Johnny Panic: Street Walkin' Cheetah Part 3 of 3

Click here for parts 1 & 2.

Mom, Milly in my old highchair, and I sit down and she tries to give Milly a carrot. Milly stares at it the way a cat does a cucumber. It's weird sitting with my mom and a little baby that belongs to me. It's insane actually. A baby came from my penis. My penis! Isn't that mind-blowing?! I know she came from Ronica's innards but still. She started here. Milly finally accepts the carrot from my mom and stares at it, squinting.

“What is she doing?” mom asks.

“I think she is trying to use heat vision” I say.

“Does she have heat vision?” she asks and leans back a few inches.

“Not that I'm aware of” I say. “If she gets heat vision I'm gonna be super pissed. I've always wanted heat vision.”

“No, you always wanted to brown note people which I'll never understand” she tells me.

“You know how cool it would be to make people poop themselves?” I ask her.

“You've told me...”

Johnny Panic: Street Walkin' Cheetah Part 2 of 3

Click here for Part 1.

After drying Milly off by just flying in circles quickly which she loves I decide that we should head over to L.A and visit my mom. Hopefully my brothers aren't there. Yeah, I know I barely ever talk about them and its for a reason. Not just because they are boring, jealous, haters. I mean, that would be as good a reason as any but its mostly because they are haters that are jealous and boring. They haven't even met Milly yet which is ridiculous. Its not like they don't know the worlds only superhero had a kid. They are just dicks. My mom tries every few months to get us all together but it never works out well. Its fine with me either way. My life is awesome.

I come in high and fast to avoid any attention which is proof that I am becoming more mature no matter what Ronica says. I land, remove a loose piece of seaweed from Milly's shoe, and head inside. I have a key. “Mama love!” I shout. Milly laughs. My mom comes out of the kitchen and rushes over...to Milly. She picks her up and hugs her. Milly starts to float lifting them both off the ground. “I missed you too, mommy.”

“Oh, stop being jealous” she tells me. “Look at her! She is so cute! Why does she smell like Venice Beach?”

“Its actually Poipu...”

“Either way she needs to be washed” she says and heads to the kitchen with Milly. Yeah, they are both still floating off the ground but my mom somehow knows how to guide Milly to where she needs her to go. She starts filling up the sink with water. “You cant have your baby running around smelling like wet hobo.”

Johnny Panic: Street Walkin' Cheetah Part 1 of 3

I know it sounds bad but sometimes I forget that I'm a father. I know that I win Sexiest Man Alive pretty much every year, I'm the most powerful human to ever exist ever, and the coolest person you know. Johnny Panic. Hello. Is that a new shirt? No? Well, it looks great. The blue really brings out the love your have for me in your eyes. Don't deny it. I don't care. You know its true, so accept it.

“Do you have everything?” Ronica asks me while I pack Milly's bag for the day...which I will immediately toss on the roof when I leave. I put in a spare pair of clothes. You'll find out why later. Some snacky nyum nyum's. And juice. That's all a kid pretty much needs in life. Ronica goes through the bag and removes everything I packed and puts in stuff adults thinks kids need to survive. She knows Milly is tough but she has no idea how tough. Because I'll never tell her. She'd kill me if she knew the crazy shit me and our baby have done so I could find out just how strong she is.

We've flown into volcanoes, stopped bank robberies, put a fire out in an orphanage which is the cheesiest superhero thing I've ever done, bitch slapped sharks, and the most dangerous of all...drank water in India. Trust me. I had a hard time explaining to Ronica why our daughter was peeing out of her butt for three days. I blamed it on her moms muffins. Milly is just over 1 years old and has shown more abilities than I did at her age. I was about 7 when I first flew. All the other cool shit came later. Milly can fly. Well, if I'm being honest its more like floating. You take her off her string and she'll just go straight up. She can't be hurt in any way we've discovered. She has my sonic scream. And she laughs in the face of danger. 

Like right now.