Kids These Days 19

Seriously. What’s going on with the world? There are a bunch of videos with kids stabbing themselves in the hand while singing The Knife Song which was created by this dude named Rusty Cage which also happens to be one of Soundgarden’s best songs. Now, when I was little in the film Aliens the android (spoiler alert from the past!) Bishop plays a “game” where he held someone’s hand down and jabbed a damned knife in between the fingers, picking up speed like a psycho. I have to admit it looked cool and we all tried it.

Here are the lyrics to the game.

“Oh, I have all my fingers,
The knife goes chop, chop, chop
If I miss the spaces in between,
My fingers will come off,
And if I hit my fingers,
The blood will soon come out,
But all the same I play this game,
'Cause that's what it's all about!
Oh, chop chop chop chop chop chop chop,
I'm picking up the speed,
and if I hit my fingers then my hand will start to bleed.”

Sounds fun, huh?! Bishop doesn’t sing this song by the way. That would be creepy as all hell. Like I said, when I was a kid I did try this and nicked my hand and said “Whelp, that’s that!” and didn’t do it again. But I didn’t put it on the internet. Well, the internet didn’t exist them but even so I would not have the inclination to do it. The online thing I got caught up in was The Harlem Shake and watching terrible videos like 1 Priest 1 Nun. I wasn’t trying to hurt myself like the Salt & Ice Challenge.

Curious George was too late to stop stupid from happening.

Don’t play this game, kids. You’re fucked up enough as it is. The last thing we need is a bunch of teenagers who cant ring up my order because they have only seven fingers. Think about it. No one has ever won a game and shouted “Give me a high three!”

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