Dante Learns The 5th Amendment

Yet another one of those Amendments that people love to throw around. I’m seriously waiting to get to one of these that, like, no one ever uses and start using it. I’m sure there has to be one that covers people not taking your cow if it has only two spots on it or something. The 5th Amendment is funny because people only say one line regarding it but is nowhere in it.

I said the 5th...nevermind.

“No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.”

In between all that jibber jabber you figure that you have the right to not fuck yourself over during a trial. If you’re arrested for something and your ass gets off you cant be tried again for that same crime unless you’re in the military. We call it double jeopardy.

Nope.

In that case all bets are off and they will keep trying until your ass is jailed. That means if you’re a civilian and get off for a crime you know your ass did you should keep a low profile. Sadly, not everyone listens to this.

Yep.

According to this Amendment you also have the right to remain silent like with the Miranda Rights. This is the one where people like to “plead the fifth.” Normally when the cops have their knees in your back and are asking you where the drugs are.

F, I, F...Fif!!!

Lastly, you cant be denied life, liberty, or property without a trial. Now…we all know that this part isn’t true. All the time people are yanked out of their lives and thrown into jail. I cant find exactly what the punishment is for denying someone these things but I imagine it’ll cost a lot of money which we all know is the one thing in America that is the greatest danger. Fuck personal safety regarding you or your family. If someone threatens to take your cash you fight.

Click here to read past Dante Learns The Amendments.