deadman will make an appearance, together is a very great idea. Justice League Dark had great art and a cool story. Did I mention they brought Shade The Changing Man?! You all have no idea how much I like this guy. Do some research on him.

Voodoo

I know the character Voodoo aka Priscilla Kitaen from old Image Comics WildCATS which is known for having one of the worst cartoon theme songs ever written. Seriously. Look it up. Your eyes and ears will poop. I remember this splash page from the 90’s of her and it was one of the hottest drawings ever. What did Voodoo do? I have no clue. She was just some hot mixed chick that barely wore anything. Except on the friggin’ cartoon where they put her in a bodysuit! Okay. I need to settle down.

Voodoo is stripping at a club and the first image we get of her is on all fours as guys are “making it rain” around her. Look it up. Two undercover agents are watching her, the guy more than the other, and requests a private dance from her. His partner goes outside and whips some guys asses for trying to teach her some respect. The agent that is getting the lap dance (no sex in the champagne room) and lets Voodoo know that he knows that she may be an alien and that if she doesn’t turn herself in she will be dissected. She then turns into a monster and rips him open. Moments later she quits her job and the guy walks out okay.

I guess this is cool if you wanna look at a hot drawing and don’t know that Jessica Rabbit exists. It wasn’t bad or anything but there was nothing that made me want to pick this up ever again and feel like I really missed out on anything. It didn’t even feel like it was part of the DC Universe.

Savage Hawkman

I know nothing about Hawkman except his costume reminds me of something from an old Hanna Barbara cartoon. This issue starts with him burning his costume in a forest. It explodes and he wakes up back home and burned. A team finds some alien wreckage and brings it for examination. Bored yet? He heads to check out the ship and suddenly an alien inside of it comes to life and starts wreaking havoc. Hawkman all of a sudden transforms as if his costume is now in his body instead of him putting it on. I love how the costume is like “Eff you for trying to destroy me!” He fights the main alien and it absorbs his Nth metal armor.

Not a very good issue. The art was fine but the story was super rushed and felt like an action film where a lot happened but made me feel as if I had no emotional investment in it. Who cares about hawk man after reading this? Its like they did it to please people who thought his costume was silly and decided to make it appear rather than put it on.

Dark Knight, Flash, Firestorm, Green Lantern New Guardians Issue 1

There are two things me and Mr. Soot agree on. That last issue is Superman was terrible and honey badgers don’t give a shit. After a spirited discussion at the wonder we have with DC’s decision to let certain comics not only get made, but get made so terribly. Its now time to write about some comics. Lets hope they’re better than the last batch!

Batman The Dark Knight

This issue went back and forth in terms of what was good and what was bad about it. I liked the fact that they are making Bruce Wayne an interesting character. He is still trying to make Gotham City a better place. A police officer confronts him and accuses him of funding Batman, which if you think about it for a moment makes perfect sense and I’m glad they’re going in this direction. We even get to see Batman get his flirt on!

There is a riot at Arkham Asylum and I kinda had trouble figuring out who was who. The cops are getting their asses handed to them and Batman shows up to help. He starts head butting and kicking people in the face and they cant figure out why more than 300 of the most dangerous criminals got free all at once. This is okay. The issue jumps the shark when Batman finds Two-Face and he is the size of The Incredible Hulk and he screams that his name is now One-Face. Uh…yeah.

I like Batman and all but this issue was just too all over the place. If they had focused on just Bruce Wayne and the investigation into his life and funding Batman that would’ve been cool. Taking a character that and turning him into a monster (which I hate as much as fire monsters but not as much as smoke monsters).

The Flash

Never been a huge fan of Flash comics. The power to run fast never really appealed to me. I did begin to like him in the cartoons but never enough to call myself a fan. This issue may have changed that. While Barry Allen aka The Flash is at a party for science folk and some guys rob the place. Barry transforms into The Flash and whips their asses while being funny at the same time (take notes Kid Flash). One of the criminals ends up getting killed is someone Barry knew when he was younger. Oh, and The Flash gets accused of murder. This was a fun and interesting issue, especially the way it ends. I’m intrigued enough to check out the next issue. Truly shocking.

The Fury of Firestorm

I know who Firestorm is…vaguely. This issue starts with a family being tortured and murdered. So not a kid book? A star high school football player Ronnie is interviewed by Jason and Ronnie gets accused of being racist. He later asks his mother why he has no Black friends while Jason feels bad for even bringing race up. That killer team shows up at the school looking for the Firestorm formula which Jason admits to having and takes turning into Firestorm and blowing a lot of the school up in the process. Ronnie also turns into a Firestorm and they start fighting which is rather silly. It ends with them combining into some big ass fire guy named Fury. I hate characters combining almost as much as I hate fire creatures and…you know the rest. Cool art but the story was very meh.

Green Lantern New Guardians

Kyle Rayner is probably my least favorite Green Lantern but that may change if this series keeps the pace its at from this first issue. A Guardian creates a new ring and sends it to Earth to find a bearer. Kyle is at a bar sketching the waitress so he can leave it as a tip since he is broke. He heads outside to use the bathroom and the Guardian gives him the ring and they start flying away. With his artistic abilities he makes a great natural Lantern. All over the universe Lanterns of every color are being stripped of their rings and dying.

Later after Kyle saves a construction worker and a kid makes fun of his outfit, all the rings that left their owners start floating at him and announcing his name out loud (which is a very funny moment) and wanting him to wear it. The surviving former ring bearers arrive and want to attack Kyle for “stealing” their rings. This was a cool issue and I would definitely check out the next one.

Superman, Teen Titans, All Star Western, Black Hawks Issue 1

I refuse to go back to sleep ever again. Mr. Soot thought it would be funny to place another issue of DC’s 52 on my face while I slept. There are a lot this week and some of them make me question the people in charge of decision making. Some of these characters just don’t deserve their own comics. Seriously. Were you clamoring for a Black Hawks comic? Yeah. That’s what I thought. I’m getting ahead of myself.

Superman

Everyone knows who Superman is. He is the single most popular character ever created in comics and known around the world. He is literally the biggest super character in history. So I have to ask myself: Why did he get the crappiest issue one? I mean…wow. This is a real stinker. I cant imagine he is hard to write. He flies, shoots heat out his eyes, ice breath, super strong, and bad at disguise. Simple. So why the long boring ass introduction?

We get Superman sulking (a new power apparently) because The Daily Planet is demolished and a new one is built. They are also getting rid of the paper and going to TV and internet. He ends up fighting a fire creature. I hate fire creatures almost as much as I hate smoke monsters. He beats it after sending it into space. Later Clark Kent goes by Lois Lane’s place and she is sleeping with some other reporter. The issue ends with more sulking.

This issue was the one splashed across the TV, internet, and papers. So why did they make it the most boring ass one? I love reading but Jesus, this starts as being way too wordy. I don’t care about the history of The Daily Planet whatsoever. I almost stopped reading this one. It was just dull.

Teen Titans

Does DC have a problem writing teams that don’t have the word “Justice” or “Suicide” in the front? There are a lot of teen Metahumans floating around and jacking stuff up. This issue features Kid Flash botching a burning building rescue. He isn’t likable like he is on the cartoon of the same name. Red Robin has his home invaded and gets away by flying. When the hell did he get wings?! Wonder Girl gets rescued by Red Robin after stealing a car and taking down a helicopter.

The issue ends with a tie in to the awesome Superboy comic. Damn it! The story was way rushed and the art was strange. The teens looked like weird ass adults. For being so mart they have Red Robin (I hate that name) act more like Jason Todd in his recklessness. Wonder Girl, who hates that name, doesn't tell him what to call her instead. Kid Flash is a dick.

All Star Western

Jonah Hex. Know him? I don’t either. He’s a cowboy with a scar. I know he had a movie I couldn’t watch for more than ten minutes. If this comic was a film I would have left the theater. In old Gotham hookers are being killed. Hex and a dweeb go around trying to find information about the killer. What I mean by find information is Hex goes around beating people up and being an unlikable character. A hooker that gives him information dies and he sees that all the powerful men in Gotham have the same ring as the alleged killer. I just didn’t care for this issue. This didn’t sell me on Jonah Hex or make me care to figure out how it ends.

Black Hawks

Bombs. Fighting. Biting. Secret agents. Cell phone cameras. Chick gets infected. There. That’s the entire issue. A bunch of characters that would be background victims get their own comic for some reason. DC, you cant have a cell phone picture ruin something that’s supposed to be super secret in two of your debuts (as they did in Red Hood’s comic). This comic didn’t need to be written or drawn. Its just nonsense. DC cant afford to put crap like this out.

Batman, Supergirl Issue 1

Mr. Soot did place that device under my bed. It played “Goodbye Horses” over and over again by Q Lazarus. He thought it was funny until I decided to walk around the house Buffalo Bill style. He just threw a bottle of lotion at my head and sighed. Now back in my cell with laptop its time to write some DC 52 reviews.

                                                     Batman 1

I love Batman so much. Seriously. This guy is the best character ever created and has the best rogue gallery. It doesn’t hurt that dude is a psycho. For reals. When was the last time you saw Superman, Green Lantern, or anyone walk into a room and challenge some of his most dangerous enemies to a fight? Not never. But Batman does. Batman don’t give a shit.
He walks into Arkham Asylum facing guys like Clayface, Killer Croc, and Two-Face and just starts whipping their asses. All of a sudden he is tossed into Joker’s cell. Suddenly the most unlikely team since Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan start fighting together and beating the inmates. I was like “Oh, this is just stupid. Why is this happening?!” Later you find out that it was a disguise and Nightwing aka Dick Grayson was playing him.

Later Bruce Wayne, his punk ass son Damian, Dick, and Tim all get dressed for a fundraiser. Bruce has decided to start rebuilding Gotham City and taking pledges. By reading Commissioner Gordon’s lips using a new program (he also has this cool eye contact that brings the Batcave’s technology with him) and finds out someone was murdered. Batman meets up with Bullock and they find a guy stabbed to a wall. Batman places a cigar to a weird substance on the wall and it says “Bruce Wayne Will Die Tomorrow.” He sends DNA samples from the dead guys nails and it comes back saying it belongs to Jason Todd aka Red Hood aka Robin 2. Zombie bastard!

Story and art Scott Snyder and Greg Capaullo was great. This was one of my favorite issues so far from the DC Comics. The scene where Batman faces all those villains at the beginning looked so cool and the way Bruce Wayne is drawn he looks cool. He doesn’t look like an anonymous guy who happens to be Batman. Very well done.

Supergirl 1

Poor Supergirl has one of the most convoluted ass histories in the history of comics. Someone every few years comes along and changes her costume, clones her, makes her Superman’s cousin, the last Kryptonian. Just all over the place. So its no surprise that she wakes up in this issue not knowing where the hell she is. She hits Kansas and ends up in Siberia. I’m no gynecologist, someone that studies Earth, but that seems impossible. She is attacked by men in robot suits and whips their asses and discovers she has heat vision. She is about to kill a soldier until Superman shows up and stops her. If you pay attention you’ll see that some of the stuff she hears takes place in other issues.

I makes me a bit nervous that a lot of the heavy hitters are making appearances in these smaller comics. Its almost like they don’t think they have the ability to sale themselves. If I knew beforehand that Superman made an appearance at the end it wouldn’t have swayed me to get this issue. Supergirl, who is forever connected to the world’s most popular character, should be able to stand alone.

Story and art by Michael Green and Mike Johnson. The art is decent. The story could’ve been just half of the issue with the rest explaining more. Why does she already have a costume? Is she old enough for me to stare at her boobs? I don’t know and I’m not sure if I’m willing to stick around and find out.

Wonder Woman, Red Hood, Birds Of Prey Issue 1

Snuck into the kitchen to get something that I could trick my body into thinking was real food. Mr. Soot was sititng at the table with a device in front of him. “Did you know that the inventor of the lie detector was also the same man who created Wonder Woman?” he asked. I nodded yes. “Oh, this isn’t a lie detector. Just something I will place under your bed later.” And with that I ran back to my cell and started writing!

                                    Wonder Woman 1

I know all about Wonder Woman. Who doesn’t? She was once a little blob of clay. GUMBY!!! Wrong clay. The story starts with some god offering three hot chicks drinks and then scaring the hell out of them. In a barn in Virginia a hooded woman cuts a horses head clean off and then a demon something pops on out. The hell is going on?! Hermes, who is weird looking and blue, shows up at the woman who owns the barns home and tries to tell her that “they” have come for her child. He gets nailed with an arrow and tosses her a key that makes her vanish into panty wearing air.
This chick appears in Wonder Woman’s home while she is sleeping and nearly gets choked out. The girl gives her the key and they teleport back to the barn where Wonder Woman whips the demon horse things asses. She cuts one of their arms off. Hermes stumbles from the house dying and tells the women that the girl is pregnant by Zeus. Scandalous! Back with the guy and three chicks he hears what will happen with Zeus and a new child and promptly crisps the three dames.

Story and art by Brian Azzarello and Cliff Chiang. This issue wasn’t terrible but it didn’t exactly knock my socks off. I do like the fact that WW (that’s Wonder Woman for the cool kids) seems to fight more warrior-like and brutal. She doesn’t say a single word as she fights those horse demons. They try to hurt this girl and she just goes gorilla on them. Worth checking out but the next issue needs more story and less action.

Red Hood And The Outlaws 1

I think the guy at the beginning of the story is Red Arrow. He gets broken out of a prison overseas by Red Hood aka Jason Todd aka Robin 2 aka Zombie!!! A bloodbath issues and help shows up in the form of Starfire. She burns some tanks and they escape to an island.

This island stuff is apparently causing some controversy Mr. Soot said. Saying the character of Starfire is being used unfairly and as a sex object. What female character besides Granny Goodness isn’t?! On the flipside look at how men in comics look. How many guys you know so buff their muscles and veins show through their clothes? Men get the same if not more because there are more male characters. Guys don’t talk about it but they feel the pressure of looking a certain way. Not me. I have a god complex. So yeah Starfire is banging Red Hood and Red Arrow. Not at the same time. That's in issue three. Giggity.

This story was interesting but I’m not sure if I’m dying to read the next issue. I’m on the fence. I like the story by Scott Lobdell and the art by Kenneth Rocafort is fantastic. Maybe it’s the combination of these three characters or something.

Birds Of Prey 1

I really wanted to like this story. I like Black Canary. The Justice League cartoon made me really see that she was a badass character once you get past the fact that she ain’t wearing pants. I’m pissed that only two of the four people on the cover are actually in the comic. Lots of fighting and not much story really. I mean there is but this issue made it feel like there was so much story that had happened and I kinda fell into this not knowing what the hell was going on. I don’t even know what one of the characters Ev Starling does besides drive badly. I wanna like this more than I did but meh. Story and art by Duane Swierczynski and Jesus Saiz.

Nightwing, Deadman, Legion Of Superheroes Issue 1

I woke up with Mr. Soot tapping his watch while standing in the doorway of my cell. “You’re sleeping. I don’t like that.” Just as I was about to protest he dropped a stack of comics on my lap. I asked him for more toilet paper. “Use Issue 1 of Static Shock” he said as he left. That’s not a bad idea.

                                       Nightwing 1

Most of what I know about Nightwing is from old ass Teen Titan comics and some of the Batman: The Animated Series. I know about him from when he was the original Robin, but I don’t know about his villains or anything. This issue starts off with Nightwing reminiscing about being Batman for the past year and how it changed him. He is also whipping some ass while doing this. He comes across a visiting circus. The same one that his parents died in. Dun-dun-duuuuuuun!!!

Meanwhile some guy walking through Gotham gets harassed by two thugs. He commences to break one of their necks and caves the other ones face in. Dick Grayson aka Nightwing finally decides to visit the circus and meets all of his old friends while there. A masked man is prowling the streets of Gotham (I assume it’s the same dude that just killed those other guys) sees Dick and attacks him saying he is the “most fiercest killer in Gotham.” While two cops distract this guy (meaning get gutted like fish!) Nightwing appears and fights the guy. This dude is faster and more dangerous than Nightwing and manages to cut him and knock him from a rooftop. The issue ends with Nightwing hurt and down about to be killed.

This was a kickass issue. I don’t know who this crazy ass guy is but I’m interested to find out. The art and story by Kyle Higgins and Eddy Barrows is good and fit’s the story well. Nightwing looks proper when doing flips and turns. Some artists make characters seem strange when they contort but Barrows does not. Very good issue.

Deadman 1

Another guy I barely know anything about. Seen him on the Justice League cartoon once. Pretty sure he’s dead. Good thing this issue covers his entire history. He is shot while working at a circus (apparently working in a circus is second only to working at STAR Labs as being dangerous as hell). He was a selfish prick and is told by a god named Rama, who brings balance to…stuff. She tells Deadman that he has to help others before he can move on.

He gets into the body of a war veteran with no legs. Before that though he finds someone who knew him in life and has to convince her he is Boston Brand aka Deadman by jumping in different people’s bodies. He makes his way back to the vets body and puts a gun to his head. Rama shows up like “What the hezee?!” She doesn’t say that but I imagine she wanted to.

Nice issue and a very good job of introducing the character to people unfamiliar with Deadman. Not sure if I’m dying to read the next issue. This probably would’ve been better if it went more in the dirction of Animal Man or Swamp Thing. This seems too bright for such a dark character. Story and art by Paul Jenkins and Bernard Chang.

Legion Of Superheroes 1

I…I just cant. Too many characters. Too much happening. Too much history. I kept having to flip back and forth to remember which characters did what. Art by Francis Portela is adequate and an overly complicated group of characters Paul Levitz tries to focus on. How about two characters an issue? Unless you’re the Suicide Squad I think I might be having issues with DC’s 52 group comics.

Deathstroke, Grifter, Legion Lost Issue 1

I don’t know what mood Mr. Soot was in when he bought these books but they are very violence heavy. This batch is better than the last few that have been coming out which is cool. Oh, great. Now he’s stomping through the halls singing “Old Gray Mare” at the top of his lungs. I don’t have much time left to write these for now so lets get started.

                                      Deathstroke 1

This issue does not waste any damn time getting started. It begins with a mission that Deathstroke was on where faced against a group of armed soldiers still manages to cut the head off of his target and a few other unlucky bastards that are in the way. He’s now relegated to being an expensive bodyguard. A man named Christophe wants him to work with a new young team of assassins.

Deathstroke meets the team that I wont bother naming (you’ll see why) and they head on their mission where they have to rendezvous with a plane midair and take out their target which is a man dealing in nuclear weapons. When he gets on the plane he is met with some creatures mixed with Clayface DNA and starts kicking them out of the plane before being shown a briefcase. Deathstroke blows the plane up and heads back to base.

While the team celebrates a successful mission Deathstroke says “I think there is no ‘up and coming.’ There’s only competition. And I don’t work with it.” He then commences to shoot every single one of the poor bastards. Dude is hardcore! He is told by Christophe that the higher ups don’t think he’s got it anymore. I don’t know about you but he doesn’t seem like the kinda guy I would say stuff like that to.

This was a good fast paced issue. Story and art by Kyle Higgins and Joe Bennett really fit this character that I don’t know anything about other than he can fight well against Batman and has just one eye. I look forward to the next issue to see where they go with this.

Grifter 1

Wait. Grifter got his own comic? The guy from WildCATS?! How in the blue hell did this happen? Anyway, the story starts with him on an airplane (don’t take planes in the DC Universe!) and he starts hearing voices. A woman attacks him with a pick and he takes her out before fighting as he falls from the plane. We flashback to him ripping someone off who was trying to rip him off. He’s set to meet with this chick and leave the country. He ends up snatched by some ghost demon thing and wakes up tied to a table.

He escapes and beats someone to death, which freaks him right the hell out. He thinks he was unconscious for only seventeen minutes but it turns out it was for seventeen days. Flash forward to him surviving the fall from the plane and the government looking for him for murder. The story ends with him in a cemetery in New Orleans putting on his mask.

This was a fun little issue but something felt like it was missing. It felt like I walked into the middle of a story that had started a long time ago. This is a reoccurring problem with some of these DC 52 stories. Its supposed to be introducing readers to new stories but I shouldn’t be this puzzled by the first issue. Not puzzled by questions that can be answered later, but by answers I have to find online. Story by Nathan Edmondson and great art by Cafu.

Legion Lost 1

This is the epitome of what I was just talking about. Its like they said “Hey, lets throw a bunch of characters into one issue that involves time travel which is already confusing and see what happens!” This team full of people I don’t know and doubt I’d want to get stuck looking for someone who is spreading some disease in our timeline. They catch him, he breaks free, they crash and a couple people die and I don’t care. Maybe this is for fans of Power Pack or something. I don’t know. Story by Fabian Nicieza and inconsistent art by Pete Woods. I will pretend I didn’t read this.

Green Lantern, Red Lanterns Issue 1

Woke up with my cell door open. I got all happy until I saw a box at the end of the hallway with a stack of comics attacked to a stick and string. Apparently Mr. Soot has been watching too many cartoons lately. He got bored and ended up just dumping a bucket of nickels on my head and leaving me the next batch of DC 52 comics. In brightest day…

                                 Green Lantern Issue 1

From the start of this issue I was going “What the hell?!” It starts off with Sinestro becoming a Green Lantern once again. For anyone that doesn’t know for years he’s been a Yellow Lantern, enemy of the Green. The Guardians have forced him to join them once again after Hal Jordan, stripped of his ring, was chosen by the ring to become the newest member. The Guardians tell Sinestro that this is his chance at redemption to which he replies “Redemption? I need no redemption.”

Back on Earth Hal Jordan is broke. He cant pay rent, the air force wont let him fly, and he is about to be evicted. He spots a man about to assault a woman across the way and he leaps from his balcony and crashes through their window and starts to whip the guys ass until he realizes a film is being made. Hey, it happens. You know how many false zombie apocalypses I accidentally attacked only to realize they were hobos in packs? A lot.

Carol Ferris bails him out of jail and tells him that she can get him a job. Not flying, but something. Meanwhile Sinestro goes back to his home world where his Yellow Lanterns have enslaved his planet. He strangles one of the members to death and destroys their ring. Hal is on a date with Carol when he pops the big question to her: can she co-sign on a car. She gets pissed and leaves. Hal heads home to find an eviction notice and Sinestro at his door with a deal for him. Aah! Aah! Aah!

This issue was cool and did a fantastic job of letting me know what Sinestro and Hal Jordan were at currently and what their issues were within this one comic. It also showed the shady ass side to the Guardians. Fun issue with decent art and a good story by Geoff Johns and Doug Mahnke.

Red Lanterns Issue 1

This starts off with some blue lizards torturing another alien for pleasure but are bored with it. All of a sudden a friggin’ cat in a Red Lantern (Dex-Starr) outfit shows up with blood pouring from its mouth and starts cleaning house. Its not even a humanoid cat. It’s a crazy ass cat! They finally are able to get the upper hand against this hell cat until Atrocitus shows up and kills them all but feels nothing about it. During the issue he tells the story of what happened to his home world and how he didn’t get his revenge since Hal Jordan defeated the mad Guardian, Krona. He goes and finds his “team” and even they sense something is different about him. All they want to do is just fight. They are beating the hell out of each other and he tells them to stop and they’re like “Uh…no.”

On Earth some old guy gets beaten up and killed and two other dudes are fighting each other because he was their grandfather. I don’t know anything about who they are so there’s that. Let me point out that one of the characters name is Bleez and she looks evil as all get out but she is way hot. Now consumed with new vengeance after a trip to remind himself why he is so pissed Atrocitus goes back to his team and they look like they’re ready to kick his ass.

This was a cool issue but I’m not sure where they can go from here in terms of a regular series. I mean, this would be a cool three part story but twelve whole issues? I don’t know. Story and cool ass art by Peter Milligan and Ed Benes.

Batman And Robin, Demon Knights, Resurrection Man Issue 1

Mr. Soot was standing over me when I woke from my nap. He smiled and said “You’re like the Robin to my Batman.” I stood to give him a hug and he started laughing. “You’re my Jason Todd.” I wanted to cry but he says that is a sign of weakness and my tears get on the laptop. So I will man up and soldier on.

                                Batman And Robin 1

I hate the new Robin. I want him to get the Jason Todd treatment and get beaten half to death and blown up. I’m getting ahead of myself. The story starts with an agent of Batman is Russia about to whip a villains ass when some guy pops a cap in his ass and fries him to death telling him “I’m nobody. And so are you.”

While explaining some very important information to Damien, the new Robin and Batman’s son (don’t you dare ask me to explain!), they head out on a mission to stop some guys from starting a radiation disaster. During the mission Robin causes a few guys to die. Batman doesn’t do what I think he should and fire him or beat his monkey ass.

Batman tries to explain the importance of saving lives and not ending them but this little bastard just brushes him off talking about how much better he is than all the other Robin’s. In other news the guy who killed that dude in Russia just killed another Batman. And he says “This new global circus act of his had to end. Its time to pay Bruce Wayne a visit.” Aah! Aah! Aah!

This issue had great art by Patrick Gleason and some of the story by Peter J. Tomasi. I just don’t like the Damien character. He is worse than Jason Todd and reckless to the point of suicidal. I’m sure there are people out there that like the little jerk but he ruined this issue for me. I do love this dude with all the headlights on his face killing Batmen though. He is a cool looking villain. If it wasn’t for Robin I would have liked this story more.

Demon Knights 1

I like Etrigan! When I first saw him I asked “Whose the fish demon?” The story starts with how a unlucky guy happened to walk into the room where the demon Etrigan was being held and Merlin The Magician locked the demon away inside of him. He can be called out when needed by Jason O’ Th’ Blood. Coolest. Name. Ever.

They happen into a bar where this evil sorceress and her army are heading and get into a brawl. Wanna know how evil this lady is? She has one of her wizards use a baby to find out where to go and the baby explodes. After Etrigan is summoned and starts breathing fire and kicking ass dragons show up to wreck shit.

This was a cool issue but not heavy in terms of depth. A more action packed story of the character than I was expecting. I was thinking it would take place in present day but its totally hundreds of years ago. Fun story but not something I would look forward to monthly. Story and art by Paul Cornell and Diogenes Neves.

Resurrection Man 1

I love this story and character. Never heard of him until today though. Resurrection Man wakes up in a morgue and screams in pain from being brought back to life. Apparently each time he dies and comes back he has a new power. This time its electricity. For unknown reasons he has to get to Portlad. So after stealing some cash he hops on a plane where he meets this strange broad (yeah, I use the word broad) with a red teardrop on her cheek who knows all about the people on the plane and why they are there. She transforms into a demon and starts killing people and attempts to bring the plane down.

Mitch aka Resurrection man fights her off with his new powers and defeats her but not before she lets him know that the dead want him back. Bad. These two chicks show up at the morgue and start asking where “John Doe” went and kill the workers before figuring they should try asking questions without covering their mouths. He ends up getting sucked into the planes engine and all of the passengers die. He wakes up in the wreckage with the ability to turn into water, which he does and gets away before another demon agent arrives in the form of a fireman.

This was a cool story and art by Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning. Like I mentioned, never heard of this character but now I want to know everything about him. The way this was done it felt like I was watching a series like Dexter or Dead Like Me. Very cool and I will be checking this one out again.

Superboy, Frankenstein Agent Of SHADE, Mr. Terrific Issue 1

I woke up in my cell with a note taped to my forehead that said “You Are Not Writing!” courtesy of Mr. Soot. I wanted to crumple the note but figured it could be used as evidence if I ever get out of here alive. On the bright side some new DC 52 comics were left next to my plate of rice and flies so I guess I’ll get to writing about them.

                                         Superboy 1

I have never been able to figure out the character of Superboy. Is it Superman as a child? Is it a clone? Is he from another reality altogether? I’m glad this is around to give me a fresh starting point because frankly I don’t have the patience to try and figure this out for myself. The issue starts with what is referred to as “the clone” floating in a tank and being observed. The experiment is being considered a failure since the clone does nothing but exist when in actuality it has no reason to do anything other than ponder.

They don’t know it but the clone knows and hears everything they are doing. When they decide to kill it with cyanide it feels pain for the first time and lashes out killing people before a researcher calms him down. It doesn’t understand most of what is going on and even the feeling of air on its skin is strange. A month later it is enrolled in school and answering questions he knows he should not know. He meets a girl and walks her home, meanwhile ignoring a woman screaming for help as the house burns down with her inside. Wait. What?!

It turns out to be a virtual reality simulator and he is aware of it. The researcher wants to know why he did not save the woman saying “…its clear Superman is obsessed with helping people. So unless Superboy’s human cells originated from in a deeply pathological, megalomaniacal narcissist, the likes of which the world has never known…it means we did something wrong.”

In the end Superboy is released by someone high on the food chain and lets him know what he has to do. There are some young heroes behind him and I recognize one as Kid Flash or whatever he goes by nowadays. This was a cool issue and they introduced who Superboy is and what he can do pretty well. Funny how easily some of these 52 stories handle origins so well while others confuse you more than when you began. His costume kicks ass too. This was done by Scott Lobdell and R.B Silva.

Frankenstein Agent Of S.H.A.D.E 1

I didn’t know what too expect going into this one but was pleasantly surprised. It starts with a dog getting skinned. Yeah. That happened by page two. Monsters are loose and its up to Frankenstein to stop them. Seriously, bear with me. Monsters are destroying a small town and its up to Frankenstein, his creator who has taken the form of a little girl, and some creatures to stop them.

Their base of operations is a 3-inch globe that has an entire city in it called The Ant Farm. You can only enter by being shrunk using technology created by Ant Man. Its pretty cool. Frankenstein’s wife was last seen fighting the monsters before disappearing and with the help of a mer-woman, a wolf man, a mummy, and a vampire, they hope to succeed.

This was a pretty fun issue. I love that whenever Frankenstein had a question a little computer would answer his question, especially since I had the same ones. I don’t know what amount of drugs one would have to take to think to give Frankenstein a big ass gun and fight monsters but I’m glad they did it. Cool story by Jeff Lemire and very fitting art by Alberto Ponticelli.

Mister Terrific 1

I just love that name. I’m not sure why. It sounds super cheesy but it fit’s the character. Mister Terrific is chasing some nut job in a powered suit (why are Black heroes always chasing crazy White folks in powers suits?) in England. After capturing him it goes into his origin story which is pretty damn depressing and reminiscent of The Joker’s from The Killing Joke. In an effort to destroy himself he ends up becoming powerful and using his power for good.

In a diner parking lot a normal guy on his lunch break goes ape-shit and kills a homeless man after a strange sound rang in his head. Later while at a fundraiser with some very powerful people that strange sound strikes again this time affecting Mr. Terrific. He reprograms a system that is meant to safeguard against seismic activity to shake the building and kill someone who could be president one day.

I don’t know much about Mr. Terrific besides the fact that he is Black, has a big ass “T” on his face, and watched the Justice League’s base when they were on missions in the cartoon. Oh, and he rides balls. Don’t laugh. This issue wasn’t bad but it didn’t exactly want to take it out on a second date. This issue was done by Eric Wallace and Gianluca Gugliotta.

Batwing, OMAC, Men Of War, Justice League International Issue 1

Mr. Soot has slid the food hole open long enough for me to get some light and write up another batch of DC 52 reviews. Already I am starting to see some chinks in the armor but hopefully this is for a few lackluster stories and not a trend that will continue.

                                         Batwing 1

Africa just got Batman’d! Trained to instill fear in the heart of criminals that are a bit harder to scare, Batwing dons a suit of armor and the ability to fly. Crazy how Batman can make this stuff but is like “I don’t need that nonsense. Don’t you know who I am?” This is an origin story mixed with an introduction to a Batwing's villain named Massacre.

This issue shows Batwing as he fights corruption at night and during the day as a police officer. Someone has been beheading criminals and even one of Africa’s first superheroes and Batwing is depending on the help of one of his colleagues to help investigate.

When arriving at work Batwing (not in costume) discovers the entire police force dead and beheaded with the words “Stay Away” written on the wall in their blood. A moment later a large machete is thrust through his back as Massacre says “You are late for work.”

A cool first issue by Judd Winick with beautiful art by Ben Oliver. If the story and art can keep up this pace for twelve issues I would be shocked.



Men Of War 1

Corporal Rock just wants to fight. He has the experience and the credentials to be more than what he is but has no desire to. When forced to go on a mission he and his team land in the middle of not just a war zone but a battle between two unseen superheroes who are doing as much damage to the city as the weapons being used by soldiers.

Rock is given a promotion in the form of their squad leader being impaled as the two superpowers battle one another. This was an okay story. There is an extra story inside which is like a scene taken right out of Full Metal Jacket with a Pepsi Twist. So far probably the first in the DC 52 that I have no strong interest in checking out the next issue. Decent story and art by Ivan Brandon and Tom Derenick but it didn’t jump out at me like a first issue should.





OMAC 1

This one didn’t blow my skirt up. It stank of “Kill! Destroy! I am a crazed machine! Argh!” The art at times appeared to be Kirby-Lite and featured characters that seemed very generic and flimsy. And look at that damned cover. Really? This is the reboot of an entire company and this is the best you can come up with? Lazy writing and lazy art equals I wont even bother reading issue two.

At one point Keith Giffen was the man in terms of art. I don’t know what was happening or if he was rushed but this should not have come out until some more work was done. The cover is the entire issue. Big Rob Liefeld reject standing on top of a bunch of wreckage with an ending that isn’t even “Oh!” worthy. I hope this doesn’t tie into any other comics because I would hate to have to keep up with this just to know the whole story of what’s going on. And writer Dan Didio knows better than to write this 1992 seeming garbage. When your characters opening line is shouting his name with dramatic pauses you know you’re in trouble.


Justice League International 1

Okay, now this is more like it. The world government knows that superheroes are going nowhere anytime soon and decide to gather a bunch of them from around the world (ex. Booster Gold, Guy Gardner, Ice, Vixen, August General In Iron, Rocket Red) to make a team lead by Booster but under the governments thumb.

Their first meeting goes to hell when Guy Gardner leaves after learning that Booster is really their leader. Booster is insulted that he is not in the Justice League. Meanwhile everyone else is busy bickering with each other and Batman decides to help out on their first mission, reminding Booster that as a leader he should actually, oh I don’t know, lead the team! And he does lead them.

Right into a trap!

These weird rock lava creature things start attacking and they are putting up an okay, if guideless, fight until a ginormous ass robot comes out of the ground. I know I should know this robots name but I don’t. This was a good action packed issue but I’m not sure that even with the help of Batman it can be great. More time should have been spent on introducing these characters to people or the shadowy going’s on’s involving the governments that are controlling the team. I’m pretty much waiting to see who betrays the team. This was by Dan Jurgens and Aaron Lopresti.

Justice League Issue 1

Mr. Soot asked me to write a blog for each issue of DC’s new re-launch of all of their comics starting with Justice League #1. He didn’t so much as ask me as demand me. The conversation went a little something like this.

Him: “DC is relaunching their comics.”


Me: “I heard.”


Him: “You’re gonna write about it.”


Me: “Um…”


Him: “Every issue.”


Me: “But I have eight other blogs.”


Him: “That’s funny.”


Me: “What’s funny?”


Him: “That you think I care.”

I may be paraphrasing but that was pretty damned close to how it went down. But with more cursing and weeping. Forget everything you know about Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Green Lantern, and Aquaman. Seriously. Forget it. This is a starting point for new fans and old fans who have tired of the convoluted history in DC Comics.

The story begins with an armed team trying to take down Batman and some creature that spits fire. Green Lantern shows up and is surprised that Batman is real. Testament to the fact that Batman is so awesome that a guy that whose job it is to protect our universe is amazed by him.

                       “Flattery will get you punched.”

Green Lantern is super cocky and pretty much tells Batman to cool his jets because he has everything under control. Batman does not like how bright Green Lantern is. There is an exchange between the two of them that actually made me laugh out loud.

Green Lantern: “What are your powers anyway? You cant fly.”


Batman: “No.”


Green Lantern: “Super strength?”


Batman: “No.”


Green Lantern: “Hold on a second…You’re not just some guy in a bat costume are you? Are you freaking kidding me?!”

They make their way to a high school where Vic Stone aka Cyborg is playing football and wowing the crowd while his father disappoints him by not showing up. They arrive in a bright green plane which scares everyone and pisses Batman off and trace alien in the air by GPS. Green Lantern locks Batman in a box and tells him “I can handle this” before being punched across the field by a surprisingly awesome looking Superman who sees Batman and asks…

“So…what can you do?”

This was a great first start by Jim Lee, Geoff Johns, and Scott Williams. I am actually anxious to see how the characters I am so familiar with behave in this new DC Universe. The combination of Batman and Green Lantern was surprisingly fun and exciting due to their personalities being so different. Cant wait for the next issue. Mr. Soot has locked me in a cage with my laptop and told me that each issue should be fashioned to make a blanket for warmth.

And he said he didn’t like me.