Mom, Milly in my old highchair, and I
sit down and she tries to give Milly a carrot. Milly stares at it the
way a cat does a cucumber. It's weird sitting with my mom and a
little baby that belongs to me. It's insane actually. A baby came
from my penis. My penis! Isn't that mind-blowing?! I know she came
from Ronica's innards but still. She started here. Milly finally
accepts the carrot from my mom and stares at it, squinting.
“What is she doing?” mom asks.
“I think she is trying to use heat
vision” I say.
“Does she have heat vision?” she
asks and leans back a few inches.
“Not that I'm aware of” I say. “If
she gets heat vision I'm gonna be super pissed. I've always wanted
heat vision.”
“No, you always wanted to brown note
people which I'll never understand” she tells me.
“You know how cool it would be to
make people poop themselves?” I ask her.
“You've told me...”
“Just think about it! Like, what if
Batman showed up and instead of throwing things at the bad guys he
just hummed and they just started spraying all over the place!”
“That sounds terrible” she says.
“Where's the carrot?”
“Teleportation!” I shout. Milly
laughs and claps her hands.
“Or she ate it” mom says. She
squeezes Milly's cheeks and carrot oozes out. “Mary, come on...”
she says and wipes her chin.
“Clum mon...” Milly says.
“Is she mocking me?” mom asks.
“I think she is trying to talk” I
say. “She mostly mutters and laughs at Ronica.”
“Wonder who she gets that from? Oh, I
almost forgot. Christine came by the other day.”
“Ugh...” I say. Milly tries to
imitate me. “That woman is the devil.”
“She's a fine young lady now” mom
says. “She just wondered if you'd been by and wanted to say hello.”
“Christine is a street walking
cheetah with a heart full of napalm” I say. “Remember how she
treated me? Broke my heart!” Milly laughs. “She didn't want to be my
Valentine's!”
“She has the right to do that” she
says. I point to my face. “Yes, you were a cute kid but still. That
boy Raul had a ponytail.”
“And what is Raul the Ghoul doing
now?” I ask. “I'll tell you! He just started working at Subway!”
“How do you know that?”
“What's with all these questions?!
I'm just saying that Christine made the wrong choice that day. She
could be in Ronica's shoes right now.”
“Mum ma...” Milly says.
“That's right!” I say. “She could
have been your mama love. But she not. And she isn't as cute as your
mama. Your mama fly.” Milly starts to float out of her chair but
thankfully mom remembered to tether her down.
“She is a cute young lady now” mom
says and removes her phone and shows me a selfie they took together.
“See?”
“She a-ight” I say. “But look at
Ronica!” I say and show her my phone.
“Why does she look terrified?” she
asks.
“Oh, that was when I took all of us
on a surprise skydiving trip” I say. “This picture is better.”
“Surprise skydiving?”
“Yeah” I say. “It's that thing
where you pack a car full of people, preferably a convertible,
disable the seat belts, and then fly up high and flip it upside
down.” Mom just stares at me. “It's more fun than I'm making it
sound.”
“I bet it is” she says. “What
else are you and Milly planning today?”
“Thinking of seeing how she reacts to
space” I say. “After that go grab Toro and bring him back to my
place for dinner. He wants to train with me. He likes that he can hit
me as hard as possible and I can't feel it.” Milly whines and
reaches for mom. Mom picks her up and blows into her neck making her
squeal. Milly tends to keep her powers in check around mom. “You're
like some kinda superhero whisperer.”
“With you two as my only clients”
she says.
“Only two you need” I say. “Look
at us. Aren't we perfect?”
“Yes, she is.”
“I said...”
“...yes, she is.”
“This is child abuse.”
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