Dante's Ugly Green Outfit

I was talking to Munkey earlier about bad outfits that we have worn and the repercussions involved in such activities. Wow. That sounded way fancier than I planned. I mean, you’d think I passed English class flawlessly writing sentences like that. I should’ve thrown in a “verily!” or two. Anyhoot, bad outfits.

One day my mother got me and my brother some windbreakers. You know. Those kind that old women wear when they’re power walking or super cute girls can get away with wearing. That’s it. No one else can wear these and seem right in the head. So of course I wore one to school. I believe I was about 11 or 12 when this nonsense occurred.

Like this but somehow worse.

My outfit was bright fucking green. There are many shades of green but bright fucking green is special. It screams “Look at me right now everyone with vision!” Oh, and it was metallic in shade with a racing flag pattern on the shoulders. Seriously, what the fuck was I thinking leaving the house in this thing?!

Ready. Set. Fail!

At least with that fruity church shirt I had to just wear that for a few hours. With this I had to survive the bus ride to school, school itself and the taunts, and then the bus ride home. So as soon as I get on the bus my brain is like “You know you fucked up, right?” And I did. I spent the day being made fun of and couldn’t say shit about it.

So the next week I wore the other outfit that my brother refused to wear. This one was Barney purple and turquoise accents. I mean, I don’t know what was going on in my life to make me think this was something acceptable in my world. I wore each of the outfits once before my father gladly took them.

But that is a lie.

I ended up wearing the green outfit one more time. It was summertime and I was at home when my mother told me to go pick up my little sister from the babysitter who lived around the corner. So I just threw on the green monster not thinking about it. Of course her hot ass daughter was there to answer the door. She had to keep from laughing at my outfit to my face. I really looked like I stole the clothes from a old Black lady. All I was missing was my walking stick.