Dante Rages Against Bicycles

I hate people on bicyclists. No, not all of them. Many of them. Most of them. Why? I’ll get to that soon enough. I just need to point out that I don’t drive nor do I ride a bike. I know I’ll have to drive at some point and I plan on getting a bike for work. But before any of that happens let me bitch.

I know that we’re all supposed to share the road. Supposed to. Of course that doesn’t happen. There’s an order to this as there is with anything in life. I as a pedestrian know that I’m at the very bottom of this totem pole.

1. Cars. They are big, fast, and have the ability to kill everything on the road. I’ve been hit by a car. If you’re outside of your house and on the sidewalk or crossing the street a car has the ability to end your existence on the planet. They hand this responsibility out to kids by the way. My brother showed me how to drive when I was a child and had to stand to reach the pedal. Yes, we rolled like that.

2. Bicyclist. Like cars but without the power. They can hurt others with their reckless ass ways. They can ride on the road or sidewalk but not very well. They clog up traffic and I get close to being hit by one of them multiple times a week.

3. Pedestrians. This is me. I stick to my side of the sidewalk. I don’t jaywalk. As a walker I have to watch out for cars, bikes, and even fellow walkers. People who decide to text while walking. Strolling hand and hand ignoring the fact that other people need to pass them. Darting into the streets.

Look at these assholes. 

Now, I am singling out bicyclists because its gotten to the point where I’m having more issues with them than anything else. When I am on the bus they clog traffic and don’t stick to the rules of the road. When I am riding in a car with friends they weave in and out of traffic damn near getting killed. On the sidewalk they fly by almost hitting me.

There have been many times where I have willed a bike to flip over in the middle of the road. Hey, I have never said I was a nice person. I think bad shit like this all the time. What bothers me most I think is the weird sense of entitlement that they have. “I’m on the road and you all must bend to my will!” No, not really because cars crush you.

Kinda like this.

If you ride a bike on the road, especially goddamn Santa Monica Blvd., be fast. This is not a street that lends itself to leisurely strolls. Even at 1am it is busy. If traffic isn’t moving you can bet your sweet Aunt Pearl, which I did have, that some dick on his bike listening to his iPod or even a fucking cell phone is riding no handed up ahead.